Bastards: What we are and how we work.
I was always told that being a complete asshole to girls would always come back to haunt me, and the other night, it sort of did.
So the other night around 11, I was out running some errands and dropping mail off at the post office when I realized that I was hungrier than an Ethiopian and thought I would stop at McDonald's and get something to eat. I pull up in the drive-thru and a middle-aged Hispanic man, I think named Tino, took my order at the intercom. Being hungry, I order a combo number 2 (two smaller burgers and an order of fries), am told my total and pull up to the next window.
I'm not really paying attention at this point because through the drive from by Milligan Park all the way through ordering my food and pulling up the second window, I hadn't been paying attention to anything because I was playing Tetris on my cell phone. Allow me to reemphasize, I was operating a motor vehicle and paying more attention to a mobile phone game than the road... endangering both people and property... for no reason other than boredom.
Well, I pull up to the window and wait for a second, long enough to get another few lines on Tetris, when I hear the drive-thru window to my left open and an eerily familiar, non-Mexican male voice read me my total. I quickly look up to see a girl that I 'dated' and treated like complete shit in Evansville assisting me with my order. I hadn't seen this girl since Evansville and I just assumed she was still there, needless to say, I don't think I would've been any more suprised had Barry Manilow himself given me my order.
I say that I treated this girl like shit because I really did... we hung out a couple of times while drunk and then things just got awkward, I started avoiding her and even jumped out of a second floor window from the O'Bannon Hall Dorms onto sharp gravel while completely hammered just because I didn't want to deal with the situation at the time.
Needless to say, at the drive-thru the other night, I felt pretty guilty and like I should be civil, say something nice or ask how she's doing... however, after getting what looked like a death-stare-from-Hell, I just figured saying something would make things more awkward, so I kept my mouth shut and focused on my game. She handed me the bag of food, I quickly sped off and everything seemed normal.
I spent the first half of the drive home feeling guilty just because my current girlfriend has morphed me into a total pussy... but then I realized that bitch in the drive-thru stiffed me on my fries.
Because of her, I will beat every woman I see.
------------------------------------------------------------
So my new job at US Cellular is kicking some pretty mad ass now that my training is almost done and I'm actually getting to do some real work... which aside from not only stealing potential and even current clients from my old job at RadioShack and making more than they paid me to do it, is just fun because RadioShack's stock continues to fall and instead of being directly effected by it, I just get to read about it from my very own desk. Yes, I have a desk.
In other words, I make way more money for doing the same job at a progressive company than making less doing the same for a company that will be out of business within the next decade.
So what better way to gloat than to fill out a job application for RadioShack that the prick that fired me for nothing will see and realize that I'm better off because I'll still have a job when RS goes down?
I went to the company website the other day and pulled up the online application and filled it out as honestly as possible. I said I was looking for a part-time job in C'ville, that I was a former employee and that my reason for leaving the company was 'Noe (Catfish Beaner) Reyes had sand in his vagina which conflicted both his menstrual cycle and his job sense.' Word for word.
Earlier today, I got this e-mail...
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Date: Wed, 26 Apr 2006 13:25:53 CST
From: recruiter@radioshack.com
To: KyleBrownRocksYourFaceOff@gmail.com
Subject: Thank You for Applying at RadioShack
Dear Kyle Brown,
Thank you for inquiring about career opportunities with RadioShack. At this time, we believe we have other candidates who more closely match the position's requirements. However, we appreciate your interest in our company and wish you well in your job search. We hope you will continue to choose RadioShack for all your consumer electronic needs.
Sincerely,
RadioShack
-------------
Remembering from my days working for them that even though the system and replies are all automated, the actual district managers, including the fuck that fired me, see the e-mails, I thought I would reply.
-------------
Date: Wed, 26 Apr 2006 15:42:09 CST
From: KyleBrownRocksYourFaceOff@gmail.com
To: recruiter@radioshack.com
Subject: RE:Thank You for Applying at RadioShack
Douche nozzle.
