It's building up
On my home from school now and I've decided to blog so that I don't fall asleep on the train. I don't like the feeling of sleeping while standing.
Posted on FB last night that yes, this is the beginning of year 6. Didn't really feel much before the CNY break not because I'm some genius, but I guess I had a taste of something much worse last year and so the stress level didn't overwhelm me that much. Could at least take things one step at a time then, accidentally crash before 11pm at night and yet not have accumulated any backlogs, with the exception of my EE which I have no good reason for why it should be an exception.
Lol but looking back at my first try in IB from year 2009-2010, I really think I was one of the worst students. Not just in academics, but my learning attitude as well. Like... Not handing in work on time, sleeping in class, blur sotong... There was once I was with 2 teachers and one of them was telling the other teacher that I'm a fine student, as in fine conduct, won't give any trouble, just that I'm quite weak in my academics. Lol that was meant as a compliment, but if you look at it another way, it's like saying there's nothing good in me other than that I'm slightly polite.
Anyway, things are different now and I thank God for that. Lol not that I'm doing exceedingly well but at least things are manageable right now. Eh wait, before CNY break, they were manageable but at this point, er... We shall see.
I believe that it has been God carrying me through all along. I really wouldn't have been able to do all these without Him. This isn't something that my faith has told me, but it's something that I've experienced it for myself. I received help which appeared out of nowhere in certain circumstances, bio paper at the end of last year was a miracle considering that I slept at 3 plus 4 the night before and it turned out to be my best subject for that round of exams, the encouragement and prayers came from friends who cared when I least expected them and things like that. So yea, this time round, I'm counting on God as well!
Sure I can moan and groan about how sucky things have been, how I'm drowning, how IB is going to kill me, how the whole wide world is just against me blahblahblah, but hurhur no point la huh. Not only will I be dampening my friends' moods as well, I'll also be leading myself to sink into self-pity, depression or whatever crap. That's why you see me keeping quiet during the exam period. Lol no need to contribute to the stress pool man. If I can't drain any bit of that pool away, the least I can do is to shut up and not contribute to it.
I don't mean to say we should surpress our emotions. It's good to talk about it with your friends so that we can support one another. But when confiding turns into pointless ranting (just to get someone else to "share your pain" by adding on to what you've said and go "ya!!! Same, I'm dying!"), it's just going to result in some vicious cycle of erm... Pain? It's like going around looking for someone who can add salt to your wound. Like what the bible says, sometimes it's better to listen to words that you can't agree with than to listen to words that are sweet to our ears and eventually lead to undesirable consequences. And looking at how everyone seem to be able to agree with you on anything, probably cos your opinions aren't going to affect them anyway and yet they can gain your approval, it's seems hard to find someone who truly cares nowadays.
Anyway, at least there are things for me to look forward to next week even though the workload's probably not going to "have mercy on me".
Monday's V-day! But ah well, before the sweet part of the day comes, I have some sort of a mock IOC on King Lear in the morning. And I'm the first. But ah well, I guess that's cos Cheung knows it would be harder for me to prepare if it's any later seeing that I'm going to have 3 or 4 exchanges, intensive guitar pracs for SYF and all in the next 2 months. But still, I'll do my best for it and make that day an entirely sweet day. Really can't wait for that day to come :P
And hehe I managed to convince someone to go out with me next week. Lol thank God for blessing me with the ability to erm... plan surprises? Haha haven't done this in a long long while, like since a year plus ago. Kinda miss this feeling of being able to do small little things for people whom I love to brighten up their day. It's not hard to do such things, it's just hard to find people for me to do these for, lol there's just some problem with me somewhere la. Love's the catalyst of any work done by me seriously. Just as how cars need petrol, I need love to get anything done. If not usually I'll just go, "Hurhur sorry I got too lazy." Thank God for the person who got me to do it, because if she didn't, I probably wouldn't haven taken the initiative to do it for that person.
Looking forward to next week! :D gonna post up a list of to-do, just so that my mind knows where I'm heading. Small reminder to self. Pieces of paper just go missing every time and the fact that I know people like Charlotte actually keeps track of how many things I've struck out in a way gives me the pressure (good pressure) to finish what I have to. Hahaha
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