If I Knew Then... Ch. 9
Sorry for spamming, but I have to finish posting the old chapters for tagging before I can post the new If I Knew Then... chapter. I'll be posting them in larger batches. Three today and possibly four tomorrow or the next.
In completely unrelated news, I want THIS.
Title: If I Knew Then...
Author: Shade
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG to NC17
Disclaimer: All assorted characters belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss which is fine, because I suspect Buffy's high maintenance anyway.
Summary: AU-The African demon in Grave grants Spike's wish in a way he never planned. Flung back in time, he has to relive the previous three years with all the knowledge of what's to come.
A/N: Originally beated with super beta magic by blinding_sight. Certain bits of dialog are taken from the following BtVS episodes:
4:15: This Year's Girl
Chapter 9: "This Year's Girl"
Spike is laid back in the barcalounger watching Xander's back muscles twitch and move under the plain white T-shirt he's wearing. Harris has been futzing with the Initiative zap gun for the last hour and from the various noises coming from the boy, it hasn't been going well. The bed is folded up as a couch for once. Willow and Giles sit on it drinking Kool-aid and discussing her classes. Spike hasn't been this bored in ages.
"How's it coming?" he asks without real interest.
There's a wordless grumble for a response. Buffy takes that moment to come out from the bathroom and looks over her troops. Giles and Willow get a soft smile, Xander gets a worried look, and he gets a wrinkled up nose. Spike is too tired to bother flipping her off. Their Scooby meeting is interrupting his prime sleep time.
"So can you repair it?" the Slayer asks standing on her toes to peek over Xander's shoulder.
"Sure. Just as soon as I get my masters degree in advance starship technology," Harris grumbles and throws down his pliers.
Spike gets up and takes a look at the thing that brought him down. He sniffs it a bit and pokes at the wires. Xander stands beside him and the pair stare at it like a couple of shade tree mechanics. Spike lights a cigarette and puffs thoughtfully.
"What do you think?" Harris asks.
"I've messed around a bit in my time, but I've never been much for wiring and such."
"You want to give it a shot?"
"No thanks, I get enough Initiative zaps as it is," he says tapping his temple.
Buffy looks impatient. "Just tell me, can you two repair it or not?"
"I'm working on it. I'm working on it," Xander grumbles and goes back to twiddling. This time Spike stands over his shoulder and does some backseat tinkering.
Willow, Buffy, and Giles start having a discussion behind them. Extra patrols... are you tired? Blah, blah, blah... Spike tunes them out and watches the boy work.
"No, no, try the blue one."
Xander tries the blue one. A big spark flies out making Spike rear back. Xander jerks his hands away and starts shaking them out. The gun gives off a big puff of smoke and the boy shoots him a murderous look. He merely shrugs.
"Maybe you should have tried the yellow one?"
"You... you... vampire!"
Spike rolls his eyes. "Yeah, what of it? Be glad, that's not even a fraction of what it's like when the chip goes off."
Xander sucks on his fingers and gives him a sympathetic look. The puppy dog eyes are too much for him, so he looks back at the others. As usual, they missed the whole drama.
After a while, Giles heads home and they all gear up for patrol. Buffy moves off on her own. She's got her mind on Finn, so Spike sticks with the other two. He listens to Willow and Xander's idle chatting and it's almost soothing. Their quiet conversation is a nice background murmur and Spike lets it wash over him as he stretches out his senses looking for trouble.
They make their way through a clump of trees when he hears Buffy's heartbeat suddenly speed up. Spike quickens his pace and the three of them find what has the Slayer so upset. A demon is strung up between two trees and is cracked open from stem to stern. It's a lot like that alien autopsy film that Xander watches occasionally because he knows it amuses Spike even though he gets grossed out every time. Someone's lit a fire inside the poor beast to show off his handy work. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whom. After that, they don't bother finishing out patrol.
Back in the basement and Buffy is pacing. She is staring off into nothing. The others are quiet. Spike never thought something like that would bother them. Sometimes it seems as if nothing fazes these kids.
