(no subject)
I got so fucked up last night...I listened to Adam's Song over and over and over...Bryan and Rachel didn't get home until about 6:30 a.m. so I probably listened to it over a hundred times... it is about 4 minutes long...and 4 times 15=60...so about 15 times an hour for..10pm-11pm-12am-1am-2am-3am-4am-5am-6am= about 135 times...I have it memorized as though I were born singing it..I am so screwed..I need to quit drinking..It's not just somethiing I do to have fun anymore..It's a device to make the pain stop..once in a while is ok but as often as i've been doing it is a bad thing..and makes me feel bad...cept when im sitting with a bottle of vodka and a case of pepsi or a jug of cranberry juice in front of me..then I feel pretty damn good til i pass out..one day ill figure out why I am the way I am and when that happens all will be well and i won't keep finding good guys who are really fucked up and I won't fuck up a good thing when I have it and I will be happy..I hope..otherwise I'm sticking with Puck's original diagnosis o 3months to a year..I hate to admit it but right now that's about it for me..yea...so
I love all of you and I'm sorry...I really am
Maybe one day I'll find out how to fix myself
Jes
I love all of you and I'm sorry...I really am
Maybe one day I'll find out how to fix myself
Jes