Damn
"We practiced long embraces
Kissed such familiar faces.
But no one ever closed their eyes.
We learned to live with a little pain my dear.
We loved the tension in the atmosphere.
It was a way of life, though not the best I'm sure.
It was our way of life."
Work has been, well, its work. And its been crazy. Some of the changes are very good, others I'm still undecided on. Calgary is looking good, but who knows. Changes here may cause me to stay. Some of the changes here are what made me want to leave in the first place.
Where to start? Lets see, Saturday, spent the evening out with a friend I haven't seen in over seven years. Started playing catch up, made me think about everything thats happened in my life over the years. And what a whirlwind story it was. I had almost forgotten how much had gone on, and even hearing myself telling the story, I sort of listened to my voice in a detached way and thought, "Wow, thats quite a story." Brought up some more thoughts about my life and the people no longer in it that I miss. Its great when the people who wander away come back into your life, but it really sucks while they're gone. In my case, specifically, three people. Each is gone in a different way. But in one sense of the word or another, they're all gone, and none of them are coming back. And I take responsibility for all three, but it doesn't change anything. I'm still here, they're not, and thats that.
Had a long conversation today about relationships, and about people. When you stop to look at things, its amazing how our relations with others actually tell us more about ourselves than about the other person. Especially when you don't communicate. Its surprising at times that you can spend so much time with someone and still know so little about them. But I suppose with the small number of people I truly know, and the even smaller number who truly know me, it should be no real shock. I once had someone tell me she felt she knew me as well as I let anyone know me. And in some ways she was right. I loved her and trusted her and even still I only showed her such a small part of myself. And the why doesn't matter. As we discussed today, intentions mean less than actions. Why I did what I did matters less than the fact that I did. I wonder if anyone has the right to complain about feeling alone when they consciously choose to never let anyone in?
Got the call this evening. Its a girl. Apparently, quite cute too. And the preliminary tests were right. There's no way to tell to what extent or severity. Time, I suppose. We just wait. And again, I simply offer to be the moral support, and keep my own concerns and feelings to myself, and do whatever I can.
This is all too much at one time. I'm just going to go away now. Going through shit that makes you want to turn to the people you love for support while at the same time being reminded at every turn that those same people either aren't there anymore or have simply decided they don't want to hear from you isn't something I want to do anymore. I'd rather just go.
Cheers
Kissed such familiar faces.
But no one ever closed their eyes.
We learned to live with a little pain my dear.
We loved the tension in the atmosphere.
It was a way of life, though not the best I'm sure.
It was our way of life."
Work has been, well, its work. And its been crazy. Some of the changes are very good, others I'm still undecided on. Calgary is looking good, but who knows. Changes here may cause me to stay. Some of the changes here are what made me want to leave in the first place.
Where to start? Lets see, Saturday, spent the evening out with a friend I haven't seen in over seven years. Started playing catch up, made me think about everything thats happened in my life over the years. And what a whirlwind story it was. I had almost forgotten how much had gone on, and even hearing myself telling the story, I sort of listened to my voice in a detached way and thought, "Wow, thats quite a story." Brought up some more thoughts about my life and the people no longer in it that I miss. Its great when the people who wander away come back into your life, but it really sucks while they're gone. In my case, specifically, three people. Each is gone in a different way. But in one sense of the word or another, they're all gone, and none of them are coming back. And I take responsibility for all three, but it doesn't change anything. I'm still here, they're not, and thats that.
Had a long conversation today about relationships, and about people. When you stop to look at things, its amazing how our relations with others actually tell us more about ourselves than about the other person. Especially when you don't communicate. Its surprising at times that you can spend so much time with someone and still know so little about them. But I suppose with the small number of people I truly know, and the even smaller number who truly know me, it should be no real shock. I once had someone tell me she felt she knew me as well as I let anyone know me. And in some ways she was right. I loved her and trusted her and even still I only showed her such a small part of myself. And the why doesn't matter. As we discussed today, intentions mean less than actions. Why I did what I did matters less than the fact that I did. I wonder if anyone has the right to complain about feeling alone when they consciously choose to never let anyone in?
Got the call this evening. Its a girl. Apparently, quite cute too. And the preliminary tests were right. There's no way to tell to what extent or severity. Time, I suppose. We just wait. And again, I simply offer to be the moral support, and keep my own concerns and feelings to myself, and do whatever I can.
This is all too much at one time. I'm just going to go away now. Going through shit that makes you want to turn to the people you love for support while at the same time being reminded at every turn that those same people either aren't there anymore or have simply decided they don't want to hear from you isn't something I want to do anymore. I'd rather just go.
Cheers