Baseball Fever (83/90): Don packs up his old life and Charlie unpacks some new problems
Title: Baseball Fever (83/89)
Summary of the story (only updated through chap 42)
Full Chapter List (up to date)
Fandom: NUMB3RS
Pairing/characters: Don Eppes/Colby Granger, Don Eppes/Charlie Eppes, Don Eppes/OMCs
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Charlie discovers some unexpected things about his sexy older brother.
Part 83: Don packs up his old life and Charlie unpacks some new problems
Now that Alan has come home and seen the state Charlie is in, Don and Charlie have to adjust to him in the house and in their lives.
Word Count: 2372
Notes/Warnings: (Spoilers) Sibling incest, abusive relationship, suicidal thoughts
Author's Note: Whoa, it's been over three years since I last updated this! I posted the last chapter just before the pandemic started then when I got back to writing, had some urgent plot bunnies. Moving back to this now!
Previously in "Baseball Fever": Still reeling from being dumped by his abusive boyfriend Colby, Don gets himself injured by a former sex partner. Charlie rescues Don and nurses him back to health. After Don is recovered, they allow their mutual attraction to flare again, an attraction that Charlie has struggled with all his life but that Don only recently discovered at a hotel getaway. They agree that there is no future in a romantic relationship between them. Charlie decides that he needs to find Don a boyfriend, and chooses a family friend, Alexei. Don and Alexei begin dating, though Don is still in the closet. They date for almost six months.
Don gets a jolt when he receives a letter from his landlord which reminds him that he used to pay for his rent with sex. Though Alexei is supportive of Don getting help, all of Don's deep hatred for himself comes roaring back and he is certain he can never have a healthy, normal relationship. He breaks up with Alexei and goes home to drown his sorrows. There he discovers that Alan has left for two weeks, and more importantly, Charlie's not been eating much since Don got together with Alexei, and also walking to excess.
Don spends the next two weeks taking care of Charlie, including taking him to work, to see the doctor, and feeding and aiding him. Charlie has hidden his deterioration from his doctor as well, and his doctor almost puts Charlie in the hospital. Don manages to convince the doctor to give him time to improve Charlie's condition. Don and Charlie both struggle with their own demons while trying to rescue Charlie's health. Don begs Charlie, 'If you try to stay with me, I will try to stay with you.'
With Don's constant attentions, slowly Charlie's mind and body begin to improve and he's able to stay out of the hospital. He insists on giving Don regular blowjobs, which Don is very conflicted about. Charlie is not able to have a erection of his own. After two weeks of healing, Charlie is finally able to have an erection, relieving them both.
Alan returns home and Don chews him out for letting Charlie get into that state. Don also has to explain to Alan why he broke up with Alexei.
Part 83: Don packs up his old life and Charlie unpacks some new problems
"Charlie, you better not be packing in there!" Alan called from the bedroom.
Charlie jumped guiltily and set down the cup he'd been about to add to a box. He knew he was supposed to be resting, but he was bored.
He sat down on the couch and stared at the blank tv. He'd had it on earlier, but Don kept getting distracted from packing and Alan grumbled until Charlie turned it off.
Or maybe Don kept taking the excuse to sit on the couch and make sure Charlie was okay. Each time, Charlie had given him as much of a smile he could manage and taken whatever drink or snack Don was pressing on him.
That way at least he could pretend to eat or drink whenever Alan checked on him.
Don had chewed Alan out this morning, making it very clear to him the condition that Don had found Charlie in when Alan left for his long trip. Their father looked shaken and chastened and determined to help with Charlie's recovery. In retrospect, now that Charlie was able to string a thought or two together again, Charlie was surprised that Alan hadn't noticed his deterioration. Don had noticed in one glance - once he had stopped avoiding looking at Charlie.
Charlie fiddled with a squeezable yogurt tube. After Don had yelled at their father, Alan had asked the question that Charlie dreaded - why Don had broken up with Alexei. Charlie had been forced to listen again to the story of Don's awful landlord, and Don's deep well of self-loathing. Don had said that Alexei wanted to work on Don's issues with him and support him in any way. Don hadn't been able to accept that support, though Alexei no doubt would have been great help to him.
Certainly better than his weak, clueless little brother.
But Charlie had to admit to himself that he was glad that Don wasn't with Alexei and was with him. He felt heavy guilt that he hadn't been able to be happy for Don in his good relationship with Alexei. Charlie had tried hard to be happy, but his body hadn't let him. Or maybe it was his mind or unconscious, or something. He had the feeling that even if he was at his normal level of mental functioning, he still wouldn't understand it. He just knew that Don was somehow a required daily element in his life if he wanted to continue to exist. Don had promised that he would stay with Charlie after this, but what would happen after Charlie got better? This morning, Don had told his new landlord that he wasn't renewing his lease, but Don hadn't lived at home for any length of time since he was a teenager. He'd want to find a new place to live soon. And Alexei had offered to let Don move in…
"Do you like the strawberry ones?" Don asked, making Charlie jump again.
