hey mamma
So I told myself (again) that I wasn't going to call Orin for a week so I can ya know - leave him alone? Cause now I feel like psycho-ex big time. But it sucks to try to do that because at least 20 times every day I have to make a decision and I think "what would orin tell me to do about this?" cause he always knew the right thing to do no matter what the situation was. And for the most part I've been pretty good about surviving on my own, esp. since I have such an amazing group of friends here. But I still manage to call him like twice a day. Like 2 days ago there was a post on craigslist about a 6 week old pure great dane puppy that needed a home in asheville. And I totally wanted it and I tried to think about what Orin would tell me to do but I just wanted to talk to him about it so I had to call him. And I always think about it later and realize I probably didn't have to call but I always do. And yesterday I sat in my rental car for about a 1/2 hour at the gas station trying to find the button to open my gas thing so I could fill my tank. I looked around the entire car inch by inch and read through like the entire owners manual and still had no idea and I had to call him cause i knew he would know where it was. Unfortunately he did not pick up so after a 1/2 hour in the car I got out of it and looked at the gas thing and you just pulled it open, no button inside. And I didn't even know that existed in cars. Orin would have known that. But I guess I learned it on my own right? And then last night was fuckin terrible I just needed someone to talk to who would be up at 2am. But Ijust need to realize that he's not that person anymore, its hard to have to tell myself "dude, he doesn't have to be there for you now" Samantha and Billy and I went to a show, which was amazingly awesome. I am not good about lying about my age though, the guy who was hading out wristbands for the bar was like "how old are you?" and i was like "22" and he put huge black X's on both my hands lol. I don't know why they do that though cause you can't see peoples hands inside, it's too dark and everyone ends up getting served anyway. It was a pretty good kind of psychedelic but upbeat trance band and there is just something about a room FULL of white people dancing that makes me really happy. REALLY happy and I danced the whole night and I was like - yay! yay! fun! fun! until Billy got too trashed and guess who had to play baby sitter. And if you know me you should know there's nothing I hate more than playing baby sitter for a drunk person. So I just needed someone to talk to while I was being yelled and slurred at, at 2 in the morning. Awful. I finally ordered a couch, and a fire pit, and now all I need is patio furniture. I think I'm going to get one set and keep it in the front and when people come over for fires, just move it to the back. Is that ghetto? No, I'm not rich. I'm very poor actually until monday because I got a paycheck but I can't cash it until then - no bank is open on the weekends here. Boo. But, good for me I guess. OK I'm going out to breakfast at Laughing Seed to see Samantha and apologize. I also want to go back to the Waffle House we were at last night and apologize to the waitress for #1. billy being obnoxious and probably driving customers away and #2. billy tipping her 2$ on a 20$ meal when he harassed her the whole time. I'm seriously going back and giving her 5$ more. Luckily Billy will be asleep for all of this since it seems that he doesnt wake up before 3pm. ever.