[Zurali] The Price of Inaction
Dear spirits of journal
spirits of word?
no no it was spirits of writing, dear those guys,
I haven't picked up a pen for personal use in ages, paperwork in Orgrimmar left me burnt out. For a while the Harbinger's transfer to Hillsbrad was actually refreshing, until the last day. Matojo was arrested for ignoring the forsaken's orders.. and the whole unit was sunk for claims of being a rogue group or something. I thought we were allowed to work our own orders, I guess Mat was just lying to us.. maybe he didn't trust them? Or thought he was protecting us, I can't be certain.. but we're in trouble now, it almost looks like the end for us all. Officially, anyway. Teaghue was put in charge, but Talash is already taking rein of things, hoping to get all of us together again for a plan. Thierry talked me into going along with it, by helping me untangle some other issues lately. Loas it's all so much, I can't even think of where to start.
So I just saw Sebrawyn the other day, and it's been a while since I seen any friendly faces outside the unit Harbingers. And she was huge, like night-elf-eating-bread-all-day huge. It became obvious she was pregnant, but it still didn't look normal for an elf, then I saw she was with her new tauren man No, which must be serious now. It had to have been his, and the gossip afterwards confirmed it.. I was so shocked at first, then just.. felt embarrassed at how much I reacted, like I was the strange one. I always thought interspecies was.. disgusted by everyone. Maybe it's just trolls and elves..? Talash wasn't the only one to ever comment on me and Thierry, or half-elves half-trolls.. my kind speaks of it as if it's abominable. I don't think I've ever felt so much jealousy over somebody.. it's like they had something beautiful and the world smiled at them, when just the thought of me and Thierry makes everybody cringe. I might just be exaggerating things.. but this has me thinking of kids more than ever, which is to say more than not thinking about it at all. And of course those thoughts brought me to thinking of Tizze and my kin.
I'm reliving much of the guilt I felt since turning down Tizze, who just needed a living male for her and Tale's baby. It was the perfect chance.. a darkspear woman coming to me for help, when I needed to provide to my own people and make the Loas glad, when she was also a good friend in need, who I might have been more comfortable with than any other vicious troll woman out there.. it terrifies me to even imagine. I still let her down, and the Loas, and my whole race and myself and
I feel sick just thinking it.. I don't know how I could have so foolish, so afraid of taking initiative and action, I've never been a person of action. I'm not like Zuli at all, in that way and so many others. I've always been attuned to water, and try to float with life, hoping everything works out. I can't float any more.. all these existing problems may have been avoided if I took more action like him, or like Matojo, and even Talash right now. It's only gotten me to a shameful position where I have to leave my comfort zone, with a bigger belly than ever. I know in my gut and in my heart that even if I wanted my own family with Thierry, I can't without giving something to the Darkspear first, or with the Harbingers sinking into forgotten history.
Hear my words and see my writing, spirits. From tomorrow onward I will walk with the boldness of earth, and the ambition of blazing fire, to put action back into my life and bring balance back to my friends and loved ones. For Thierry, for the Harbingers! For the Horde!
~Your servant
Zurali
spirits of word?
no no it was spirits of writing, dear those guys,
I haven't picked up a pen for personal use in ages, paperwork in Orgrimmar left me burnt out. For a while the Harbinger's transfer to Hillsbrad was actually refreshing, until the last day. Matojo was arrested for ignoring the forsaken's orders.. and the whole unit was sunk for claims of being a rogue group or something. I thought we were allowed to work our own orders, I guess Mat was just lying to us.. maybe he didn't trust them? Or thought he was protecting us, I can't be certain.. but we're in trouble now, it almost looks like the end for us all. Officially, anyway. Teaghue was put in charge, but Talash is already taking rein of things, hoping to get all of us together again for a plan. Thierry talked me into going along with it, by helping me untangle some other issues lately. Loas it's all so much, I can't even think of where to start.
So I just saw Sebrawyn the other day, and it's been a while since I seen any friendly faces outside the unit Harbingers. And she was huge, like night-elf-eating-bread-all-day huge. It became obvious she was pregnant, but it still didn't look normal for an elf, then I saw she was with her new tauren man No, which must be serious now. It had to have been his, and the gossip afterwards confirmed it.. I was so shocked at first, then just.. felt embarrassed at how much I reacted, like I was the strange one. I always thought interspecies was.. disgusted by everyone. Maybe it's just trolls and elves..? Talash wasn't the only one to ever comment on me and Thierry, or half-elves half-trolls.. my kind speaks of it as if it's abominable. I don't think I've ever felt so much jealousy over somebody.. it's like they had something beautiful and the world smiled at them, when just the thought of me and Thierry makes everybody cringe. I might just be exaggerating things.. but this has me thinking of kids more than ever, which is to say more than not thinking about it at all. And of course those thoughts brought me to thinking of Tizze and my kin.
I'm reliving much of the guilt I felt since turning down Tizze, who just needed a living male for her and Tale's baby. It was the perfect chance.. a darkspear woman coming to me for help, when I needed to provide to my own people and make the Loas glad, when she was also a good friend in need, who I might have been more comfortable with than any other vicious troll woman out there.. it terrifies me to even imagine. I still let her down, and the Loas, and my whole race and myself and
I feel sick just thinking it.. I don't know how I could have so foolish, so afraid of taking initiative and action, I've never been a person of action. I'm not like Zuli at all, in that way and so many others. I've always been attuned to water, and try to float with life, hoping everything works out. I can't float any more.. all these existing problems may have been avoided if I took more action like him, or like Matojo, and even Talash right now. It's only gotten me to a shameful position where I have to leave my comfort zone, with a bigger belly than ever. I know in my gut and in my heart that even if I wanted my own family with Thierry, I can't without giving something to the Darkspear first, or with the Harbingers sinking into forgotten history.
Hear my words and see my writing, spirits. From tomorrow onward I will walk with the boldness of earth, and the ambition of blazing fire, to put action back into my life and bring balance back to my friends and loved ones. For Thierry, for the Harbingers! For the Horde!
~Your servant
Zurali