"I've never seen anything like that," Buffy says finally.
Xander nods. "And I can go a long healthy stretch without seeing anything like that again."
"Eh, I've done worse."
The three of them look at him. He's as unapologetic as usual. Xander digs around in the ancient fridge and pulls out sodas for the girls. Neither of them accepts the offer. He heats up some blood instead.
"He's studying biology," Buffy surmises. "Human, demon-whatever he can get his hands on and tear apart."
"That fits. He wanted human and demon body parts to make more like him. He's obsessed," Spike says taking the blood from the boy.
"Tell me, Spike. Tell me what happened. How did we stop this thing?"
"I wasn't exactly around for the planning part, Buffy."
"Then where were you? You want us to trust you, then start talking!"
"Fine. I don't know what you lot did because at the time I was working with Adam." He can't look up at them, but the silence tells him enough. "Back then, I was living in a crypt in Restfield. Adam came to me. He said that he could get the chip out. At the time, it was all I cared about, so I went along."
He looks up and catches Xander's eyes. He's not quite sure what emotion he sees. Buffy's anger is obvious to anyone.
"You're working with him aren't you? This is some big set up... this, this future crap!"
"No."
"No?"
"Buf-Slayer, I'm not a good guy. I'm not one of you bloody white hats. I never said I was. I made my choices then the way I usually do, but I'm different now. Things... are different now. I want rid of Adam just as badly as you do."
"Why?" Willow whispers.
"He can't get the chip out, Red. Even if he could he wouldn't want to. My life revolved around getting this piece of sodding plastic and metal out of my head. That's why I made the deal, not that it did Adam or me any good. I lived for almost four years with this thing. Hell, I've given up thinking I could ever get it out. I can't be a demon with it, and I can't be a man with the demon still there. I don't know what I am anymore. But I have learned one thing. No matter what this Hellmouth throws out, no matter what big bad thinks he can take over this town, you Scoobies and the Slayer are all that's ever left standing. There's no point in throwing in with the bad guys. Maybe that's why I'm here. I don't know."
Spike jumps to his feet. As usual his mouth has gotten away from him. There's plenty that Buffy doesn't need to know. He pulls on the duster and looks at the others.
"I'll do a quick sweep, though I doubt anything will be out tonight after that. Word spreads fast in the demon world," he says and quickly is out the door.
He comes back late. The girls are gone and Xander is in bed. Quietly, he slips out of his coat and sits down on the barcalounger. The boy's breathing changes in the darkness and Spike knows he's awake.
"Riley showed," Harris says sleepily.
"Hoo-feckin'-rah."
There's a snort from the pillow. "I asked him if he had a chip in his head."
"And did he?" Spike asks with a snicker.
"He just looked at me funny."
He remembers the chip in soldier boy's chest and how Adam controlled him, but doesn't mention it. Payback's a bitch. He listens to Xander drift back asleep, and closes his eyes.
The next evening, they all head over to Giles'. First thing, Buffy blurts out his deal with Adam. Giles seems to think that she means right then and he sits through being threatened a while before Xander can explain that Buffy meant the first time around. The Watcher gets a contemplative look on his face while Willow haltingly fills him in on the cut up demon. Riley shows Xander how the Initiative stun gun works, much to the boy's chagrin. Spike just sits quietly. He is afraid to open his mouth. He can't seem to keep from spilling everything when he talks, so he's decided to not talk at all. They discuss trying to get plans for Adam.
"Well, if there are any files they'll be in the Initiative," Buffy says with a frown.
Giles sets a tea tray on the table. As he's pouring he says, "Which we can't even get into without mounting a major offensive."
"Speak for yourself," Riley replies. At their looks, he adds, "I'm just saying."
"I must admit, a man on the inside would be, uh...." Giles trails off. Funny thing, he's not looking at Riley when he says it, but at Spike.
He quirks an eyebrow at the Watcher while the others discuss Riley being a double agent. He catches the tale end of Sergeant Beefcake's reply.
"... I will share information. It's the least I can do."
