Right...update on what's been going on, and just general gushing about Mike. I'm such a sap...
Well, while I was commenting on everyone’s comments and entries, I realised it’s been about a week since I’ve actually posted something that even remotely talks about what’s been going on around here, which is extremely unusual for me.
I guess there’s just been so much going on that I haven’t really sat down and took the time to process all of it. First half of the week, things were good. It’s the 20th on that kinda makes my head spin.
Got in a huge fight with Connor on his birthday that hurt us both. Him more so. I know this. But he’s agreed to let me come by tomorrow after school, so that’s a definite plus. I wonder if he’s ever really going to believe how much I care about him? How much I value his friendship? *sigh* I really hope we’re gonna be okay.
Then there was Faith’s birthday…that was good. Busy but good. She seemed to be genuinely happy that night, which was really nice. She deserves good birthdays.
Then came Ethan’s awful spell. Play off our fears, exasperate things…make us totally and completely paranoid to the point where we all turn on each other. That seemed to be the plan. And it seemed to mostly work. Faith and Xander were practically at each other’s throats. Spike accidentally vamped out in front of Charlie…she freaked out…consequently Spike’s back to thinking he’s some terrible monster. He’s so much better than that though…everyone knows that. *sigh* Except apparently him. Willow tried to do a spell to figure out what was going on, after she and Tara had argued about it…and it backfired entirely. Buffy was a total space case. I was just worrying about things I hadn’t even consciously thought about in months. Things that have zero basis in reality, and I know that. Things’ll get better in a few days once I’ve had a chance to calm down some more. Anya and Faith ended up fighting…not listening to anyone’s attempts to get them to stop…and Anya ended up hitting Faith…
That spell? Definitely not of the good.
I seriously doubt Ethan’s gonna be back any time soon though. Between Buffy, Giles and Tara, I think they put the fear of death in him. *laughs* I have the most amazing family. I know I don’t say it enough…but I do.
After the spell was lifted, things improved drastically for pretty much everybody. There’s still some tensions between Xander and Faith…which isn’t going to change unless they relax a little and realise neither of them is going anywhere if they have any say at all. They’re freaking me out on a scale that Spike and Buffy used to (so very glad they aren’t fighting on a daily basis anymore…they both seem so much happier).
Anyway…Faith and Tara got talking while Mike and I were out with Kit and Carlos getting pizza. Right…more like they try to tolerate Mike and I on a complete hormone overload, and are making out like that’s how we breathe or something. *laughs* Back to Faith and Tara. Turns out they’re sisters. Not sure I’m clear on all the details of how this all happened (physically, I get it…but Tara didn’t grow up anywhere near Faith, so, yeah…) but they both seem really happy about it. Can’t say I really blame them. As much as Buffy has the ability to make me crazy, I don’t know what I’d do without my sister…and I can’t imagine not having her in my life…there’s just this impenetrable bond that people who don’t have siblings don’t quite really get, I guess. I mean, even when we’re screaming at each other and completely pissed off…we still love each other more than anything.
The rest of the day was pretty good…’cept for when Buffy said she said she wasn’t annoyed that Mike and I didn’t come down to dinner right away. Well, I’m fairly sure Xander and Spike were annoyed too, but Buffy didn’t respond when I spoke directly to her, or look up when I walked in the room, so she was definitely mad about our being all distracted with each other. Geez, we were only kissing. Kinda really freaks me out that no one said anything though…’cause like I said to Mike…it was probably the first time since he had moved in that any of them really had any right to get on our case…usually Xander runs with less than that. So yeah, just a bit wigged. And wondering what gives.
Ended up talking with Mike quite a bit about his dad after dinner (Well, and a bunch of other things…it was one of those evenings where we just laid on the bed, talking for the longest time…). I hate so much that that man still has all this power over Mike. He’s no where near him. He’s in jail because he shot Anya. Hasn’t talked to Mike in months and months…yet still has enough power over him with the things he used to say to make one of the most amazing, loving, strong people that I have ever met feel like a complete failure.
Is there some rule somewhere that says that biological fathers have to completely mess up their kids to the point where in some ways they’ll always be broken beyond repair? ‘Cause I’m really starting to think that. ‘Cause, me, Buffy, Xander, Mike? All so very screwed over by our dads. And the stupidest thing? No matter what they do to us…we still miss them and love them. Want to see them, even. Mike’s thinking about maybe going to see Aaron for his birthday. Which is totally his choice. I can’t tell him what to do. As much as I’d like to be able to make this decision for him, it’s something he really needs to do on his own. I can help him try to sort out his feelings, but that’s it.
