Christmas Eve Ramblings.
I've become fairly mothering towards the younger of my cousins who is staying with my family. I think it's just her, she's so small, and she loves to snuggle, and so she's bringing out the mother/broodyperson in me, who is so rarely seen. It's quite odd. She fell asleep in my arms tonight, and all I could think was that I felt happy.
Weird.
Also, the past couple of days have led me to feeling quite calm and happy with my life. It's not because of the season, but just because I've become more accepting of things. As I said to one of my friends last night, I think I am now, nearly, so fricking close, to getting over John. I don't talk about him much, at all, and I didn't really tell anyone how our relationship ending affected me, but right now, I look back on my year, and I think that I became a better person away from him, instead of being a vaguely better person with him. That shouldn't be how it is in a good relationship, so even though there are remnants of love that i feel for him still residing in me, I'd find it difficult being with him again. Obviously he was important to me, but all the men I've loved have been, it's just about accepting that it is now over (and I know this is nearly a year late!) and that there is something better in my life just round the corner, how big the corner is I cannot tell.
And it's Christmas day tomorrow (I know everyone realises this), which means family. And I am going to try sooo hard not to get too irritated by the family. I shall, instead, try to take some joy from their happiness, and ignore the little bits in me that's going "Oh, shut up." That happens a lot, usually.
Anyway. I'm okay. For once I feel alright. I'm quite calm, peaceful... it's fucking scary my friends.
I hope you all have a good day tomorrow, and that you enjoy it in whatever way you do, and if you don't like Christmas then look forward to 2008, and if you do like Christmas then stare at the fairy lights on a Christmas tree for five minutes, it's gets quite spacey after a while.
Weird.
Also, the past couple of days have led me to feeling quite calm and happy with my life. It's not because of the season, but just because I've become more accepting of things. As I said to one of my friends last night, I think I am now, nearly, so fricking close, to getting over John. I don't talk about him much, at all, and I didn't really tell anyone how our relationship ending affected me, but right now, I look back on my year, and I think that I became a better person away from him, instead of being a vaguely better person with him. That shouldn't be how it is in a good relationship, so even though there are remnants of love that i feel for him still residing in me, I'd find it difficult being with him again. Obviously he was important to me, but all the men I've loved have been, it's just about accepting that it is now over (and I know this is nearly a year late!) and that there is something better in my life just round the corner, how big the corner is I cannot tell.
And it's Christmas day tomorrow (I know everyone realises this), which means family. And I am going to try sooo hard not to get too irritated by the family. I shall, instead, try to take some joy from their happiness, and ignore the little bits in me that's going "Oh, shut up." That happens a lot, usually.
Anyway. I'm okay. For once I feel alright. I'm quite calm, peaceful... it's fucking scary my friends.
I hope you all have a good day tomorrow, and that you enjoy it in whatever way you do, and if you don't like Christmas then look forward to 2008, and if you do like Christmas then stare at the fairy lights on a Christmas tree for five minutes, it's gets quite spacey after a while.