Charlie looked at the yogurt tube and was surprised to see that he'd emptied it. He checked the taste in his mouth. "Too sweet."
"Yeah, they do have a lot of added sugar."
"That fruit mush was better."
"Puree," Don chuckled. "Fruit puree. You'll find it in all the best restaurants." He frowned thoughtfully. "Maybe the puree with some Greek yogurt."
"Ok," Charlie said automatically. He didn't really care what he ate, just that Don was there, caring for him. But Don had apparently learned a lot from Alexei about how to eat healthy.
Pain shot through his stomach at the thought of Don returning to Alexei.
His hand jerked involuntarily towards his stomach before he could stop it.
Don's face immediately turned concerned.
"Buddy, you okay?" Don said. "You haven't had stomach pains in days!"
"I know, it's just…" Waking up alone, being unable to touch you…
Alan called from the other room. "Don, come help me with this box! I'm not a spring chicken, you know!"
"Hang on!" Don called.
He turned back to Charlie. "What's going on? Why are you-"
"It's this place," Charlie interrupted him. Then he realized that was partially true. He hated being here, knowing what Don's landlord had done to him so many times. From his spot on the couch, Charlie could see the front entrance where Don had paid his rent on his hands and knees.
Don followed Charlie's gaze and grimaced. "Yeah…"
He gave Charlie's hand a quick squeeze, then stood up. "Coming, Dad, but that's the last box for today. I've got the rest of the month before I've got to be completely moved out."
Alan started to say something and Don interrupted. "Charlie needs to go home."
Immediately, Alan came into the room, a frown on his face. "Charlie, are you packing again?"
"No," Charlie said. "But I can't relax with the… with knowing what happened here."
Alan's face cleared and he nodded. "Working helps me not think about it, but just sitting here… Yeah, let's go home. Don, get Charlie settled in the car and come back to get these boxes."
Don nodded and began to gather up the food wrappers and the books and notebooks Charlie knew were supposed to tempt him. What did he care about getting better if that meant Don left?
Don helped Charlie get up from the couch then kept ahold of Charlie's elbow out the door and down the hall. When they turned the corner away from his apartment, Don stopped walking and turned Charlie to meet his eyes.
"Charlie, is anything else wrong? I'm moving home, to be with you. Isn't that good?"
"Yeah," Charlie mumbled. "But you never stay. You haven't lived there for more than a month since high school."
Don set down what he was carrying and wrapped his arms around Charlie. He gave him a tight hug, then pulled back enough to see Charlie's face. "This time it's going to be different, because you and me are different." Don lowered his voice to a whisper. "I don't need to leave to get my needs met anymore."
Charlie gave him a faint smile. He'd rather Don would stay with him because he wanted to, not that Charlie was willing to fuck him.
Don must have seen the mixed emotions on his face because he said, "Not just that need, the other stuff too. You know, company."
"I know," Charlie said, though in truth that didn't make him feel much better. He didn't want to be just a fuck-pal to Don.
Don started to say something else, but Charlie interrupted with, "Let's just go home, ok?"
Sighing, Don kissed Charlie's head and released him. He got the things he'd set down and took hold of Charlie's arm again.
Don got Charlie settled into the car then went back inside. Charlie stared morosely out the window. He'd vowed to himself to focus on making Don happy, putting Don's needs first, but he wasn't being very successful.
In penance, he opened up another yogurt tube and forced himself to swallow it.
The rest of Sunday passed quietly, with Alan always around. Charlie ate what he could manage, but he couldn't get down as much as he could when holding Don's hand. He didn't sleep well that night, worrying how he was going to keep Don satisfied at home when they couldn't be alone together.
Monday morning he went to work again with Don, though this time he didn't have the break room to himself or Agent MacDonald catering to his every whim. People in the office still left him alone, though, but he grew tired of their concerned looks and bit tongues.
Tuesday, Alan took Charlie to see Dr. Ray while Don went to work. Dr. Ray made it very clear to Alan the fragile state of Charlie's health and what needed to be done. Alan walked out of the doctor's office white-faced and was extra-solicitous the rest of the day. He even offered to play chess with Charlie, but Charlie declined. If his father ended up beating him, Charlie knew that would send Alan's anxiety through the roof.
After going to work together on Wednesday, Don slyly suggested that he and Charlie 'pick up something' at his Alan-free apartment. But when they walked into the apartment, suddenly neither of them felt like messing around. Don grabbed a box of sports memorabilia, and they left without even kissing.
