Secrets and Lies
Well, you see... I kinda got hooked on the new BBC Robin Hood series. Thus, it is a new addition to the collection of Fandoms I write for.
I am such a fandom whore. :D
Anyways, here it is:
Title: Secrets and Lies (FF.N link)
Summary: In the first year of Robin's absence from Nottinghamshire, Marian discovers the dangerous and consuming nature of secrets and lies. RobinMarian. Preseries.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Inspired in part by Canne’s ‘When the Bough Breaks’ and comments made by Marian in episode 5, Turk Flu. (and a few other specific comments made throughout the series)
Disclaimer: Anything recognisable isn’t mine, please don’t sue. I’m only a poor student. I do own, however, Anne and her family, and Alice. But that’s it!
Two chapters so far. Let me know what you think.
Chapter 1: What You Miss
Marian stared dully at the food on the tray in front of her. She had absolutely no inclination to eat anything. Gently, she placed the tray on the small stand beside her bed attempted to bury herself beneath her blankets once more.
It had been a full month since his departure and yet she still couldn’t think of him without the ache in her chest coming back. Damn Robin, she couldn’t even hate him, not really. She had certainly tried, after all he did break their betrothal just a month before their wedding. She had most people fooled, but she couldn’t quite fool herself.
She still loved him. Foolish and reckless as he was, she still felt for him. And was trying desperately to mask her worries for his safety with anger.
She’d been doing better recently, but today... today was a bitter reminder that Robin was in the Holy Lands, along a large part of her heart.
This should have been their wedding day.
Marian fiddled with the old pendant she still wore, the one that Robin had given her when they were still both children, and wondered if he remembered what today was meant to be. Or was he too busy trying to find glory, fighting in a war thousands of miles away. And running away from me, she thought bitterly.
A quiet knock on her door interrupted her thoughts, and she heard her father’s voice call her name softly.
“Marian?”
“Come in, Father,” she replied.
Edward looked worried as he entered the room, his sharp eyes darting from Marian, curled up in her bed, to the tray of untouched food on the stand.
“Marian, you must eat something if you want to get well,” he reminded her gently. “Have you had the medicine the physician gave you?”
“Sarah made me take it earlier.”
“Are you sure you wont eat?” Edward tried one more time.
Marian just shook her head. “I’m just not hungry, Father.”
Edward sighed, and went to take the tray to return it to the kitchens when Marian spoke up again suddenly.
“Do you remember what today was meant to be?” she asked softly.
Her father paused, mentally kicking himself for not realising the reason behind Marian’s particularly morose mood today before now. “Your wedding day.”
A single nod was all the reply he got.
Edward leant forward and kissed her on the forehead gently. “He was a fool to leave you, my daughter. One day, he will see that too.” He then picked up the tray and left Marian to her own thoughts once more.
What she failed to mention was that she was scared that her illness was more than the physician had diagnosed. Probably because she had not been entirely truthful when telling him what her ailments were. If she was right... her reputation would be in shatters, and as Sheriff of Nottingham, her father would suffer as well. And Robin, thousands of miles away in the Holy Land, wouldn’t have the slightest idea of the mayhem he’d left in his wake.
Her bleeding was late. She and Robin had only... been intimate... once, about a month before he’d cut and run. They were betrothed after all, they hadn’t seen the harm in bending the rules. They hadn’t counted on war taking him away.
But now, seventeen, unwed and possibly carrying Robin of Locksley’s bastard child, Marian was cursing over their foolishness.
She desperately needed to find a way to either confirm or discount her fears. Without anyone, especially her father, finding out.
~*~*~*~*~*~
A week later, Marian ducked behind the stables as her cousin’s young children raced out of the house. It wasn’t that she was avoiding them especially, more avoiding everyone for the moment. She needed time to think and gather her thoughts.
That, and she didn’t think she could face so vivid a reminder of the secret she carried in her belly.
And that was why she had escaped from Nottinghamshire to visit her cousin Anne and her family, although she had told her father that she merely need to get away for a while. He of course, had suspected that part of her desire to leave was to distance herself from memories of Robin-memories that would pop up without warning all over the place. If he was going to think that, she wasn’t going to correct him.