I’ve come to a conclusion. It doesn’t matter how stressed out I am about anything, or how much I feel like I’m so different from everyone else to the point where I just don’t fit anywhere, one comment, one smile, one look from Mike, and it just all melts away…there’s nobody else in the entire world but us, and I can breathe again.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I want to be able to look back over this journal years from now…when life starts complicating everything good I have right now, and be reminded of how no matter what, when I’m safe in Mike’s arms, I’m home…everything’s okay. It’s been that way since that day in the park last September. *smiles* I never want to loose that feeling.
Today was actually really good, for the most part. Sundays usually are though…because that means I get to spend time with my sister, just the two of us. Training was good. Buffy says I’m doing really well. Though for some reason I’ve actually agreed to another all out sparring session. Since Buffy’s still insisting she let me win the last time. Guess I’m gonna be a Dawnie-shaped bruise by the time I come home next week either way though. Without the handy rapid healing thing that slayers have. *laughs*
Got talking about Thanksgiving and dad and everything….and Buffy actually wanted to invite him (what the heck is going on, right? I know…), until I talked her out of it…because putting him through the chaos that’s invedable on Thursday with Xander, Faith and Anya just was so far from fair. I’m supposed to call him tonight and see if he’s free Wednesday night for a dinner with just everyone at the house. I should ask Mike if he wants Mia to come too…since he was saying yesterday that he really should visit her soon.
Couldn’t think of a movie that we actually wanted to see this week, though, so we decided to go to the Salon after mochas. Buffy died her hair…this really pretty light brown now. And didn’t completely freak out when I pointed out there were a lot cheaper ways to go about achieving that, one of which being magicks (I can’t believe she didn’t realise that’s what I’d been doing with my streaks…). So massive progress on my big sister’s part. I just got my ends trimmed and my nails done.
Rest of the day has again so far been spent with Mike. Had the forethought to bring snacks with me when I came up to our room when I got home…basically knowing that he’d probably been too focused on his homework to bother eating anything since breakfast. If I remember correctly, I was called a goddess for bringing him food *smiles* We just kinda hung out and talked, munched and kissed for a while…but once again proving that when we can afford it to, the concept of self control becomes a completely foreign concept, the kissing rapidly transformed into probably the single most intense love making session that we’ve ever had…which says a lot, especially when compared to yesterday’s day long sexual frustration build up and release. There aren’t words to properly describe this afternoon. *happy sigh* And you know what? So not even caring that that was probably far too much info…my journal.
Kinda wondering why it is I’m awake already when Mike isn’t though…*laughs* I should wrap this up and go back to bed till dinner…
I guess there’s just been so much going on that I haven’t really sat down and took the time to process all of it. First half of the week, things were good. It’s the 20th on that kinda makes my head spin.
Got in a huge fight with Connor on his birthday that hurt us both. Him more so. I know this. But he’s agreed to let me come by tomorrow after school, so that’s a definite plus. I wonder if he’s ever really going to believe how much I care about him? How much I value his friendship? *sigh* I really hope we’re gonna be okay.
Then there was Faith’s birthday…that was good. Busy but good. She seemed to be genuinely happy that night, which was really nice. She deserves good birthdays.
Then came Ethan’s awful spell. Play off our fears, exasperate things…make us totally and completely paranoid to the point where we all turn on each other. That seemed to be the plan. And it seemed to mostly work. Faith and Xander were practically at each other’s throats. Spike accidentally vamped out in front of Charlie…she freaked out…consequently Spike’s back to thinking he’s some terrible monster. He’s so much better than that though…everyone knows that. *sigh* Except apparently him. Willow tried to do a spell to figure out what was going on, after she and Tara had argued about it…and it backfired entirely. Buffy was a total space case. I was just worrying about things I hadn’t even consciously thought about in months. Things that have zero basis in reality, and I know that. Things’ll get better in a few days once I’ve had a chance to calm down some more. Anya and Faith ended up fighting…not listening to anyone’s attempts to get them to stop…and Anya ended up hitting Faith…
That spell? Definitely not of the good.
I seriously doubt Ethan’s gonna be back any time soon though. Between Buffy, Giles and Tara, I think they put the fear of death in him. *laughs* I have the most amazing family. I know I don’t say it enough…but I do.
After the spell was lifted, things improved drastically for pretty much everybody. There’s still some tensions between Xander and Faith…which isn’t going to change unless they relax a little and realise neither of them is going anywhere if they have any say at all. They’re freaking me out on a scale that Spike and Buffy used to (so very glad they aren’t fighting on a daily basis anymore…they both seem so much happier).
