It's time for a change
I haven't posted a lot in livejournal. Mostly because well it is livejournal. The connotation attached to having a livejournal at my age is well, not a good one haha.
Anyway, livejournal helps me gather my thoughts and write out things that I feel like I either need to say or to express so I can fully comprehend my own thoughts.
2008 is over now though. I look back on that year as one that start rough and ended rough with about 2.5 good months total (June, July and a few weeks in Oct-Nov). It was a tough year mentally, emotionally and physically for me.
Mentally:
I got burnt out by school in May and never fully recovered this semester. As I slowly came to the realization that I did not like graduate school and that I didn't want to spend my life doing this, things got even tougher. Motivation dropped, comprehension of the material ceased and things just got tough mentally for me.
Emotionally:
There were a few bright spots, notably Kristin and Donnie getting married! That was awesome! I was able to connect with my friends in Ohio this summer and make a lot of new friends earlier this semester. However my grandmother passed away in October and 2 weeks later, my dad got re-married. Add to that the fact that I was broken up with twice this past year and it made for a trying year emotionally.
Physically:
I have always had a weird medical history. I don't think I need to run through it here, but let's not forget the spontaneous collapse of my lung. In fact, that might be causing me some more problems now as I've had a little scare at the end of the year with my health. That is still pending though. Also the dislocation of my shoulder happened playing soccer earlier this year. That threw a lot of things off for me. I do not like being physically hurt.
Overall as I look back to 2008, I'm not proud of myself very much. I feel like I made a lot of mistakes this past year. Let's run through the big ones
1) Causing problems with Shannon without realizing it. I was not a great boyfriend to her and I took her for granted a lot. I have tried a little bit to make amends with her but for the first few months of 2008, I was oblivious to this, but I caused most of the problems and made things worse. She definitely deserved better than me.
2) Losing motivation for school. I totally blew it off sometimes. I got caught in a cycle that just added a lot of stress and contributed to me getting burnt out in May. The grades that I got I definitely deserved but I could have done so much better. In fact in both semesters of 2008 I know that I could have done a lot better, but I am too much of a slacker
3) Not getting a job in the summer. I had the greatest summer ever. All I did was play soccer, mow lawn and go to weddings. It was a lot of fun. Yet I entered the summer in good financial shape. I tried to get a job, I didn't really want a full time 40+ hour job. I turned down working construction with my cousin, though I had actually really liked that job. I remember coming into the summer with hopes of actually getting back on track for grad school. I ended summer with basically no money and nothing accomplished at all.
4) The Andrea situation. I don't regret anything at all. Not a chance. However I'm not proud of how everything happened. I definitely broke my own relationship rules (nearly all of them in fact lol) and looking back, I know that no one is happy with how the situation went down. Despite my self-interest in the situation, I did feel very bad with what ended up happening. I also think that because I was not proud of my involvement in it, I tried to push everything about that situation away, which made things with Andrea and I so so so much worse and definitely contributed to our own problems.
Fortunately there are many things to look forward to in 2009:
-I'm graduating in May with a Masters degree in Political Science that I did not have to pay a dime for
-I scored two tickets to the Inauguration
-I get another chance to figure out my life
I've already made some changes in my life that I like
- I bought a new wardrobe. It was my Christmas present from "Santa" and I am very happy about it. I bought jeans, non-cargo khakis, sweaters, shirts, new shoes and socks. I look like a grown up now!
- I'm making changes to my room and apartment. I'm tired of it looking so much like a dorm room. It's time to live in a place that's less like college
Add to that my New Year's resolutions and things are starting off on a good foot.
Here are my resolutions
1) Keep working out: I was pretty happy with where I was until I dislocated my shoulder in September. I'm planning to rehab my shoulder more and then re-do the 100 push up challenge. I just want to get some more upper body mass. Also my roommate Carl is putting in a weight bench in our apartment too so perhaps I'll have even more motivation.
2) Spend less time on the internet: I am on the internet way too much, especially Gmail. I am trying to slowly cut back my time on the internet. It'll take awhile but as long as I keep it as a conscious thought I think I'll get much better at it.
3) Figure out my life: This has tangible goals to it. I want to find a location and a job that I'm going to work at for the next 3 years of my life. I figure that this will be one of the last times in my life where I'll have an opportunity free of attachments to go some place and do something that I want to do. I hope that I'll be on the marriage track by the time I'm 28 (if not before? lol) so at that point I'll have to make a joint decision. At this moment though, I can take a good look around the country at a lot of different opportunities
4) Take advantage of DC more: It's here and I always just assume that I'll get around to seeing everything one day. Well no more, I'm putting a 2 attractions per month rule in my book of rules. It helps that I have a lot of visitors but I need to start going places and doing things and see exhibits more, even if it's by myself.