"Riley's right. It's the least he can do," Xander adds with a hint of venom. Getting shot has certainly gone a long way toward the boy seeing Spike's point of view.
The phone interrupts their strategy session, and Giles answers. He quickly hands the phone to Buffy. Whoever is on the other end, it's not good news. Buffy looks upset when she finally hangs up.
"What is it?" Giles asks.
"It's Faith. She's awake. She beat someone up, took her clothing, and disappeared out of the hospital. No one knows where she is."
"I'd say this qualifies as the 'worst timing ever' award," Harris quips.
The group discusses what to do about Faith for a while. In the silence when they're done, Riley and Spike ask simultaneously, "Who's Faith?" They stare at each other with contempt but neither of them gets an answer.
Buffy runs off to patrol while the others make going home noises. Spike falls in behind Xander as they head back toward the basement. The boy is unusually quiet which makes him itch.
"So, what's your beef with this Faith?" he asks.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Shame I was off with Dru when she was here. From the way you're all acting, she must be my kind of Slayer."
"She's not anybodies kind of Slayer."
"Ah, old girlfriend?" he says knowingly.
Xander stops dead on the sidewalk and turns to glare at him. Spike smiles back sweetly.
"I don't think I could have ever called Faith my girlfriend. Listen, I'm not going to tell you no matter how much you annoy me, so just drop it, okay?"
Spike holds his hands out in a 'who me?' expression, but Xander just turns on his heel and keeps walking. He makes a mental note to ask Willow later and lay on the 'Will Be Done' guilt to get the answer.
The next night, Spike and Xander show up at Giles' and find the Watcher ready for patrol. They exchange a look and follow the man out into the night. Giles fills them in on Faith's attack on Buffy. Spike frowns.
"Why can't things like this happen at night were I can watch? I mean two Slayers going all out? They could sell that on pay per view, they could."
Giles shoot him a dark look, but Xander grins. It's not long before he and Harris are walking behind the Watcher acting like bratty kids asking 'are we there yet?' and whatnot. Giles has more patience then they thought and does a good job of ignoring them. It takes him a good half an hour before he snaps.
"Xander! If you do not shut up, I will gladly tell Spike all the details of your relationship with Faith. Then, perhaps, he'll have someone else to target this childishness at."
Xander shuts up, which takes a lot of the fun out of patrol seeing as how they aren't finding any nasties to fight. They make their way towards the Bronze because it's always a good hotspot, when Xander breaks away from them at a trot. He and Giles follow only to realize that the boy has spotted Anya walking down the street.
"Anya! An, wait!"
"Go away, Xander. I don't want to talk to you."
"Please, let me explain. I've tried to call you."
The former demon whirls around and crosses her arms. "I know. I've stopped answering my phone because you are the only one who calls me."
"Anya, please. Whatever I said, I didn't mean it. I was drunk and I say stupid things when I'm drunk."
"Yes, I know. It runs in your family."
Xander cringes at this. Giles looks like he would pay money to be anywhere else. Spike just watches with interest.
"I'm an idiot, but you knew that. I'm sorry."
"Xander. Just because you're sorry doesn't mean the things you said weren't true. If you felt that way, you should have said something to me. Now I feel betrayed and I don't like it. I've done a lot of shopping and it's helped a bit, but I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive you yet, or even if I should. Now go away."
As she turns, Giles leans forward and says, "Um, I don't suppose you've seen a Slayer by the name of Faith around? She's about your height, long dark brown hair... she may exhibit some disturbing behavior...."
"She's nuts," Spike explains helpfully.
"Why are you looking for a crazy Slayer?" Anya asks.
Spike shrugs. "Because she wants to kill Buffy, or all of them, I don't know. They won't explain it much."
"She wants to kill you all? Good. If I see her, I'll point her in your direction."
"An!" Xander yelps, but demon girl has already stomped away.
After that, Xander is quiet the rest of the way through patrol. They split up and head for home, unsuccessful. Xander drags his feet most of the way to the basement. No sooner are they inside, but he flops down on the bed face first. Spike knows that feeling so he lets the kid wallow.
