Comments | datinandrelatin: compromising on "me time?"

xo_bumblebee in datinandrelatin

compromising on "me time?"

Jul 23, 2013 13:00

Last night me and my husband had a serious talk. He said that his biggest grievance is that sometimes he just needs space, and "me time" to do stuff with his buddies without me. I know that this is perfectly healthy, and I don't have a problem with this in itself.

( Here is where I do have a problem: )

time management, marriage, friends

Comments 5

scien July 24 2013, 12:15:06 UTC

It seems to me that what you have is a scheduling problem. He's both significantly busier than you and tends to plan things closer to the time. This disparity is something you're going to need to work around somehow ( ... )

lerabollera July 24 2013, 12:33:46 UTC

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place :(

I understand his need for personal time but you also need some couple time. It's difficult. Maybe you should buy a calendar and use it to plan personal and couple time. I know that it would be a pain in the backside but I can't think of an alternative.

gindaisy July 24 2013, 12:45:54 UTC

Perhaps a compromise could be to allow for accepting a certain number of spontaneous plans. For example, no last minute plans two weeks in a row. Or not more than once or twice a month. And possibly figure out a way to have sitting home alone not be a bad thing. Is there an activity you can reserve for those times? Maybe some kind of craft or hobby. Or find a show to binge watch only on those nights.

box_of_rocks July 24 2013, 13:08:24 UTC

I've got a lot in common with your husband in this scenario. I work a ton and have a lot of need for "me time" without my husband. My husband is out of work right now, and has tons of "me time" while I'm gone. For me, I respond best to schedules - blocking out a set of hours throughout the week that are "us time" and scheduling it just like I would a hang-out with friends. It may help to actually set reservations, buy tickets to an outing, or something like that to make sure that block of time remains sacred ( ... )

_whatnext July 25 2013, 11:49:59 UTC

"It's not that he doesn't want to spend time with me, he just doesn't want to spend *all* his time with me, every single weekend."

You want him to spend ALL his time with you every weekend? Is this what you're expecting, or did I read that part wrong?

If so, that's a really unfair expectation and you're setting yourself up for a whole lot of disappointment and hurt feelings. The suggestions of scheduling time together are really positive, but if what I'm reading is correct, that still wouldn't be enough. :/