One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
My nerves are just pretty much constantly being wracked or jumbled about.
and they don't appreciate it.
I hyperventilate about the nature of my classes, what my professor will think of me, if I'll get my homework done, if I'll offend God in some way during the Scrutiny, if I hurt my mother in any way, if I'm just being a bitch, or something profound or minuscule it doesn't really matter. I'm just a worry-wart.
Especially recently, when it comes down to what may be my last Spring quarter at DePaul. That or my second to last, in which I'll just be living up the last few classes of my college career.
Either way, the future is coming!
It comes in the form of financial burden. In comes in the form of exciting trips to London. It comes in acceptance to Grad school. In comes in people moving. It comes in traveling the world. It comes in job form. It comes around the corner when you think you're having a grand ol' time.
I think that's what makes it hard for me to sit still - not literally, but like in the not doing anything productive sense. Even going to a movie, eating dinner, walking, traveling I think about what I could be spending that time on. The work, the writing, the reading, the applications, the essays, the research, the job hunting, all of it.
Now I know this is partially because of the giant load of work I have taken on this semester - from writing plays, to reading plays in a short amount of time and taking quizzes on them, to writing fiction, to reading fiction, to work shopping fiction, to reading a Bronte novel in just over a week, to writing research essays, to forming a strong thesis - I am constantly thinking about the work that is ahead of me. Especially with Easter coming up and not enough time to do stuff next week I want to be doing 50 things at once.
Yet I know, if I work too far ahead I'll lose sight of what's around me. I'll forget what I read yesterday and fail the quiz on Thursday. Some things I can't even do because they haven't been assigned or given out. Yet I sit here, anxiously thinking about them and what I could do for them. It's an unpleasant state of being.
I've been battling these nerves with writing though.
In fact, the nerves have been helpful. They drive me to just want to say things and babble - therefore I create a story. It may be nonsense but the beauty is that isn't the point right now. I'm not nerve-wracked about it being a beautiful story because it isn't something I'm turning in or dedicating to the world, it's something for me.
I also think this kitten curled up in my lap helps. He makes me long for naps and lazy days - despite the fact that the rest of my mind is running a thousand miles and laughs at the mere thought of a nap. I've never been good at napping - even when I was little.
So here we go. Writing, Reading, Figuring out some sort of future. That's my plan.
- Mollie
and they don't appreciate it.
I hyperventilate about the nature of my classes, what my professor will think of me, if I'll get my homework done, if I'll offend God in some way during the Scrutiny, if I hurt my mother in any way, if I'm just being a bitch, or something profound or minuscule it doesn't really matter. I'm just a worry-wart.
Especially recently, when it comes down to what may be my last Spring quarter at DePaul. That or my second to last, in which I'll just be living up the last few classes of my college career.
Either way, the future is coming!
It comes in the form of financial burden. In comes in the form of exciting trips to London. It comes in acceptance to Grad school. In comes in people moving. It comes in traveling the world. It comes in job form. It comes around the corner when you think you're having a grand ol' time.
I think that's what makes it hard for me to sit still - not literally, but like in the not doing anything productive sense. Even going to a movie, eating dinner, walking, traveling I think about what I could be spending that time on. The work, the writing, the reading, the applications, the essays, the research, the job hunting, all of it.
Now I know this is partially because of the giant load of work I have taken on this semester - from writing plays, to reading plays in a short amount of time and taking quizzes on them, to writing fiction, to reading fiction, to work shopping fiction, to reading a Bronte novel in just over a week, to writing research essays, to forming a strong thesis - I am constantly thinking about the work that is ahead of me. Especially with Easter coming up and not enough time to do stuff next week I want to be doing 50 things at once.
Yet I know, if I work too far ahead I'll lose sight of what's around me. I'll forget what I read yesterday and fail the quiz on Thursday. Some things I can't even do because they haven't been assigned or given out. Yet I sit here, anxiously thinking about them and what I could do for them. It's an unpleasant state of being.
I've been battling these nerves with writing though.
In fact, the nerves have been helpful. They drive me to just want to say things and babble - therefore I create a story. It may be nonsense but the beauty is that isn't the point right now. I'm not nerve-wracked about it being a beautiful story because it isn't something I'm turning in or dedicating to the world, it's something for me.
I also think this kitten curled up in my lap helps. He makes me long for naps and lazy days - despite the fact that the rest of my mind is running a thousand miles and laughs at the mere thought of a nap. I've never been good at napping - even when I was little.
So here we go. Writing, Reading, Figuring out some sort of future. That's my plan.
- Mollie