Still alive, I swear. Mostly.
We'll start this off with an angst warning. I mean a Grade A, holy angst Emo Boy, type ANGST WARNING. I trust anyone who sees this will keep their mouths shut where relevant.
I'm not sure if anyone I know even uses LJ anymore. Nor am I even really sure why I'm updating, but it is what it is. So for anyone who might read, and who doesn't know, here are the updates.
* I'm single. Megan and I broke up two months ago to the day.
* I'm still employed. Although I've moved to a different Starbucks, I still work for them.
* I'm not in school. Taking a break while I figure out personal stuff.
So where does that leave me? Confused. I find myself single and not about to get into a relationship for the first time in eleven years. Yes, 11 years either with someone or about to be. I don't really know who I am anymore. I thought being single was helping me rediscover things, and I guess it was - probably still is.
But Megan and I are still sharing the apartment in some kind of fucked up timeshare agreement. So I'm either couch crashing or coming "home" to a place where I'm surrounded by Us-stuff. One the one hand I've slept in 5 different places in two weeks, on the other I feel like I'm constantly slowly peeling off a band-aid.
For the first time in 12 years I've cut myself, and probably will again. No, that's not meant to be a cry for help or anything of the sort. It's just a statement. In theory a journal is kept for yourself, although one posted on the internet is a bit different I suppose.
At the end of the month I'm moving in with one of the shift supervisors from my old Starbucks. I'm hoping that will help get my head straightened out. For some reason I doubt it will help that much, but then it might help with the closure I've been needing for the last two months.
What else is there to say? I'm listening to a lot of music I haven't listened to in the last 4 years. "This isn't THAT important to me, and my significant other isn't into it, so for the ease of a smoother relationship, I'll put it aside." Same thing with drinking and going to shows and clubs and and and... I've remembered why I enjoy these things, although not by myself. That's what started this mood - I went to Death Guild with one of my new co-workers, but no one I knew went.
It was probably the worst time I've ever had at a club.
When did I get so dependent on others to be happy? Oh, wait, refer back to earlier comment about ELEVEN fucking YEARS.
I can't badmouth Megan, I was just as at fault for us not working out as she was, despite the fucked up things she did at the end.
Fuck.
I should sleep, but I don't see that happening soon enough.
I'm not sure if anyone I know even uses LJ anymore. Nor am I even really sure why I'm updating, but it is what it is. So for anyone who might read, and who doesn't know, here are the updates.
* I'm single. Megan and I broke up two months ago to the day.
* I'm still employed. Although I've moved to a different Starbucks, I still work for them.
* I'm not in school. Taking a break while I figure out personal stuff.
So where does that leave me? Confused. I find myself single and not about to get into a relationship for the first time in eleven years. Yes, 11 years either with someone or about to be. I don't really know who I am anymore. I thought being single was helping me rediscover things, and I guess it was - probably still is.
But Megan and I are still sharing the apartment in some kind of fucked up timeshare agreement. So I'm either couch crashing or coming "home" to a place where I'm surrounded by Us-stuff. One the one hand I've slept in 5 different places in two weeks, on the other I feel like I'm constantly slowly peeling off a band-aid.
For the first time in 12 years I've cut myself, and probably will again. No, that's not meant to be a cry for help or anything of the sort. It's just a statement. In theory a journal is kept for yourself, although one posted on the internet is a bit different I suppose.
At the end of the month I'm moving in with one of the shift supervisors from my old Starbucks. I'm hoping that will help get my head straightened out. For some reason I doubt it will help that much, but then it might help with the closure I've been needing for the last two months.
What else is there to say? I'm listening to a lot of music I haven't listened to in the last 4 years. "This isn't THAT important to me, and my significant other isn't into it, so for the ease of a smoother relationship, I'll put it aside." Same thing with drinking and going to shows and clubs and and and... I've remembered why I enjoy these things, although not by myself. That's what started this mood - I went to Death Guild with one of my new co-workers, but no one I knew went.
It was probably the worst time I've ever had at a club.
When did I get so dependent on others to be happy? Oh, wait, refer back to earlier comment about ELEVEN fucking YEARS.
I can't badmouth Megan, I was just as at fault for us not working out as she was, despite the fucked up things she did at the end.
Fuck.
I should sleep, but I don't see that happening soon enough.