Anne had been ecstatic to see her once again. Six years older than Marian, the two of them had been great friends, running wild around Nottinghamshire with Robin and Much on her visits to the area. Even after her marriage, the two of them had kept in constant contact and Anne was still Marian’s greatest confidant. Which was why Marian had come to her this time. She would understand.
The night after she arrived in Northamptonshire, she broke down and related everything thing that had happened in the last few months; the betrothal, Robin going to war, her worries and fears, and her suspicions. Anne had promised her that she would find a midwife who could determine whether or not she was with child, and one who could be trusted to keep her mouth shut.
Which was why she now was hiding, as she desperately tried to regroup. Marian sank to the ground and buried her face in her hands, not even trying to hold back the tears. She was pregnant, and she had no idea how she was going to handle this. Her father would be livid, she would be disgraced, and Robin-miles away in Palestine-wouldn’t have a clue.
Marian lowered a shaky hand to her belly and rubbed it anxiously. It was hard to believe that there was a child inside there. Her child. Her and Robin’s child. “What am I going to do, little one?” she whispered.
“Marian?” Anne’s head popped out from around the corner. Taking in Marian’s tear-stained face, she rushed over and cradled Marian in her arms. “I would assume that Alice confirmed it rather than contradicted it then,” she stated softly.
Marian nodded. “What am I going to do, Anne?”
“You are going to stay here and get through this,” she said firmly. “I will help you through this Marian, I promise you. You’ll get through this.” Marian clung to Anne like a lifeline, wishing rather than believing it to be true.
Chapter 2: A Little Pain
Another three and a half months past by, and Marian-about six months into her pregnancy-was glad of the ever deepening winter that allowed her to hide the ever growing swell of her belly underneath heavy cloaks and dresses without raising many suspicions.
She had sent word to her father expressing her desire to stay longer with Anne, although leaving out the exact reason, of course. She wasn’t ready to face that yet, if ever.
She spent a lot of her time with Anne, who helped her with the pregnancy and warned her of things yet to come. She also spent a lot of time with Anne’s two children, Luke and Sophie, who were four and two years old respectively. It filled Marian with a longing to hold her own child, even if just for a moment; she knew that she would never be able to claim her child as her own, and it haunted her. Anne and her husband Hugh had already agreed that they would take Marian’s child and raise it, love it as one of their own. But knowledge that her child, which she believed would be a son, would be in a good home did not ease the guilt, or lessen the pain she felt at the thought of having to give her baby up.
She’d look at Luke and Sophie, seeing the blend of both Anne and Hugh’s features in their small faces, and wondered what her own child would look like. Would he take after her with her fairer skin and dark hair, or would he have brown hair and the lean, athletic build of his father? If he took after his father in looks, he would certainly drive girls mad. Robin definitely had had his share of admiring girls, both in Locksley and Knighton.
Sighing, Marian wrenched herself out of her daydreams and gathered young Sophie up into her arms to put her to bed, smiling slightly at the sleepy protests that came from the girl’s lips.
“But Cousin Marian, I’m not sleepy,” she yawned. “I wanna stay up with you...”
“But I’m going to bed as well, so there isn’t any point staying up with me,” Marian told the girl as she tucked her in.
Sophie opened her mouth to reply, her response was cut off by a strangled gasp from Marian as she clutched her belly.
“Cousin Marian?” Sophie’s voice wavered as she saw the pain written on Marian’s face.
“Go, find your mother, bring her here,” Marian gasped out, and Sophie scampered out of the room, tiredness suddenly forgotten.
Marian sank onto the vacated bed, still clutching her belly. The pain had come suddenly, like a stabbing pain in her abdomen. What was wrong with her, with the baby? It was too soon for this to be happening! Oh please, Lord, she prayed, do not harm my child. He is innocent, do not pin my wrong doings on him. My sins are mine and mine alone. Please Lord, let my son be okay.
Marian wasn’t sure of how long Sophie had been in fetching Anne, but to her it felt like an eternity.
“Marian?” Anne’s voice was sharp with worry. “Marian, Hugh’s going to move you to your room, and I’ll fetch Alice.”
Marian muttered some incoherent rely as she felt herself being picked up and carried to her own room.
