Why?!?!?!

[darknessfalz]

i'm sitting here thinking why? the world is going so fast that i'm wondering if there is an imaginary lever to get it to slow down. i guess i'm scared grow up. i'm turning 18, graduating. but i think the one thing that scares me the most is being alone. it hurts so much. i'm afraid to open up. every relationship i've had had turned me into such a hard heart. i may shout to the rooftops that i hate guys, but the truth is... i really want to be with one. to be in someone's arms again. i can imagin it now, he's holding me in his arms while singing "More Than Words" to me,then he kisses me gently on my head like i'm the most precious treasure in the world, and when he's thinks about us not forever being in each others arms you can hear his heart break in two. and when i cried he would kiss away my tears, looks into my eyes and tell me everything is ok, i'm here. then he would hold me until we both fell asleep. *sigh* if you could hear my heart right now, it would be dying, slowly beating into a silent hum. "what sweet bliss you bring to my every waking moment" is what i said at one time. i want to say those words again. i want to feel that warmth in every fiber of my being. unfortunally the world is cruel taht way, the love songs aren't real, and dreams don't come true. i fear i shall forever be alone, without him, the guy of my dreams. that's all he his a dream, no one real, but the one who gives me a sliver of hope. hope that one day i will find the one.

Public - 10:20 PM