(no subject)
Humanity. It can go suck a fat one.
So tonight I realized, what's so great about the people in my life? What's so great about people at all, besides the fact that we are all so intricate and complex and could be so much more than we are if only we were bright enough to realize that the stupidity we possess doesn't need to be a part of our lives.
My friends. FRIENDS. No, just people. That's all they are. Fucking idiots, they don't understand shit. There's nothing too wonderful about them, because all of their wonderful traits are overshadowed by the ugly fact that they don't even give credit to what's so beautiful about them. I'm sick of them. What's my deal, anyway? Do I just think I'm so much better than any other human ever created on this earth? Well, I don't really know about that one, but I do know that nobody I've ever met has fulfilled my standards for a decent human being. I've been online for the past 10 minutes and my best friend hasn't even talked to me yet. She can go suck her boyfriend, fuck it. You know I was in church tonight. I was about to walk out until I realized I was there for God.
God. The Lord. Heavenly Father up above. Tell me, what's my problem, why has the soul of an introvert overtaken my body? I Do Not Have Friends. Just people that I know, people I can have a good time with when I'm so high on life that my mind takes fourteen years to recover itself. There Are No Such Thing As Friends. You have people in life that you meet, and then you meet a Lover, and discover that he's the only thing on this earth you need besides your faith in God. I'm already too old for this life.
An old soul stuck in a fourteen-year-old body. I've grown up too fast, and after all of this you'd think I want to slow down. But oh no, I'm so anxious to make it to adulthood; the reason most likely being so that I can have the knowledge of knowing I made it through 18 years in one piece. And after that, my place in this society is up to me. I can do whatever I please. I need to do what's right for me.
Proposition. I've got one I'd like my parents to consider. When I'm sixteen, I'd like to move out on my own. I want to live, I want my independence and freedom. Free from you, free from the world, free from all the things about myself that I despise. I'm ready to turn my outsides in and figure out what it is that I don't have, what it is that I need so badly. Because I'm empty.
So that's how i feel tonight. Fuck.