turning point
I passed the exit for Kutztown on my way home yesterday amidst the rush of holiday traffic. It's amazing how quickly Kutztown becomes just another exit, once again. 6 years ago, I would pass KU on the 222 bypass without so much as a thought about what it meant. Basically the town had as much meaning as any other college town. I'm finding that once more. It's just a town to me. It's hard to believe this town was my whole world for 5 years and now is nothing more than a blip on my resume. I guess thats change for ya. I will always hate change. maybe its because I'm old-fashioned, or perhaps its because change is beyond my control. Even if it's for the better, I'm still wary of it. This time in my life is constant change. And yes, it's driving me crazy. But, in a way, this may be the most fun time in my life. It's a sporadic jumble of different opportunities and experiences. I'm doing what most mainstreamers will never get a chance to do. And, despite all of the shortcomings as a result of this lifestyle, I'm starting to enjoy it, nonetheless. Most people are bred to follow a generic plan of life: born, childhood, highschool, college, marriage, job, family, retire, die. So, that means that most of the people my age are either starting their new job, getting married, or starting a family. Right now, Im none of the above. I'm not mainstream, and of course my love for a lack of change means that this notion should terrify me. And it does. But, rollercoasters terrify me, and I love rollercoasters. My life is kind of like a mini adventure right now, and I have no idea where it's going.
1. No steady income: I really want a job, but I know from the past that a full-time job is high-responsibility, low fun, usually. Although I am also aware that sooner or later I'll have to find a way to make more than the make-ends-meet kind of work I'm doing now. And, if I hear the phrase "how's the job search going?" or "did you find a job yet" one more time, I may snap and kill something. Particularily, this time of year yields hardly any work. Even more fun as a result in that area.
2. Working in the bizarre and fine arts dept(s): So the work that actually creates income is incredibly strange. Still doing menshealth minutes which are done once a week for $100 regardless of how many hours I work, sometimes its 3 hours, sometimes its 11. But all I know is, every week I'm going somewhere with a camera to film funny and bizarre things that will be posted on a website that generates 120,000 views an hour, and there's something special about that. I've even appeared in a few of the episodes (I'm the ghost in the Halloween edition). I also have my mural project, I've been painting a mural 12 feet long by 8 feet high for the past 3 months or so. It's at the south jersey shore so I must make a 200 mile drive to get there, paint for 3 days and go back. It's weird, but also cathartic. it's a commission that gets me down to the jersey shore once every 2 weeks for free room and board. I haven't been paid for this project yet, becuase I won't accept any money until it is completed. I'm weird like that I guess.
3. Learning after college: Didn't I pay 45 grand to get a job I would enjoy? then why do I have to take classes after school to learn what they should have taught me while I was in school? No, I don't know why either, but that's apparently how the world works. I'm taking HTML and CSS classes to further understand what I was never taught. That's because every job in my field demands an understanding of HTML which I lack. Although I understand actionscript quite well. In other words, it's sort of like I learned how to fly a plane before I learned how to walk. I understand the stuff that few people know in the world, but I don't know the most basic common internet language that everyone else knows. I guess this is a shame, because although I thoroughly enjoy flash in every way, html bores me to death. I'm not sure how long I can keep this up, before I become an art teacher for the sheer simplicity of it all.
4.Dating a Mad Scientist: yeah, so for the first time in over a year, I started seeing someone again. I guess it was just time. I'm sick of being alone, and it's nice to do things with someone else. Not to mention, she makes me virtually erase my ex from memory. Once again, biggest problem with breakups is the change. The biggest problem with dating for me is that I had forgotten how to do it. I think I'm doing alright, although it may be too soon to tell. After all, it's the males who have to show the brightness of their feathers. But, on the plus side, she's got a great sense of humor, is into at least a matching level of dorky things as me, loves being outside, nature, oh yeah and is infact a mad scientist...which, yeah that's hot.