Anyway…Faith and Tara got talking while Mike and I were out with Kit and Carlos getting pizza. Right…more like they try to tolerate Mike and I on a complete hormone overload, and are making out like that’s how we breathe or something. *laughs* Back to Faith and Tara. Turns out they’re sisters. Not sure I’m clear on all the details of how this all happened (physically, I get it…but Tara didn’t grow up anywhere near Faith, so, yeah…) but they both seem really happy about it. Can’t say I really blame them. As much as Buffy has the ability to make me crazy, I don’t know what I’d do without my sister…and I can’t imagine not having her in my life…there’s just this impenetrable bond that people who don’t have siblings don’t quite really get, I guess. I mean, even when we’re screaming at each other and completely pissed off…we still love each other more than anything.
The rest of the day was pretty good…’cept for when Buffy said she said she wasn’t annoyed that Mike and I didn’t come down to dinner right away. Well, I’m fairly sure Xander and Spike were annoyed too, but Buffy didn’t respond when I spoke directly to her, or look up when I walked in the room, so she was definitely mad about our being all distracted with each other. Geez, we were only kissing. Kinda really freaks me out that no one said anything though…’cause like I said to Mike…it was probably the first time since he had moved in that any of them really had any right to get on our case…usually Xander runs with less than that. So yeah, just a bit wigged. And wondering what gives.
Ended up talking with Mike quite a bit about his dad after dinner (Well, and a bunch of other things…it was one of those evenings where we just laid on the bed, talking for the longest time…). I hate so much that that man still has all this power over Mike. He’s no where near him. He’s in jail because he shot Anya. Hasn’t talked to Mike in months and months…yet still has enough power over him with the things he used to say to make one of the most amazing, loving, strong people that I have ever met feel like a complete failure.
Is there some rule somewhere that says that biological fathers have to completely mess up their kids to the point where in some ways they’ll always be broken beyond repair? ‘Cause I’m really starting to think that. ‘Cause, me, Buffy, Xander, Mike? All so very screwed over by our dads. And the stupidest thing? No matter what they do to us…we still miss them and love them. Want to see them, even. Mike’s thinking about maybe going to see Aaron for his birthday. Which is totally his choice. I can’t tell him what to do. As much as I’d like to be able to make this decision for him, it’s something he really needs to do on his own. I can help him try to sort out his feelings, but that’s it.
I’ve come to a conclusion. It doesn’t matter how stressed out I am about anything, or how much I feel like I’m so different from everyone else to the point where I just don’t fit anywhere, one comment, one smile, one look from Mike, and it just all melts away…there’s nobody else in the entire world but us, and I can breathe again.
Why am I bringing this up? Because I want to be able to look back over this journal years from now…when life starts complicating everything good I have right now, and be reminded of how no matter what, when I’m safe in Mike’s arms, I’m home…everything’s okay. It’s been that way since that day in the park last September. *smiles* I never want to loose that feeling.
Today was actually really good, for the most part. Sundays usually are though…because that means I get to spend time with my sister, just the two of us. Training was good. Buffy says I’m doing really well. Though for some reason I’ve actually agreed to another all out sparring session. Since Buffy’s still insisting she let me win the last time. Guess I’m gonna be a Dawnie-shaped bruise by the time I come home next week either way though. Without the handy rapid healing thing that slayers have. *laughs*
Got talking about Thanksgiving and dad and everything….and Buffy actually wanted to invite him (what the heck is going on, right? I know…), until I talked her out of it…because putting him through the chaos that’s invedable on Thursday with Xander, Faith and Anya just was so far from fair. I’m supposed to call him tonight and see if he’s free Wednesday night for a dinner with just everyone at the house. I should ask Mike if he wants Mia to come too…since he was saying yesterday that he really should visit her soon.
Couldn’t think of a movie that we actually wanted to see this week, though, so we decided to go to the Salon after mochas. Buffy died her hair…this really pretty light brown now. And didn’t completely freak out when I pointed out there were a lot cheaper ways to go about achieving that, one of which being magicks (I can’t believe she didn’t realise that’s what I’d been doing with my streaks…). So massive progress on my big sister’s part. I just got my ends trimmed and my nails done.
Rest of the day has again so far been spent with Mike. Had the forethought to bring snacks with me when I came up to our room when I got home…basically knowing that he’d probably been too focused on his homework to bother eating anything since breakfast. If I remember correctly, I was called a goddess for bringing him food *smiles* We just kinda hung out and talked, munched and kissed for a while…but once again proving that when we can afford it to, the concept of self control becomes a completely foreign concept, the kissing rapidly transformed into probably the single most intense love making session that we’ve ever had…which says a lot, especially when compared to yesterday’s day long sexual frustration build up and release. There aren’t words to properly describe this afternoon. *happy sigh* And you know what? So not even caring that that was probably far too much info…my journal.
Kinda wondering why it is I’m awake already when Mike isn’t though…*laughs* I should wrap this up and go back to bed till dinner…