-------------
I then went to the fridge in the break room, took a Frosty that wasn't mine and went to my office and ate it. I love me.
So the other night around 11, I was out running some errands and dropping mail off at the post office when I realized that I was hungrier than an Ethiopian and thought I would stop at McDonald's and get something to eat. I pull up in the drive-thru and a middle-aged Hispanic man, I think named Tino, took my order at the intercom. Being hungry, I order a combo number 2 (two smaller burgers and an order of fries), am told my total and pull up to the next window.
I'm not really paying attention at this point because through the drive from by Milligan Park all the way through ordering my food and pulling up the second window, I hadn't been paying attention to anything because I was playing Tetris on my cell phone. Allow me to reemphasize, I was operating a motor vehicle and paying more attention to a mobile phone game than the road... endangering both people and property... for no reason other than boredom.
Well, I pull up to the window and wait for a second, long enough to get another few lines on Tetris, when I hear the drive-thru window to my left open and an eerily familiar, non-Mexican male voice read me my total. I quickly look up to see a girl that I 'dated' and treated like complete shit in Evansville assisting me with my order. I hadn't seen this girl since Evansville and I just assumed she was still there, needless to say, I don't think I would've been any more suprised had Barry Manilow himself given me my order.
I say that I treated this girl like shit because I really did... we hung out a couple of times while drunk and then things just got awkward, I started avoiding her and even jumped out of a second floor window from the O'Bannon Hall Dorms onto sharp gravel while completely hammered just because I didn't want to deal with the situation at the time.
Needless to say, at the drive-thru the other night, I felt pretty guilty and like I should be civil, say something nice or ask how she's doing... however, after getting what looked like a death-stare-from-Hell, I just figured saying something would make things more awkward, so I kept my mouth shut and focused on my game. She handed me the bag of food, I quickly sped off and everything seemed normal.
I spent the first half of the drive home feeling guilty just because my current girlfriend has morphed me into a total pussy... but then I realized that bitch in the drive-thru stiffed me on my fries.
Because of her, I will beat every woman I see.
------------------------------------------------------------
So my new job at US Cellular is kicking some pretty mad ass now that my training is almost done and I'm actually getting to do some real work... which aside from not only stealing potential and even current clients from my old job at RadioShack and making more than they paid me to do it, is just fun because RadioShack's stock continues to fall and instead of being directly effected by it, I just get to read about it from my very own desk. Yes, I have a desk.
In other words, I make way more money for doing the same job at a progressive company than making less doing the same for a company that will be out of business within the next decade.
So what better way to gloat than to fill out a job application for RadioShack that the prick that fired me for nothing will see and realize that I'm better off because I'll still have a job when RS goes down?
I went to the company website the other day and pulled up the online application and filled it out as honestly as possible. I said I was looking for a part-time job in C'ville, that I was a former employee and that my reason for leaving the company was 'Noe (Catfish Beaner) Reyes had sand in his vagina which conflicted both his menstrual cycle and his job sense.' Word for word.
Earlier today, I got this e-mail...
-------------
Date: Wed, 26 Apr 2006 13:25:53 CST
From: recruiter@radioshack.com
To: KyleBrownRocksYourFaceOff@gmail.com
Subject: Thank You for Applying at RadioShack
Dear Kyle Brown,
Thank you for inquiring about career opportunities with RadioShack. At this time, we believe we have other candidates who more closely match the position's requirements. However, we appreciate your interest in our company and wish you well in your job search. We hope you will continue to choose RadioShack for all your consumer electronic needs.
Sincerely,
RadioShack
-------------
Remembering from my days working for them that even though the system and replies are all automated, the actual district managers, including the fuck that fired me, see the e-mails, I thought I would reply.
-------------
Date: Wed, 26 Apr 2006 15:42:09 CST
From: KyleBrownRocksYourFaceOff@gmail.com
To: recruiter@radioshack.com
Subject: RE:Thank You for Applying at RadioShack
Douche nozzle.
-------------
I then went to the fridge in the break room, took a Frosty that wasn't mine and went to my office and ate it. I love me.