“I am always with myself, and it is I who am my tormenter." - Leo Tolstoy
Man I have just been stressed and depressed today. Stressed about college stuff; wondering if going for a 2-year degree and then a 4-year degree is really the right way to go, and I'm depressed from a mixture of not knowing the answers to my college questions and the people I work with at Starbucks. Namely Emily and Nicole, and Brian.
I enjoy talking to these people so much, but I wonder if they like talking to me. I constantly wish that they would suggest us all hanging out together outside of work, or at least talk to me longer after we close and we're heading to our cars to go home. But they never do. I ask insead sometimes and they're all always busy. Are they telling me they are busy b/c they really are or b/c they are just coming up with an excuse so they won't have to hang out with me? Is there something wrong with me? Do I do things or say things that are really stupid/annoying and I just don't realize it? If I do I wish they would tell me. Then thinking all this leads me to wonder what my other friends think of me...do they really like to hang out with me or no?
I dearly miss being together with my close group of high school friends; Andrea, Charles, Melissa (Fl), Kelly, Jenny. Grant hung out with all of them too - thats how I met him for the frist time. Din't start dating him though until a few years after I met him. So at least I still have him. And at least I still have Melissa (Fr), Nisha and Ryan, and I see Stephanie on occasion. But I don't know were the rest of them are now. I know general areas, but that is about it. I could always get into deep, meaningful conversations with them easily, and I miss that. Maybe that is why I want to hang out with my work friends; they seem like they have the same qualities as my old high school friends. I hope me and my old high school friends all still get together at least once a year like we have been so far.
But then again I feel like I don't quite fit in with my starbucks friends, and to a certain extent I never felt like I did with my old high school friends either. Everyone else just seems smarter than me, and so I feel out-of-place. They always have something witty to say, or some great story to tell, but I got nothing. Why am I worrying about this now? I never used to worry about what other people thought of me; why now?
It seems like everyone else is doing better than I am.
2.5 GPA. Failing math class. I feel so stupid and lost.
I enjoy talking to these people so much, but I wonder if they like talking to me. I constantly wish that they would suggest us all hanging out together outside of work, or at least talk to me longer after we close and we're heading to our cars to go home. But they never do. I ask insead sometimes and they're all always busy. Are they telling me they are busy b/c they really are or b/c they are just coming up with an excuse so they won't have to hang out with me? Is there something wrong with me? Do I do things or say things that are really stupid/annoying and I just don't realize it? If I do I wish they would tell me. Then thinking all this leads me to wonder what my other friends think of me...do they really like to hang out with me or no?
I dearly miss being together with my close group of high school friends; Andrea, Charles, Melissa (Fl), Kelly, Jenny. Grant hung out with all of them too - thats how I met him for the frist time. Din't start dating him though until a few years after I met him. So at least I still have him. And at least I still have Melissa (Fr), Nisha and Ryan, and I see Stephanie on occasion. But I don't know were the rest of them are now. I know general areas, but that is about it. I could always get into deep, meaningful conversations with them easily, and I miss that. Maybe that is why I want to hang out with my work friends; they seem like they have the same qualities as my old high school friends. I hope me and my old high school friends all still get together at least once a year like we have been so far.
But then again I feel like I don't quite fit in with my starbucks friends, and to a certain extent I never felt like I did with my old high school friends either. Everyone else just seems smarter than me, and so I feel out-of-place. They always have something witty to say, or some great story to tell, but I got nothing. Why am I worrying about this now? I never used to worry about what other people thought of me; why now?
It seems like everyone else is doing better than I am.
2.5 GPA. Failing math class. I feel so stupid and lost.