By Thursday, Charlie's lack of sleep was becoming obvious. Alan got a prescription from Dr. Ray for sleeping pills and had Don pick them up on his lunch break. Charlie slept heavily all the rest of the day and through the night. When he woke up on Friday morning, he felt sluggish and groggy and he stayed home with Alan, watching old tv shows.
Friday, Penny arrived. He liked his father's girlfriend and was happy that Alan was happy with her, but this time it just meant one more person to bug him about eating and sleeping. He pretended to nap all day, just to avoid the questions. He couldn't exactly tell her - or his father - that at night he lay awake waiting for the sounds of Don sneaking out for a sex fix. Their old house was too noisy for Don to leave quietly. Every night Don didn't go out, so every next night Charlie more sure he'd go out that night. What would Charlie do if he heard Don sneaking out? Probably nothing. But he wanted to know if he did.
On Saturday, Charlie was glad for Penny's presence. While he and Penny watched some old game shows, Don and Alan went back to Don's apartment with a rented truck. This time they cleaned the apartment out entirely, including the furniture. Don technically had more time to vacate, but no one wanted to wait.
When they got back, everyone was distracted with figuring out where to put Don's old furniture and boxes of stuff. While they debated about placement then began to move furniture around, Charlie was just able to watch Don. He enjoyed every straining muscle and drop of sweat. While Don had been desirable as a young adult, it was nothing compared to his mature body now. Charlie got half-hard at the thought. Only half-hard. He grimaced and swore he'd get more sleep tonight. He needed to be ready in case he and Don did get some private time.
But that night, he found himself staring at the ceiling again, waiting for the hall floorboards to squeak.
He got out of bed, woke up his father, and got some sleeping pills. He'd been resistant to taking any more since they made him feel fuzzy, but even drugged sleep was getting necessary.
He slept all night and half of the next day. He came downstairs, ate something, then fell asleep again on the couch. When he awoke, he saw Don sitting in the chair across from him, watching him.
When Charlie opened his eyes, Don came and sat next to him.
He started to take Charlie into his arms, but Charlie protested, looking around.
"They're at the grocery store," Don said. and Charlie sagged into his arms.
Don kissed Charlie's hair and forehead.
"Don…" Charlie said. "I'm not up to…"
"I know," Don said. "Those pills really knock you out. It's okay."
Charlie snuggled closer.
"Charlie," Don said. "Why aren't you sleeping? Is it just that I'm not with you? In the bed?"
Charlie traced the letters on Don's old Dodgers t-shirt. "Some. Kind of."
"I miss sleeping with you, too," Don said. "But there's something else?"
Softly, Charlie said, "I worry that I'll miss you leaving."
"Leaving?"
"Yeah, you know, to…"
"Oh." Don sighed. "I can't say I haven't wanted to."
Charlie groaned.
"But I haven't!" Don said. "I wouldn't, not with you like this."
"Even more reason to stay 'like this,'" Charlie mumbled into Don's shirt.
"No!" Don squeezed Charlie's shoulder. "No. I want the real Charlie back, all energy and brains."
"What if that Charlie doesn't come back?"
"Don't say that! You were making good progress, still are. But you've got to sleep."
They sat for a moment, Don rubbing Charlie's shoulder.
Finally, Don said, "What if I left my car keys with you when you went to bed? And if I had to go into work, I'd come wake you up and tell you?"
Charlie grumbled uncertainly. He was never very alert on waking, Don could easily lie to him.
Don continued, "Then, later, if you are worried that I went to Alexei or something, that you could call me and I'd let you talk to David or Liz or whoever is there with me?"
"That sounds more good."
"Good, then you could sleep and-"
"It's not Alexei I'm worried about," Charlie said, sitting up to look at Don's face. "Okay, that's not true, I worry all the time about you going back to Alexei. But worse would be needing to take you to the ER because some monster, another monster, beat you up because you both believe you deserve it and you had to go to him because I'm too sick to give you what you need. Because that's still where you are."
Don blew out a long breath. "Yeah. I'm working on that."
"Are you?"
Don's face darkened and Charlie wished he could take the words back. "Sorry, I'm just not sleeping and-"
"It's okay," Don said stiffly. "It's a fair question."
Charlie leaned back against him. "Can we go back to holding me?"
"Sure," Don said with a sigh. He pulled Charlie close and put his cheek in Charlie's hair. Charlie breathed out deeply…and felt himself falling asleep again.
"Go ahead," Don murmured. "But tonight I'm going to give you my keys at bedtime. And if you're ever worried about where I am, just call me, okay?"
"Okay," Charlie said, just to get Don to stop talking.
"Okay."
As Charlie drifted off, Don said softly, "I'm not sleeping well either. People are starting to notice. My brain just won't be quiet, and my body won't shut up either. I've got to find an answer for me, too."