(no subject)
Journal, I think... I may care too much. I know my heart is still adamant about finding someone decent.. someone good.. someone noble, kind, generous but with each failure, I wonder if it is really worth all the hassale to do this? I don't know if I'll ever find this person or not even though I can be blind and optimistic and say... "I will". I want to believe that though... I really do.. and there are some good people that I have met that I wish I could meet in person but I know that in the given situation, that may never be the case. I can't say for sure... and only time will tell what destinys I have lying in store for me... waiting beyond some cliff, some paradise, some hell, some heaven... whatever the place is.
I don't know if it will.. ever come true but I do hope for it secretly in my heart. That is why.. I try to do what I can and still try to be the best. I know.. I've made a lot of stupid errors in the past but.. it's because of thos errors that have opened my eyes about things around me as well as myself. I just want to make these relationships count to me somehow... without having to always be torn up and burnt and having to bring myself out of the flames and ashes back into life again.
I sure do hope though.. I will find these people and be able to live my destiny based on revealations and realizations based on the truth and convictions of my heart, mind, spirit, etc. I also hope that I can find a person worthy of my efforts.. and I will not just be wasting my time...
I hope.. Darrell and I can become good friends. I am lonely.. but it's not just that which kills me.. it's the fact that I'm lonely, bored, and unhappy with myself as I am. I can't seem to fly or do anything. If I could maybe I wouldn't care so much. *Yawns.* I need some sleep soon... all this angst fest is draining me.
I don't know if it will.. ever come true but I do hope for it secretly in my heart. That is why.. I try to do what I can and still try to be the best. I know.. I've made a lot of stupid errors in the past but.. it's because of thos errors that have opened my eyes about things around me as well as myself. I just want to make these relationships count to me somehow... without having to always be torn up and burnt and having to bring myself out of the flames and ashes back into life again.
I sure do hope though.. I will find these people and be able to live my destiny based on revealations and realizations based on the truth and convictions of my heart, mind, spirit, etc. I also hope that I can find a person worthy of my efforts.. and I will not just be wasting my time...
I hope.. Darrell and I can become good friends. I am lonely.. but it's not just that which kills me.. it's the fact that I'm lonely, bored, and unhappy with myself as I am. I can't seem to fly or do anything. If I could maybe I wouldn't care so much. *Yawns.* I need some sleep soon... all this angst fest is draining me.