Anne and Alice were already there when Hugh brought a moaning Marian in, and they shooed him out of the room after Marian was deposited onto her own bed.
“Lady Marian,” Alice spoke calmly. “You have to try and relax. Try and take deep breaths.”
Anne took Marian’s hand as she tried to comply with the midwife’s advice, and suddenly Marian looked younger than her seventeen years.
Marian tried to prop her head up to look at the midwife. “Alice, why is this-“ she gasped and dropped her head back down as another wave of pain hit. “happening? It’s too soon!”
“I know. But now it’s started, it can’t stop.” Alice’s voice sounded worried.
“But what about the baby?” Marian whispered. Alice remained silent. “Alice?!” Marian questioned frantically.
Anne smoothed Marian’s hair down. “Marian, you need to calm down,” she said seriously. Marian just whimpered. “Marian. Marian look at me!” Anne caught her cousin’s face between her hands and forced Marian to look at her. “Listen to me. You have to be strong. You can do this.”
“Marian, I need you to push soon,” Alice told her. “It’s going to hurt but you have to keep pushing.”
Marian screamed as the next contraction sent a dagger of pain down her core, belatedly remembering to push as instructed.
She let out shaky breath as the contraction waned.
“That was good, Marian, keep going!”
“You mean,” Marian moaned, “I have to do that again-ahh!” Marian’s back arched as she struggled though the next contraction.
About an hour later, Marian’s labour was finally over.
“Alice,” Marian called weakly. “My baby. How is my baby?”
The midwife carefully wrapped the small bundle in her arms before turning to face the young woman. “I’m sorry, Milady,” she whispered. “The babe was stillborn.”
“What...?” Marian whispered.
“There was nothing I could do. The child was already dead.” She looked into Marian’s eyes. “It was nothing you did, Milady,” she said, recognising the self-blame beginning to pool in the young woman’s eyes. “Sometimes these things just happen.”
Marian choked back a sob. “Was it a girl or a boy, Alice?” she whispered.
“A boy, Milady,” she handed the bundle to Marian, who then sobbed into her dead infant’s swaddling, Anne’s arms around her shoulders.
I am such a fandom whore. :D
Anyways, here it is:
Title: Secrets and Lies (FF.N link)
Summary: In the first year of Robin's absence from Nottinghamshire, Marian discovers the dangerous and consuming nature of secrets and lies. RobinMarian. Preseries.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Inspired in part by Canne’s ‘When the Bough Breaks’ and comments made by Marian in episode 5, Turk Flu. (and a few other specific comments made throughout the series)
Disclaimer: Anything recognisable isn’t mine, please don’t sue. I’m only a poor student. I do own, however, Anne and her family, and Alice. But that’s it!
Two chapters so far. Let me know what you think.
Chapter 1: What You Miss
Marian stared dully at the food on the tray in front of her. She had absolutely no inclination to eat anything. Gently, she placed the tray on the small stand beside her bed attempted to bury herself beneath her blankets once more.
It had been a full month since his departure and yet she still couldn’t think of him without the ache in her chest coming back. Damn Robin, she couldn’t even hate him, not really. She had certainly tried, after all he did break their betrothal just a month before their wedding. She had most people fooled, but she couldn’t quite fool herself.
She still loved him. Foolish and reckless as he was, she still felt for him. And was trying desperately to mask her worries for his safety with anger.
She’d been doing better recently, but today... today was a bitter reminder that Robin was in the Holy Lands, along a large part of her heart.
This should have been their wedding day.
Marian fiddled with the old pendant she still wore, the one that Robin had given her when they were still both children, and wondered if he remembered what today was meant to be. Or was he too busy trying to find glory, fighting in a war thousands of miles away. And running away from me, she thought bitterly.
A quiet knock on her door interrupted her thoughts, and she heard her father’s voice call her name softly.
“Marian?”
“Come in, Father,” she replied.
Edward looked worried as he entered the room, his sharp eyes darting from Marian, curled up in her bed, to the tray of untouched food on the stand.
“Marian, you must eat something if you want to get well,” he reminded her gently. “Have you had the medicine the physician gave you?”
