will decide later on friends only or public
i sit here, sober, with the effects of three days of partying running through my poisoned body. three days of blurred everything. three days of fucked up fights and arguments and even more fucked up silences. i'm exhausted and lost and out of control.
but i'm young and i'm free and i can do what i want. is it not hypocritical to ask me to stop or slow down? for most of you it is. i'm taking this opportunity- this last, shortest summer before 'real' life begins and living it to the fullest. what's wrong with that? my parents- for the first time- have left me alone for a lengthy period of time without supervision. i would be such a douche to not take full advantage of that.
i will not say i'm sorry to you because i'm not sorry. just like you weren't sorry [um, what, one week ago?]. the double standards here are completely ridiculous. you're angry? you're hurt? how do you think it feels. what, thought you could keep me by your side and completely disregard my feelings or attempts to make things right and expect me to never try to move on? i don't even understand why you're so mad [although it's no surprise that you are], it's not like you acted like anything i did phased you anyway.
i have always, always tried to look out for you. for how you felt. in every situation i put your emotions ahead of my own. and now i look back and just think, why the hell did i do that? because not once- not one, single time- have you done the same for me. but i still worry and still care, way too much. i haven't moved on but at least i can admit that. when it comes down to it, you broke up with me...why are you acting like you're some sort of victim? if i know you at all, it'll be weeks [maybe, months] before you look me in the eye again or be the first to speak to me or treat me like anything that is worth anything to you. and that sucks, but i don't deserve that. yeah, you'll get to me, but i won't give in.
<3
but i'm young and i'm free and i can do what i want. is it not hypocritical to ask me to stop or slow down? for most of you it is. i'm taking this opportunity- this last, shortest summer before 'real' life begins and living it to the fullest. what's wrong with that? my parents- for the first time- have left me alone for a lengthy period of time without supervision. i would be such a douche to not take full advantage of that.
i will not say i'm sorry to you because i'm not sorry. just like you weren't sorry [um, what, one week ago?]. the double standards here are completely ridiculous. you're angry? you're hurt? how do you think it feels. what, thought you could keep me by your side and completely disregard my feelings or attempts to make things right and expect me to never try to move on? i don't even understand why you're so mad [although it's no surprise that you are], it's not like you acted like anything i did phased you anyway.
i have always, always tried to look out for you. for how you felt. in every situation i put your emotions ahead of my own. and now i look back and just think, why the hell did i do that? because not once- not one, single time- have you done the same for me. but i still worry and still care, way too much. i haven't moved on but at least i can admit that. when it comes down to it, you broke up with me...why are you acting like you're some sort of victim? if i know you at all, it'll be weeks [maybe, months] before you look me in the eye again or be the first to speak to me or treat me like anything that is worth anything to you. and that sucks, but i don't deserve that. yeah, you'll get to me, but i won't give in.
<3