4.a. understanding women part deux: Ok, so apparently one of my unpaid underappreciated professions in life is I'm like a psychiatrist for all the straight women in the world. hehe, yep, beats me how I got this, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I listen and I'm straight and that combination usually ceases to exist in the male world. As a result, I know more about how women work than the average guy, yet even knowing this, I'm still just as baffled and lost. Here's my biggest conundrum ever: This makes NO sense to guys and ALL sense to girls: Most girls in their 20s want relationships that DON'T work. you heard me. They want a relationship that they feel will not be lifelong, because they aren't ready for marriage, so they want one that will likely end within a few months, however, they will be just as sad when it ends AND just as hurt that it wont be long term. So, in essence most women will intentionally try to find mr wrong, until they hit their 30s when they're ready for a family, then they want mr. right. Fucked up, eh? I don't know why, but It makes sense that slightly older women are attracted to my friends, because those are the ones who have decided to start looking for us, after a decade of bad decisions. So ladies, you're proof that God or whoever has a sense of humor.
so yah, thats my entry for now. Christmas in 10 days. I think I want to go to Blossburg again soon...
1. No steady income: I really want a job, but I know from the past that a full-time job is high-responsibility, low fun, usually. Although I am also aware that sooner or later I'll have to find a way to make more than the make-ends-meet kind of work I'm doing now. And, if I hear the phrase "how's the job search going?" or "did you find a job yet" one more time, I may snap and kill something. Particularily, this time of year yields hardly any work. Even more fun as a result in that area.
2. Working in the bizarre and fine arts dept(s): So the work that actually creates income is incredibly strange. Still doing menshealth minutes which are done once a week for $100 regardless of how many hours I work, sometimes its 3 hours, sometimes its 11. But all I know is, every week I'm going somewhere with a camera to film funny and bizarre things that will be posted on a website that generates 120,000 views an hour, and there's something special about that. I've even appeared in a few of the episodes (I'm the ghost in the Halloween edition). I also have my mural project, I've been painting a mural 12 feet long by 8 feet high for the past 3 months or so. It's at the south jersey shore so I must make a 200 mile drive to get there, paint for 3 days and go back. It's weird, but also cathartic. it's a commission that gets me down to the jersey shore once every 2 weeks for free room and board. I haven't been paid for this project yet, becuase I won't accept any money until it is completed. I'm weird like that I guess.
3. Learning after college: Didn't I pay 45 grand to get a job I would enjoy? then why do I have to take classes after school to learn what they should have taught me while I was in school? No, I don't know why either, but that's apparently how the world works. I'm taking HTML and CSS classes to further understand what I was never taught. That's because every job in my field demands an understanding of HTML which I lack. Although I understand actionscript quite well. In other words, it's sort of like I learned how to fly a plane before I learned how to walk. I understand the stuff that few people know in the world, but I don't know the most basic common internet language that everyone else knows. I guess this is a shame, because although I thoroughly enjoy flash in every way, html bores me to death. I'm not sure how long I can keep this up, before I become an art teacher for the sheer simplicity of it all.
4.Dating a Mad Scientist: yeah, so for the first time in over a year, I started seeing someone again. I guess it was just time. I'm sick of being alone, and it's nice to do things with someone else. Not to mention, she makes me virtually erase my ex from memory. Once again, biggest problem with breakups is the change. The biggest problem with dating for me is that I had forgotten how to do it. I think I'm doing alright, although it may be too soon to tell. After all, it's the males who have to show the brightness of their feathers. But, on the plus side, she's got a great sense of humor, is into at least a matching level of dorky things as me, loves being outside, nature, oh yeah and is infact a mad scientist...which, yeah that's hot.
4.a. understanding women part deux: Ok, so apparently one of my unpaid underappreciated professions in life is I'm like a psychiatrist for all the straight women in the world. hehe, yep, beats me how I got this, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I listen and I'm straight and that combination usually ceases to exist in the male world. As a result, I know more about how women work than the average guy, yet even knowing this, I'm still just as baffled and lost. Here's my biggest conundrum ever: This makes NO sense to guys and ALL sense to girls: Most girls in their 20s want relationships that DON'T work. you heard me. They want a relationship that they feel will not be lifelong, because they aren't ready for marriage, so they want one that will likely end within a few months, however, they will be just as sad when it ends AND just as hurt that it wont be long term. So, in essence most women will intentionally try to find mr wrong, until they hit their 30s when they're ready for a family, then they want mr. right. Fucked up, eh? I don't know why, but It makes sense that slightly older women are attracted to my friends, because those are the ones who have decided to start looking for us, after a decade of bad decisions. So ladies, you're proof that God or whoever has a sense of humor.
so yah, thats my entry for now. Christmas in 10 days. I think I want to go to Blossburg again soon...