"Chicks, mate," he says derisively and flips on the TV.
In completely unrelated news, I want THIS.
Title: If I Knew Then...
Author: Shade
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG to NC17
Disclaimer: All assorted characters belong to Mutant Enemy and Joss which is fine, because I suspect Buffy's high maintenance anyway.
Summary: AU-The African demon in Grave grants Spike's wish in a way he never planned. Flung back in time, he has to relive the previous three years with all the knowledge of what's to come.
A/N: Originally beated with super beta magic by blinding_sight. Certain bits of dialog are taken from the following BtVS episodes:
4:15: This Year's Girl
Chapter 9: "This Year's Girl"
Spike is laid back in the barcalounger watching Xander's back muscles twitch and move under the plain white T-shirt he's wearing. Harris has been futzing with the Initiative zap gun for the last hour and from the various noises coming from the boy, it hasn't been going well. The bed is folded up as a couch for once. Willow and Giles sit on it drinking Kool-aid and discussing her classes. Spike hasn't been this bored in ages.
"How's it coming?" he asks without real interest.
There's a wordless grumble for a response. Buffy takes that moment to come out from the bathroom and looks over her troops. Giles and Willow get a soft smile, Xander gets a worried look, and he gets a wrinkled up nose. Spike is too tired to bother flipping her off. Their Scooby meeting is interrupting his prime sleep time.
"So can you repair it?" the Slayer asks standing on her toes to peek over Xander's shoulder.
"Sure. Just as soon as I get my masters degree in advance starship technology," Harris grumbles and throws down his pliers.
Spike gets up and takes a look at the thing that brought him down. He sniffs it a bit and pokes at the wires. Xander stands beside him and the pair stare at it like a couple of shade tree mechanics. Spike lights a cigarette and puffs thoughtfully.
"What do you think?" Harris asks.
"I've messed around a bit in my time, but I've never been much for wiring and such."
"You want to give it a shot?"
"No thanks, I get enough Initiative zaps as it is," he says tapping his temple.
Buffy looks impatient. "Just tell me, can you two repair it or not?"
"I'm working on it. I'm working on it," Xander grumbles and goes back to twiddling. This time Spike stands over his shoulder and does some backseat tinkering.
Willow, Buffy, and Giles start having a discussion behind them. Extra patrols... are you tired? Blah, blah, blah... Spike tunes them out and watches the boy work.
"No, no, try the blue one."
Xander tries the blue one. A big spark flies out making Spike rear back. Xander jerks his hands away and starts shaking them out. The gun gives off a big puff of smoke and the boy shoots him a murderous look. He merely shrugs.
"Maybe you should have tried the yellow one?"
"You... you... vampire!"
Spike rolls his eyes. "Yeah, what of it? Be glad, that's not even a fraction of what it's like when the chip goes off."
Xander sucks on his fingers and gives him a sympathetic look. The puppy dog eyes are too much for him, so he looks back at the others. As usual, they missed the whole drama.
After a while, Giles heads home and they all gear up for patrol. Buffy moves off on her own. She's got her mind on Finn, so Spike sticks with the other two. He listens to Willow and Xander's idle chatting and it's almost soothing. Their quiet conversation is a nice background murmur and Spike lets it wash over him as he stretches out his senses looking for trouble.
They make their way through a clump of trees when he hears Buffy's heartbeat suddenly speed up. Spike quickens his pace and the three of them find what has the Slayer so upset. A demon is strung up between two trees and is cracked open from stem to stern. It's a lot like that alien autopsy film that Xander watches occasionally because he knows it amuses Spike even though he gets grossed out every time. Someone's lit a fire inside the poor beast to show off his handy work. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whom. After that, they don't bother finishing out patrol.
Back in the basement and Buffy is pacing. She is staring off into nothing. The others are quiet. Spike never thought something like that would bother them. Sometimes it seems as if nothing fazes these kids.
"I've never seen anything like that," Buffy says finally.
Xander nods. "And I can go a long healthy stretch without seeing anything like that again."
