28 :)
Seems like most blogging will have to be done on the move this year.
Today the 4th batch got their IB results. I was with some of them last night and at the end before we decided to wrap up with a prayer, I gave my sincerest wish, "I really hope you guys will be able to sleep tonight". Everyone reacted to that. Lol I know how annoying it is to be kept up at night thinking about something which you have absolutely no control over alright.
Being someone who's "calm and composed" like what some people told me, which can be taken as "you're a piece of stone man" (haha sorry, I really think so), I don't really react to a lot of things. I know, I know, I seem to get emotional very easily on my blog especially but haha seriously, they are always about the same 1 or 2 things. Rarely do I react to things, don't know why.
Ask me about a a rare moment when I genuinely felt happy for someone. Today.
I was just sitting on the left wing of the hall, clapping and cheering as the names of the 44 and 45 pointers being called out. Haha please, how many of my friend's have actually seen me cheer before? Close to none I think? Cheer as in informal random outburst of loud noises, not the kind of organised team cheers. Lol
Really really proud of them. They set a new record man! A whole new record that was unprecedented and totally unexpected. Seriously! While the 5th batch of year 6s, whom I'm currently in the midst of now, worry over how well we would have to fare next year to bring it to a greater height, all I was concerned about was that my friends have done well and I'm proud of them.
Haha nahh, most probably they wouldn't know how joyful I felt this entire day since the release of results, but it's okay :) I like the silent me whom people will incline their ears to whenever I speak just cos it's too rare. Lol a bit AA I know. Haha kidding la, even though that really did feel good when I was about to share about my faith and Justin was ALL EARS while Thad had that that that face that kept me going as I shared. But anyway, what's more important than what I feel for them is that they were really smiling from ear to ear. Best gift of today. I'm sorry for being so prideful, but I really am super proud of them. I know I know, that's like totally none of my business like I'm no longer even part of the cohort and I didn't even have any Chinese results to get today, but... So? 我爽，我开心，怎样？！
As 2010 approached the end, I thought back on what Sam shared with me a year ago about how sad she felt when she saw her friends moving on without her. I did constant checks on myself and I asked myself from time to time, "so how do you feel about this?"
A few months ago, in an SMS from Sam, she asked me if I was feeling the way she did a year ago. Subsequently, I had people asking me that, hinting that. Like 2 weeks ago, Germaine was like "you would have graduated by now". Just a few days ago, Patrick said something like it's sad that the 2010 batch are getting their results and we aren't (which I questioned honestly without knowing what he meant by that and he replied, "you not sad meh?"). And 2 nights ago, Anne and I had a short conversation on that.
I don't know how people looked at me when I told them "no, I don't feel sad at all", of which Sam was the only one I gave good reasons to. I don't know, maybe they think that I was being fake, maybe they think I was just acting tough (as usual) or maybe they think I'm Judy a heartless freak. Whatever. But hey hey, I don't answer to questions like that without thinking over it myself and if I choose to give an answer instead of avoiding it altogether by saying I don't want to talk about it, I give my honest opinions alright.
Lesson learnt in the past one year: honesty must be upheld. Stories another time if I feel like it.
But anyway, so yea my answer was no I don't feel sad and I've truly enjoyed myself with the bunch of people and the opportunity to look through a whole new perspective this year. Seriously, how many people have been given this opportunity? Most are either smart enough to move on or just run away. As for me, well... Perhaps smart enough to scrape through my re-exams but maybe some would consider me foolish for going back a year. If you know the reasons I had, haha you would probably think I'm the foolish-est person.
But I thank God for people like Alex, Joel and some others who constantly reassured me and comfort me with what seemed to be their "admiration". Haha thank God for this opportunity of staying back a year. If I get to return to the start of 2010 to choose again, I'll take this same path.
Hard to explain this feeling, but yes, walking with God certainly brings the best, things that are waaaaay better than what I have ever expected, than what I could ever have dreamt of.
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