metamorphisis
Who am I trying to kid?
Side A:
I am a depraved, sick, perverted fuck.
I keep it to myself, but why shouldn't I just be what I am?
In the past few days, I've learned to stop apologizing for myself, for a lot of my ways, in a few different areas of my being.
Side B:
Mine is a private world; the world sees what I want them to see.
I'm never going to change, I'm never going to relate, and I'm never going to beat myself up for it ever again. I'm learning to accept who I am, no matter how badly flawed, no matter how politically incorrect, no matter how selfish, no matter how immoral, no matter how misanthropic I am.
Revelations have been taking place here.
I'm not a bad person. I don't willingly cause harm to anyone, and therefore I am not... a bad person.
Any immorality, any depravity that is within me, that is prevalent in my head... it's all locked up safe in my private world, and no one else will ever have to worry about it, so therefore... it is not wrong.
Slowly I've been coming to the realization that I have a lot of sociopathic tendencies. Instead of feeling ashamed of them, or like there is something inherently wrong with me, I am deciding that's not the way to deal with learning these things about myself. Acceptance, and self-love, are better ways to deal. Who cares? I don't need to be a ray of fucking sunshine. I don't need to like anyone if I don't want to (and believe me, I don't). I don't need to impress anyone. I don't need to live for anyone but myself.
I like myself better than I like 95% of the world's population (with self-like comes self-hate, like yin and yang, but self-hate is extremely educational and productive, if you're the type to analyze, like me), and I'm starting to think that there is really nothing wrong with that. It's ideal anyways, because I'm the one person I can't detach myself from without a second thought, so I had better learn to like everything about myself, even if I am a bit of a sociopath.
And I don't know why I keep trying to push aside my sexuality. It's always been raging, it's always accompanied everything I've ever done, it has fueled my art and my heart and my decadence, so why am I trying to brush it off?
All these things are raging in my head right now, but I don't feel anymore crazy than usual.
It's like self-acceptance, a new chapter, revelations, mass creative inspiration, reaching a new level of social intelligence, getting a one-up on the world, and crawling up on top of the messy debris I tend to drag around in my psyche and just setting it the fuck on fire.
Side A:
I am a depraved, sick, perverted fuck.
I keep it to myself, but why shouldn't I just be what I am?
In the past few days, I've learned to stop apologizing for myself, for a lot of my ways, in a few different areas of my being.
Side B:
Mine is a private world; the world sees what I want them to see.
I'm never going to change, I'm never going to relate, and I'm never going to beat myself up for it ever again. I'm learning to accept who I am, no matter how badly flawed, no matter how politically incorrect, no matter how selfish, no matter how immoral, no matter how misanthropic I am.
Revelations have been taking place here.
I'm not a bad person. I don't willingly cause harm to anyone, and therefore I am not... a bad person.
Any immorality, any depravity that is within me, that is prevalent in my head... it's all locked up safe in my private world, and no one else will ever have to worry about it, so therefore... it is not wrong.
Slowly I've been coming to the realization that I have a lot of sociopathic tendencies. Instead of feeling ashamed of them, or like there is something inherently wrong with me, I am deciding that's not the way to deal with learning these things about myself. Acceptance, and self-love, are better ways to deal. Who cares? I don't need to be a ray of fucking sunshine. I don't need to like anyone if I don't want to (and believe me, I don't). I don't need to impress anyone. I don't need to live for anyone but myself.
I like myself better than I like 95% of the world's population (with self-like comes self-hate, like yin and yang, but self-hate is extremely educational and productive, if you're the type to analyze, like me), and I'm starting to think that there is really nothing wrong with that. It's ideal anyways, because I'm the one person I can't detach myself from without a second thought, so I had better learn to like everything about myself, even if I am a bit of a sociopath.
And I don't know why I keep trying to push aside my sexuality. It's always been raging, it's always accompanied everything I've ever done, it has fueled my art and my heart and my decadence, so why am I trying to brush it off?
All these things are raging in my head right now, but I don't feel anymore crazy than usual.
It's like self-acceptance, a new chapter, revelations, mass creative inspiration, reaching a new level of social intelligence, getting a one-up on the world, and crawling up on top of the messy debris I tend to drag around in my psyche and just setting it the fuck on fire.