"Eh, I've done worse."
The three of them look at him. He's as unapologetic as usual. Xander digs around in the ancient fridge and pulls out sodas for the girls. Neither of them accepts the offer. He heats up some blood instead.
"He's studying biology," Buffy surmises. "Human, demon-whatever he can get his hands on and tear apart."
"That fits. He wanted human and demon body parts to make more like him. He's obsessed," Spike says taking the blood from the boy.
"Tell me, Spike. Tell me what happened. How did we stop this thing?"
"I wasn't exactly around for the planning part, Buffy."
"Then where were you? You want us to trust you, then start talking!"
"Fine. I don't know what you lot did because at the time I was working with Adam." He can't look up at them, but the silence tells him enough. "Back then, I was living in a crypt in Restfield. Adam came to me. He said that he could get the chip out. At the time, it was all I cared about, so I went along."
He looks up and catches Xander's eyes. He's not quite sure what emotion he sees. Buffy's anger is obvious to anyone.
"You're working with him aren't you? This is some big set up... this, this future crap!"
"No."
"No?"
"Buf-Slayer, I'm not a good guy. I'm not one of you bloody white hats. I never said I was. I made my choices then the way I usually do, but I'm different now. Things... are different now. I want rid of Adam just as badly as you do."
"Why?" Willow whispers.
"He can't get the chip out, Red. Even if he could he wouldn't want to. My life revolved around getting this piece of sodding plastic and metal out of my head. That's why I made the deal, not that it did Adam or me any good. I lived for almost four years with this thing. Hell, I've given up thinking I could ever get it out. I can't be a demon with it, and I can't be a man with the demon still there. I don't know what I am anymore. But I have learned one thing. No matter what this Hellmouth throws out, no matter what big bad thinks he can take over this town, you Scoobies and the Slayer are all that's ever left standing. There's no point in throwing in with the bad guys. Maybe that's why I'm here. I don't know."
Spike jumps to his feet. As usual his mouth has gotten away from him. There's plenty that Buffy doesn't need to know. He pulls on the duster and looks at the others.
"I'll do a quick sweep, though I doubt anything will be out tonight after that. Word spreads fast in the demon world," he says and quickly is out the door.
He comes back late. The girls are gone and Xander is in bed. Quietly, he slips out of his coat and sits down on the barcalounger. The boy's breathing changes in the darkness and Spike knows he's awake.
"Riley showed," Harris says sleepily.
"Hoo-feckin'-rah."
There's a snort from the pillow. "I asked him if he had a chip in his head."
"And did he?" Spike asks with a snicker.
"He just looked at me funny."
He remembers the chip in soldier boy's chest and how Adam controlled him, but doesn't mention it. Payback's a bitch. He listens to Xander drift back asleep, and closes his eyes.
The next evening, they all head over to Giles'. First thing, Buffy blurts out his deal with Adam. Giles seems to think that she means right then and he sits through being threatened a while before Xander can explain that Buffy meant the first time around. The Watcher gets a contemplative look on his face while Willow haltingly fills him in on the cut up demon. Riley shows Xander how the Initiative stun gun works, much to the boy's chagrin. Spike just sits quietly. He is afraid to open his mouth. He can't seem to keep from spilling everything when he talks, so he's decided to not talk at all. They discuss trying to get plans for Adam.
"Well, if there are any files they'll be in the Initiative," Buffy says with a frown.
Giles sets a tea tray on the table. As he's pouring he says, "Which we can't even get into without mounting a major offensive."
"Speak for yourself," Riley replies. At their looks, he adds, "I'm just saying."
"I must admit, a man on the inside would be, uh...." Giles trails off. Funny thing, he's not looking at Riley when he says it, but at Spike.
He quirks an eyebrow at the Watcher while the others discuss Riley being a double agent. He catches the tale end of Sergeant Beefcake's reply.
"... I will share information. It's the least I can do."
"Riley's right. It's the least he can do," Xander adds with a hint of venom. Getting shot has certainly gone a long way toward the boy seeing Spike's point of view.