“Sarah made me take it earlier.”
“Are you sure you wont eat?” Edward tried one more time.
Marian just shook her head. “I’m just not hungry, Father.”
Edward sighed, and went to take the tray to return it to the kitchens when Marian spoke up again suddenly.
“Do you remember what today was meant to be?” she asked softly.
Her father paused, mentally kicking himself for not realising the reason behind Marian’s particularly morose mood today before now. “Your wedding day.”
A single nod was all the reply he got.
Edward leant forward and kissed her on the forehead gently. “He was a fool to leave you, my daughter. One day, he will see that too.” He then picked up the tray and left Marian to her own thoughts once more.
What she failed to mention was that she was scared that her illness was more than the physician had diagnosed. Probably because she had not been entirely truthful when telling him what her ailments were. If she was right... her reputation would be in shatters, and as Sheriff of Nottingham, her father would suffer as well. And Robin, thousands of miles away in the Holy Land, wouldn’t have the slightest idea of the mayhem he’d left in his wake.
Her bleeding was late. She and Robin had only... been intimate... once, about a month before he’d cut and run. They were betrothed after all, they hadn’t seen the harm in bending the rules. They hadn’t counted on war taking him away.
But now, seventeen, unwed and possibly carrying Robin of Locksley’s bastard child, Marian was cursing over their foolishness.
She desperately needed to find a way to either confirm or discount her fears. Without anyone, especially her father, finding out.
~*~*~*~*~*~
A week later, Marian ducked behind the stables as her cousin’s young children raced out of the house. It wasn’t that she was avoiding them especially, more avoiding everyone for the moment. She needed time to think and gather her thoughts.
That, and she didn’t think she could face so vivid a reminder of the secret she carried in her belly.
And that was why she had escaped from Nottinghamshire to visit her cousin Anne and her family, although she had told her father that she merely need to get away for a while. He of course, had suspected that part of her desire to leave was to distance herself from memories of Robin-memories that would pop up without warning all over the place. If he was going to think that, she wasn’t going to correct him.
Anne had been ecstatic to see her once again. Six years older than Marian, the two of them had been great friends, running wild around Nottinghamshire with Robin and Much on her visits to the area. Even after her marriage, the two of them had kept in constant contact and Anne was still Marian’s greatest confidant. Which was why Marian had come to her this time. She would understand.
The night after she arrived in Northamptonshire, she broke down and related everything thing that had happened in the last few months; the betrothal, Robin going to war, her worries and fears, and her suspicions. Anne had promised her that she would find a midwife who could determine whether or not she was with child, and one who could be trusted to keep her mouth shut.
Which was why she now was hiding, as she desperately tried to regroup. Marian sank to the ground and buried her face in her hands, not even trying to hold back the tears. She was pregnant, and she had no idea how she was going to handle this. Her father would be livid, she would be disgraced, and Robin-miles away in Palestine-wouldn’t have a clue.
Marian lowered a shaky hand to her belly and rubbed it anxiously. It was hard to believe that there was a child inside there. Her child. Her and Robin’s child. “What am I going to do, little one?” she whispered.
“Marian?” Anne’s head popped out from around the corner. Taking in Marian’s tear-stained face, she rushed over and cradled Marian in her arms. “I would assume that Alice confirmed it rather than contradicted it then,” she stated softly.
Marian nodded. “What am I going to do, Anne?”
“You are going to stay here and get through this,” she said firmly. “I will help you through this Marian, I promise you. You’ll get through this.” Marian clung to Anne like a lifeline, wishing rather than believing it to be true.
Chapter 2: A Little Pain
Another three and a half months past by, and Marian-about six months into her pregnancy-was glad of the ever deepening winter that allowed her to hide the ever growing swell of her belly underneath heavy cloaks and dresses without raising many suspicions.
She had sent word to her father expressing her desire to stay longer with Anne, although leaving out the exact reason, of course. She wasn’t ready to face that yet, if ever.
