We ate a small fat lady

Apr 23, 2004 00:12

So I said to Chad, “hey, lets go to Mexico.” And he said, “Sure ok.” So he picked me up and we started heading south. We didn’t even pack anything and brought only the clothes on our backs and about $50 between us. Of course I brought my credit cards but Chad wisely left his behind so he wouldn’t spend too much. After driving a good distance we began to notice the traffic was getting ridiculously congested, the air grew foul and breathing became difficult, people were driving brutally and shockingly aggressive without concern for pedestrians or other vehicles, the streets were filthy and littered with an enormous mass of people pouring into streets as if the cars were invisible to them, people were no longer speaking English, and the street signs were in Spanish. It became painfully obvious to us where we were; I mean what more proof could anyone ask for?

Elated we had arrived to our destination we went to find parking. $8 for parking! Damn that’s expensive! down to $42. walking down the street we got hungry and decided to eat some authentic Mexican food. We went to the closest street food tent and got some gorditas, they charged us $3 for each one!!! Geeez! they really rip off the white gringos, and when I spoke Spanish to them it still didn’t do any good! Total: $36. So the tiny gordita doesn’t fill us up and we decided that crazy Mexican women ripped us off, so he found another joint 3 feet away from her. This place offered something we’ve never seen before, huaraches. The lady apparently saw how easily we gave her neighbor so much and tried to con us into paying her $3 per huarache (mind you its just as tiny as a gordita, and with basically the same ingredients)! So with my mad bartering skillz and fluent Spanish I got her to agree to give us two huaraches with extra napkins for $6. I told chad we just ate a small fate lady (gordita) and a sandal (huarache). Our total was now $30. We got thirsty and decided to buy margaritas at another joint in the middle of the street. Get this; this crazy Mexican woman wanted $10 for each drink!! Wow, we really got screwed big time, three times over; we’re down to $10! Then we saw some police officers and their giant police RV with some squad cars and realized something was terribly wrong. The markings on the police cars indicated we were not in Mexico, we were in San Antonio! This explained the ridiculous prices. Through simple logic and a few calculations on my extra napkins I came to the conclusion San Antonio is Mexico City but MUCH more expensive. We decided that while we were in San Antonio, we might as well take an educational tour of the great historical places like the Alamo. So we drove past the Alamo and glanced at it and decided to go to the only historical building that was still open in downtown, the 111 year old building that just happens to now be a Gay club, the Bonham Exchange. Isn’t it interesting how this gay dance club used to be the headquarters of a Catholic club? To take a tour of the building they took $5 from each of us! We were down to $0. but my credit cards came to the rescue when I bought my first Rum Punch and Washington Apple, OMG Washington Apples are the SHIZNITZ yo! So yeah, that was my trip to Mexico. I suggest going to real Mexico though, its WAaaaaay cheaper.
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