and it's returned.......
Right now i'm tense as ever, i'm sore also and I have no clue why. At first I thought it was from practicing the parade since i hadn't marched in forever but mom tells me it's something deeper.
STRESS
Why does the body tend to hurt you when you think everything is fine and ok. I mean I had a fun night last night and now i'm hurting even more.
Yea I didnt get to march in the Christmas parade, but i was ok with it for a lil...it did piss me off but that night at the Play i felt soo much better. My freshman and I went to eat dinner and then the play, drove him home and that was it. Grrr, i hate it when my body takes over instead of my mind.
Now so many thoughts are running through my head, ever since i got into contact with my lil half sis. I mean it was fine talking with her on aol cause i haven't seen anyone since january but now many bad thoughts are repeating back in my head.
Tension getting even worse...ow!
I need a therapist, why do i think these bad thought? Why can't i get over that my dad's side of the family is different? Why do I feel as if everyone on his side of the family except him, mike, karina, and annie are strangers. I mean i spent loads of time of Tia Noamie but i just feel so bad around her. She makes me feel guilty but a lot of people do that so oh well. I wish dad would understand why i didn't dance at the parties....it was like being in a room of strangers with no one to talk to. Dad gets drunk so he's non-existent so....and karina and mike and annie have family....where do i fit in? I feel like i am not part of them but i want to soooooooooo much. I'm not that lil girl that didn't care who they were and everyone adored anymore. I can't be skinny like my family is and that what they want me to be. I'm happy but I'm not happy. I feel like i just want to shut the door on my dad's side of the family but i want them sooo much. I envy Karina and Mike who have had them their whole lives. I hate my mom from moving from them. However, I wouldn't have a good life like i have right now here in the south with my mom....why does life have to be greener on the other side?
I tell myself I need a therapist...its possibly true but that is still a stranger and i can't talk to strangers i'm sorry. Mom already tried a therapist on me when mr. carl was here but noooooo i just sat outside in the car for an hour during her sessions....what's wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!
I hurt I hurt I hurt I hurt, physically and emotionally..... owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i scream its only more tension for me, when i write its hurts my head....i just wonna die.
STRESS
Why does the body tend to hurt you when you think everything is fine and ok. I mean I had a fun night last night and now i'm hurting even more.
Yea I didnt get to march in the Christmas parade, but i was ok with it for a lil...it did piss me off but that night at the Play i felt soo much better. My freshman and I went to eat dinner and then the play, drove him home and that was it. Grrr, i hate it when my body takes over instead of my mind.
Now so many thoughts are running through my head, ever since i got into contact with my lil half sis. I mean it was fine talking with her on aol cause i haven't seen anyone since january but now many bad thoughts are repeating back in my head.
Tension getting even worse...ow!
I need a therapist, why do i think these bad thought? Why can't i get over that my dad's side of the family is different? Why do I feel as if everyone on his side of the family except him, mike, karina, and annie are strangers. I mean i spent loads of time of Tia Noamie but i just feel so bad around her. She makes me feel guilty but a lot of people do that so oh well. I wish dad would understand why i didn't dance at the parties....it was like being in a room of strangers with no one to talk to. Dad gets drunk so he's non-existent so....and karina and mike and annie have family....where do i fit in? I feel like i am not part of them but i want to soooooooooo much. I'm not that lil girl that didn't care who they were and everyone adored anymore. I can't be skinny like my family is and that what they want me to be. I'm happy but I'm not happy. I feel like i just want to shut the door on my dad's side of the family but i want them sooo much. I envy Karina and Mike who have had them their whole lives. I hate my mom from moving from them. However, I wouldn't have a good life like i have right now here in the south with my mom....why does life have to be greener on the other side?
I tell myself I need a therapist...its possibly true but that is still a stranger and i can't talk to strangers i'm sorry. Mom already tried a therapist on me when mr. carl was here but noooooo i just sat outside in the car for an hour during her sessions....what's wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!
I hurt I hurt I hurt I hurt, physically and emotionally..... owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i scream its only more tension for me, when i write its hurts my head....i just wonna die.