Crazies.
I've learned that once you fleece out the crazies, life is pretty lonely. What the fuck, I just want people in my life who are nice, sane, and take responsibility for the ways in which they hurt other people. This isn't asking an awful lot. I made a comprehensive list of red flags so I can avoid crazy/abusive people in the future. Now, let me work on a list of what SANE friends do so I can look for them.
1. Expresses emotions freely, but without expecting others to take responsibility for them. Does not use emotions as a weapon or dramatic display.
2. Does not use "rationality" to "dismiss" something someone is feeling or thinking. Does not tell someone what they do or do not have a right to feel.
3. Does not feel the need to compete with others to be worth something. Does not get jealous often, or at all.
4. Is not out to impress the world. Is relaxed and natural during first encounters. Does not act like different people around different people.
5. Does not make personal inquiries, and if they do, openly states that the person does not have to answer. Does not ask what someone is feeling. Does not try to guess how someone is feeling.
6. Does not give unsolicited psychoanalysis.
7. Does not think they "know" you and what motivated you to do something. Does not twist your words or the tone of your words against you to try to make you doubt yourself.
8. Will listen to you even if they don't agree with what you're saying or don't like what you're saying. Will address what you said in a respectful manner that does not intimidate or diminish you and your reality.
9. Will hold themselves responsible when they have hurt someone. Will not dodge their part of the responsibility for the consequences of their words and actions.
10. Will make you a priority in a crisis, because you would make them a priority in a crisis.
11. They are seldom in crisis, however and can handle most of their problems by themselves.
12. When they give, they give for the sake of giving, not from expecting something in return. If they expect something in return, they say exactly what it is they expect. If they are uncomfortable with giving, they will not give.
13. Does not tally up your mistakes as "ammunititon" to try and use against you later.
14. Can actually say what they like about you, rather than just having shallow pet-like affections.
15. Does not shower you with compliments, gifts, or other offerings.
16. Consoles you like a normal person. Does not make over-dramatic displays of sympathy.
17. DOES GOOD THINGS AND IS NICE TO PEOPLE BECAUSE ITS A REWARD IN AND OF ITSELF. NOT BECAUSE IT LOOKS GOOD ON A RESUME, MASKS ABUSE, OR MAKES PEOPLE EASIER TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF.
1. Expresses emotions freely, but without expecting others to take responsibility for them. Does not use emotions as a weapon or dramatic display.
2. Does not use "rationality" to "dismiss" something someone is feeling or thinking. Does not tell someone what they do or do not have a right to feel.
3. Does not feel the need to compete with others to be worth something. Does not get jealous often, or at all.
4. Is not out to impress the world. Is relaxed and natural during first encounters. Does not act like different people around different people.
5. Does not make personal inquiries, and if they do, openly states that the person does not have to answer. Does not ask what someone is feeling. Does not try to guess how someone is feeling.
6. Does not give unsolicited psychoanalysis.
7. Does not think they "know" you and what motivated you to do something. Does not twist your words or the tone of your words against you to try to make you doubt yourself.
8. Will listen to you even if they don't agree with what you're saying or don't like what you're saying. Will address what you said in a respectful manner that does not intimidate or diminish you and your reality.
9. Will hold themselves responsible when they have hurt someone. Will not dodge their part of the responsibility for the consequences of their words and actions.
10. Will make you a priority in a crisis, because you would make them a priority in a crisis.
11. They are seldom in crisis, however and can handle most of their problems by themselves.
12. When they give, they give for the sake of giving, not from expecting something in return. If they expect something in return, they say exactly what it is they expect. If they are uncomfortable with giving, they will not give.
13. Does not tally up your mistakes as "ammunititon" to try and use against you later.
14. Can actually say what they like about you, rather than just having shallow pet-like affections.
15. Does not shower you with compliments, gifts, or other offerings.
16. Consoles you like a normal person. Does not make over-dramatic displays of sympathy.
17. DOES GOOD THINGS AND IS NICE TO PEOPLE BECAUSE ITS A REWARD IN AND OF ITSELF. NOT BECAUSE IT LOOKS GOOD ON A RESUME, MASKS ABUSE, OR MAKES PEOPLE EASIER TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF.