Margaret Thatcher
I have no idea what's going on. I feel... I don't feel right. Still. There are moments where I'm in a good mood, where I feel happy. There are moments where I feel utterly miserable and want to simply flicker out of consciousness. But for the most part I just feel blank.
I cleaned my room today. Four hours of breaking my back and it looks decent. I pulled something though. Something frightening. I'm not sure what it was exactly but I felt a snap in the general direction of my uterus.
Bradford and I are carpooling to Jenna's birthday party later on tonight. Neither of us really wants to see the movie though so I think we're gonna take our leave a little early.
My computer is going through moments of functioning normally as well as moments of near destruction. I need a new computer. Timmy initially wanted to make me one... as nice as the idea was, I'm not going to let it happen now. I don't feel right about it. The whole thing ended up depressing me actually... Those "reality checks" of his always make me feel like one of these days he's going to have a reality check about me and... well you know... mih >.<
My father has the amazing gift of sending me swirling down into depression. Yesterday he chose to tell me that all the loans I've been receiving from the government for school (that all these years my parents told me they were going to cover) have accumulated to about $23,500. He decided that was more than he wanted to pay for so now I've got to worry about that ENORMOUS debt falling on my shoulders in about a year... Oh he didn't neglect to remind me that I still owe him $3,400.. and he's thinking of charging me interest when I graduate... So I'm about $27,000 in the hole... That fact is suffocating me. I feel trapped. The notion of allowing myself to explore my interests after I graduate has sort of been demolished... because I'll have to worry about monthly payments and interest accumulating... I feel awful -.-;
Beans...
I cleaned my room today. Four hours of breaking my back and it looks decent. I pulled something though. Something frightening. I'm not sure what it was exactly but I felt a snap in the general direction of my uterus.
Bradford and I are carpooling to Jenna's birthday party later on tonight. Neither of us really wants to see the movie though so I think we're gonna take our leave a little early.
My computer is going through moments of functioning normally as well as moments of near destruction. I need a new computer. Timmy initially wanted to make me one... as nice as the idea was, I'm not going to let it happen now. I don't feel right about it. The whole thing ended up depressing me actually... Those "reality checks" of his always make me feel like one of these days he's going to have a reality check about me and... well you know... mih >.<
My father has the amazing gift of sending me swirling down into depression. Yesterday he chose to tell me that all the loans I've been receiving from the government for school (that all these years my parents told me they were going to cover) have accumulated to about $23,500. He decided that was more than he wanted to pay for so now I've got to worry about that ENORMOUS debt falling on my shoulders in about a year... Oh he didn't neglect to remind me that I still owe him $3,400.. and he's thinking of charging me interest when I graduate... So I'm about $27,000 in the hole... That fact is suffocating me. I feel trapped. The notion of allowing myself to explore my interests after I graduate has sort of been demolished... because I'll have to worry about monthly payments and interest accumulating... I feel awful -.-;
Beans...