The phone interrupts their strategy session, and Giles answers. He quickly hands the phone to Buffy. Whoever is on the other end, it's not good news. Buffy looks upset when she finally hangs up.
"What is it?" Giles asks.
"It's Faith. She's awake. She beat someone up, took her clothing, and disappeared out of the hospital. No one knows where she is."
"I'd say this qualifies as the 'worst timing ever' award," Harris quips.
The group discusses what to do about Faith for a while. In the silence when they're done, Riley and Spike ask simultaneously, "Who's Faith?" They stare at each other with contempt but neither of them gets an answer.
Buffy runs off to patrol while the others make going home noises. Spike falls in behind Xander as they head back toward the basement. The boy is unusually quiet which makes him itch.
"So, what's your beef with this Faith?" he asks.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Shame I was off with Dru when she was here. From the way you're all acting, she must be my kind of Slayer."
"She's not anybodies kind of Slayer."
"Ah, old girlfriend?" he says knowingly.
Xander stops dead on the sidewalk and turns to glare at him. Spike smiles back sweetly.
"I don't think I could have ever called Faith my girlfriend. Listen, I'm not going to tell you no matter how much you annoy me, so just drop it, okay?"
Spike holds his hands out in a 'who me?' expression, but Xander just turns on his heel and keeps walking. He makes a mental note to ask Willow later and lay on the 'Will Be Done' guilt to get the answer.
The next night, Spike and Xander show up at Giles' and find the Watcher ready for patrol. They exchange a look and follow the man out into the night. Giles fills them in on Faith's attack on Buffy. Spike frowns.
"Why can't things like this happen at night were I can watch? I mean two Slayers going all out? They could sell that on pay per view, they could."
Giles shoot him a dark look, but Xander grins. It's not long before he and Harris are walking behind the Watcher acting like bratty kids asking 'are we there yet?' and whatnot. Giles has more patience then they thought and does a good job of ignoring them. It takes him a good half an hour before he snaps.
"Xander! If you do not shut up, I will gladly tell Spike all the details of your relationship with Faith. Then, perhaps, he'll have someone else to target this childishness at."
Xander shuts up, which takes a lot of the fun out of patrol seeing as how they aren't finding any nasties to fight. They make their way towards the Bronze because it's always a good hotspot, when Xander breaks away from them at a trot. He and Giles follow only to realize that the boy has spotted Anya walking down the street.
"Anya! An, wait!"
"Go away, Xander. I don't want to talk to you."
"Please, let me explain. I've tried to call you."
The former demon whirls around and crosses her arms. "I know. I've stopped answering my phone because you are the only one who calls me."
"Anya, please. Whatever I said, I didn't mean it. I was drunk and I say stupid things when I'm drunk."
"Yes, I know. It runs in your family."
Xander cringes at this. Giles looks like he would pay money to be anywhere else. Spike just watches with interest.
"I'm an idiot, but you knew that. I'm sorry."
"Xander. Just because you're sorry doesn't mean the things you said weren't true. If you felt that way, you should have said something to me. Now I feel betrayed and I don't like it. I've done a lot of shopping and it's helped a bit, but I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive you yet, or even if I should. Now go away."
As she turns, Giles leans forward and says, "Um, I don't suppose you've seen a Slayer by the name of Faith around? She's about your height, long dark brown hair... she may exhibit some disturbing behavior...."
"She's nuts," Spike explains helpfully.
"Why are you looking for a crazy Slayer?" Anya asks.
Spike shrugs. "Because she wants to kill Buffy, or all of them, I don't know. They won't explain it much."
"She wants to kill you all? Good. If I see her, I'll point her in your direction."
"An!" Xander yelps, but demon girl has already stomped away.
After that, Xander is quiet the rest of the way through patrol. They split up and head for home, unsuccessful. Xander drags his feet most of the way to the basement. No sooner are they inside, but he flops down on the bed face first. Spike knows that feeling so he lets the kid wallow.
"Chicks, mate," he says derisively and flips on the TV.