She spent a lot of her time with Anne, who helped her with the pregnancy and warned her of things yet to come. She also spent a lot of time with Anne’s two children, Luke and Sophie, who were four and two years old respectively. It filled Marian with a longing to hold her own child, even if just for a moment; she knew that she would never be able to claim her child as her own, and it haunted her. Anne and her husband Hugh had already agreed that they would take Marian’s child and raise it, love it as one of their own. But knowledge that her child, which she believed would be a son, would be in a good home did not ease the guilt, or lessen the pain she felt at the thought of having to give her baby up.
She’d look at Luke and Sophie, seeing the blend of both Anne and Hugh’s features in their small faces, and wondered what her own child would look like. Would he take after her with her fairer skin and dark hair, or would he have brown hair and the lean, athletic build of his father? If he took after his father in looks, he would certainly drive girls mad. Robin definitely had had his share of admiring girls, both in Locksley and Knighton.
Sighing, Marian wrenched herself out of her daydreams and gathered young Sophie up into her arms to put her to bed, smiling slightly at the sleepy protests that came from the girl’s lips.
“But Cousin Marian, I’m not sleepy,” she yawned. “I wanna stay up with you...”
“But I’m going to bed as well, so there isn’t any point staying up with me,” Marian told the girl as she tucked her in.
Sophie opened her mouth to reply, her response was cut off by a strangled gasp from Marian as she clutched her belly.
“Cousin Marian?” Sophie’s voice wavered as she saw the pain written on Marian’s face.
“Go, find your mother, bring her here,” Marian gasped out, and Sophie scampered out of the room, tiredness suddenly forgotten.
Marian sank onto the vacated bed, still clutching her belly. The pain had come suddenly, like a stabbing pain in her abdomen. What was wrong with her, with the baby? It was too soon for this to be happening! Oh please, Lord, she prayed, do not harm my child. He is innocent, do not pin my wrong doings on him. My sins are mine and mine alone. Please Lord, let my son be okay.
Marian wasn’t sure of how long Sophie had been in fetching Anne, but to her it felt like an eternity.
“Marian?” Anne’s voice was sharp with worry. “Marian, Hugh’s going to move you to your room, and I’ll fetch Alice.”
Marian muttered some incoherent rely as she felt herself being picked up and carried to her own room.
Anne and Alice were already there when Hugh brought a moaning Marian in, and they shooed him out of the room after Marian was deposited onto her own bed.
“Lady Marian,” Alice spoke calmly. “You have to try and relax. Try and take deep breaths.”
Anne took Marian’s hand as she tried to comply with the midwife’s advice, and suddenly Marian looked younger than her seventeen years.
Marian tried to prop her head up to look at the midwife. “Alice, why is this-“ she gasped and dropped her head back down as another wave of pain hit. “happening? It’s too soon!”
“I know. But now it’s started, it can’t stop.” Alice’s voice sounded worried.
“But what about the baby?” Marian whispered. Alice remained silent. “Alice?!” Marian questioned frantically.
Anne smoothed Marian’s hair down. “Marian, you need to calm down,” she said seriously. Marian just whimpered. “Marian. Marian look at me!” Anne caught her cousin’s face between her hands and forced Marian to look at her. “Listen to me. You have to be strong. You can do this.”
“Marian, I need you to push soon,” Alice told her. “It’s going to hurt but you have to keep pushing.”
Marian screamed as the next contraction sent a dagger of pain down her core, belatedly remembering to push as instructed.
She let out shaky breath as the contraction waned.
“That was good, Marian, keep going!”
“You mean,” Marian moaned, “I have to do that again-ahh!” Marian’s back arched as she struggled though the next contraction.
About an hour later, Marian’s labour was finally over.
“Alice,” Marian called weakly. “My baby. How is my baby?”
The midwife carefully wrapped the small bundle in her arms before turning to face the young woman. “I’m sorry, Milady,” she whispered. “The babe was stillborn.”
“What...?” Marian whispered.
“There was nothing I could do. The child was already dead.” She looked into Marian’s eyes. “It was nothing you did, Milady,” she said, recognising the self-blame beginning to pool in the young woman’s eyes. “Sometimes these things just happen.”
Marian choked back a sob. “Was it a girl or a boy, Alice?” she whispered.
“A boy, Milady,” she handed the bundle to Marian, who then sobbed into her dead infant’s swaddling, Anne’s arms around her shoulders.