(no subject)
i like to feel it pulsing through my veins.
let's see..i'm going to say i have approximately....26 days left.
i'm not scared like i was last time.
my heart isn't breaking into a thousand tiny pieces like last time.
i'm not going to be friendless from day one, how it was last time.
there's a certain excitement about living there..unlike last time.
i have a habit of comparing everything to before, which i probably shouldn't do, but everyone does because what else do you have a point of reference from?? ugh.
home is too much for me. the thing is, all my great loves have happened here..love in every sense of the word. and i am so enraptured by it, because it is too much a part of me; it sustains me; it keeps me from feeling like my soul has died. and i've been dangerously close to that point too much in the past year. going back, i have a second chance to do things to influence the rest of my life that i can't make happen here. it's a pretty damn big deal, considering i AM an ambitious person when it comes to things like this. i grew this year. so, it's time to apply this to life.
but..this is like ripping off a bandage. i'm making myself vulnerable to new things again...i'm going out a limb here, i need to know that i'm not walking alone...ambivalence is not going to keep me alive.
and i have to feel alive.
(the bold is, in fact, directed) if you think it might be you, it is. :)
so really...i like to feel everything pulsing through my veins.
let's see..i'm going to say i have approximately....26 days left.
i'm not scared like i was last time.
my heart isn't breaking into a thousand tiny pieces like last time.
i'm not going to be friendless from day one, how it was last time.
there's a certain excitement about living there..unlike last time.
i have a habit of comparing everything to before, which i probably shouldn't do, but everyone does because what else do you have a point of reference from?? ugh.
home is too much for me. the thing is, all my great loves have happened here..love in every sense of the word. and i am so enraptured by it, because it is too much a part of me; it sustains me; it keeps me from feeling like my soul has died. and i've been dangerously close to that point too much in the past year. going back, i have a second chance to do things to influence the rest of my life that i can't make happen here. it's a pretty damn big deal, considering i AM an ambitious person when it comes to things like this. i grew this year. so, it's time to apply this to life.
but..this is like ripping off a bandage. i'm making myself vulnerable to new things again...i'm going out a limb here, i need to know that i'm not walking alone...ambivalence is not going to keep me alive.
and i have to feel alive.
(the bold is, in fact, directed) if you think it might be you, it is. :)
so really...i like to feel everything pulsing through my veins.