IMPORTANT entry.

[darknight7884]

So I came to the self realization last night that I am addicted to service--not just the kind APO does, but also the whole being a nice guy type.. and that I need to quit some of it. I realized this as I chose to skip class and the homework so easily to type minutes for APO meetings, when part of me told myself that I really needed to go. Which

Comments

[scarredsoul]

aww, dan :( this is so sad to hear! but it's definitely all true... you are without a doubt the most caring and giving guy i've known here at tech and that says a lot because i choose to surround myself only with the highest quality people. i somewhat feel your pain though, and have gone through a similar issue myself, having to balance work, school, and apo... and apo is the one thing i can't really say no to. i understand the two of the three deal because i've gone through that, having to pick when to work and when to do apo and when to care about school. it never occurred to me to change my status as a brother though because i know even if i went inactive, i would still talk to apo people and still want to help with projects and would probably do more service than most associates, if not some brothers. i've chosen to care less about school and my grades are showing it... i've decided to work less and my bank account is showing it... but all the while, knowing that i need to put it in perspective and get things together, i can't help but love apo.

what it comes down to is your motivation. it really is possible to juggle all three if all three are things you're motivated about. it's not easy, but it's possible. even if you drop one, and you're not motivated about the other two, you're still not going to do well. you need to figure out why school has become such an optional type thing for you... maybe you're in the wrong major or you don't feel like the education you're getting will make any difference? maybe as much as you need the money, you don't want to devote more time to work (or finding a higher paying job) for one reason or another. i stuck with the same low paying job all year last year because i have a slight social anxiety (surprise, nobody really knows that! i cover nicely) and the idea of having to learn a new job and new people freaked me out. so i just said 'oh well, i'll be broke' and stuck with it. same thing only worse is happening this year. i hate my job (pay wise) but really don't want to put myself out there to find a better one. apo is the one thing i do well because at the end of the day i can tell myself that no matter how many things i fail at in life, that i've made more of a difference in someone else's life than my own and that's pretty cool.

like i said, you just need to find the cause of the lack of motivation. i would hate to see you go inactive next semester, but maybe there's someway you can get pumped about school so that it takes first priority over apo as an associate. i hope this helps, even though it's no so much advice as just letting you know i'm here if you need to talk more. good luck with everything.

[darknight7884]

First off, thanks for the long reply, its nice to know i have you in my side of the ring. I've taken in your words and of skye's which were much similar. Basically I am going to go Associate next semester instead and since they arent gung-ho about requirements from the beginning, basically I can pretty much try to be "inactive" during the first few weeks and gradually ease myself back into service, all the while seeking counseling to indentify the root of this problem, I dont know what it is, but me and Skye were playing around with ideas of because my dad died, because im bi and seek conformity anyways, because my mommy used to be a alcoholic, but im determined to figure out why. Thanks for being a good friend.. see you in like a half hour.