(no subject)

[darkrhapsody]

I spent this morning throwing up. Blood and bile was all that came out. I feel hollow. I can't stop shaking. Nothing feels real. I've never hated myself so much. Which is the exact opposite of what I need to be feeling. My whole world has been turned upside down. My sense of reality, stability, everything. I hate myself for wishing it was all a mistake. I know that's not helping me move on. But I can't help it. We were happy.

We were happy, damnit. Everyone could see that, even you. This is all so foolish.

I wish I didn't hate myself so much right now. I wish I could see some small light at the end of the tunnel.