(no subject)
i have been so happy after me and jerome had our talk and i was changed but then me and steve have had a blow out 2 days but its my fault because i mean.. i dont have anyone to talk to anymore cuz im not allowed to talk to jerome anymore and he expects me not to cut and i made a promise.. but i mean what? that doesnt make sense im not allowed to but yet im not allowed to talk to him i have no one to talk to and im holding everything inside of me and to be honest i have been happy i really have but im extremly upset because i was upset with him but im hurting people and they dont even know it that hurts me im being made to change into a person that isnt me really but.. im happy thats the thing after we fixed it i am happy but all of a sudden after blowing up i freakin lost it and i get the feeling of wanting to cut im trying to calm down
i cant stand when me and steve fight and he brings up how much of a slut i am he doesnt say it but he totally informs it
i want to be a happier person i want everything to be ok between me and him i wanna lose weight i want him to look at me and be excited to talk to me not scared to *sigh* its my fault and i have to fix it
being inside this house is making me go crazy and like as of right now im not getting the feeling of cutting because writing all of this is helping and thats prolly what i should do is when i get upset right n it cuz it seriously helps big time instead of running to someone for help ive learnd i cant count on anybody especially people who i thought i could (not talking about you jerome) but im saying friends lori doesnt know how to talk to ppl i mean all of theese people expect me to sit there and listen ive done that all of my life and i wanted jerome to talk with me but hes not that type and not many guys are
so ive found this is my way out is writing in my journal cuz omg i feel so much better to get shit off my chest
and steve im sorry i blew up on you ok?