So I like those resolutions and I think I can keep them. Well I know that I'll at least try. The goal really though is for me to start being more of an "adult" than the quasi man-child that I feel like I am now. I have been desperately clinging to the high school/undergrad life style that I've had for a long time now. I need to do a little bit of growing up. I'm not meaning that I'm going to change my personality or who I am, but mostly I'm going to start living a life that I've wanted to for awhile but have been strangely reluctant to embrace.
However now it's time to work on NYR2 (New Years Resolution #2)
Anyway, livejournal helps me gather my thoughts and write out things that I feel like I either need to say or to express so I can fully comprehend my own thoughts.
2008 is over now though. I look back on that year as one that start rough and ended rough with about 2.5 good months total (June, July and a few weeks in Oct-Nov). It was a tough year mentally, emotionally and physically for me.
Mentally:
I got burnt out by school in May and never fully recovered this semester. As I slowly came to the realization that I did not like graduate school and that I didn't want to spend my life doing this, things got even tougher. Motivation dropped, comprehension of the material ceased and things just got tough mentally for me.
Emotionally:
There were a few bright spots, notably Kristin and Donnie getting married! That was awesome! I was able to connect with my friends in Ohio this summer and make a lot of new friends earlier this semester. However my grandmother passed away in October and 2 weeks later, my dad got re-married. Add to that the fact that I was broken up with twice this past year and it made for a trying year emotionally.
Physically:
I have always had a weird medical history. I don't think I need to run through it here, but let's not forget the spontaneous collapse of my lung. In fact, that might be causing me some more problems now as I've had a little scare at the end of the year with my health. That is still pending though. Also the dislocation of my shoulder happened playing soccer earlier this year. That threw a lot of things off for me. I do not like being physically hurt.
Overall as I look back to 2008, I'm not proud of myself very much. I feel like I made a lot of mistakes this past year. Let's run through the big ones
1) Causing problems with Shannon without realizing it. I was not a great boyfriend to her and I took her for granted a lot. I have tried a little bit to make amends with her but for the first few months of 2008, I was oblivious to this, but I caused most of the problems and made things worse. She definitely deserved better than me.
2) Losing motivation for school. I totally blew it off sometimes. I got caught in a cycle that just added a lot of stress and contributed to me getting burnt out in May. The grades that I got I definitely deserved but I could have done so much better. In fact in both semesters of 2008 I know that I could have done a lot better, but I am too much of a slacker
3) Not getting a job in the summer. I had the greatest summer ever. All I did was play soccer, mow lawn and go to weddings. It was a lot of fun. Yet I entered the summer in good financial shape. I tried to get a job, I didn't really want a full time 40+ hour job. I turned down working construction with my cousin, though I had actually really liked that job. I remember coming into the summer with hopes of actually getting back on track for grad school. I ended summer with basically no money and nothing accomplished at all.
4) The Andrea situation. I don't regret anything at all. Not a chance. However I'm not proud of how everything happened. I definitely broke my own relationship rules (nearly all of them in fact lol) and looking back, I know that no one is happy with how the situation went down. Despite my self-interest in the situation, I did feel very bad with what ended up happening. I also think that because I was not proud of my involvement in it, I tried to push everything about that situation away, which made things with Andrea and I so so so much worse and definitely contributed to our own problems.
Fortunately there are many things to look forward to in 2009:
-I'm graduating in May with a Masters degree in Political Science that I did not have to pay a dime for
-I scored two tickets to the Inauguration
-I get another chance to figure out my life
I've already made some changes in my life that I like
- I bought a new wardrobe. It was my Christmas present from "Santa" and I am very happy about it. I bought jeans, non-cargo khakis, sweaters, shirts, new shoes and socks. I look like a grown up now!
- I'm making changes to my room and apartment. I'm tired of it looking so much like a dorm room. It's time to live in a place that's less like college
Add to that my New Year's resolutions and things are starting off on a good foot.
Here are my resolutions
1) Keep working out: I was pretty happy with where I was until I dislocated my shoulder in September. I'm planning to rehab my shoulder more and then re-do the 100 push up challenge. I just want to get some more upper body mass. Also my roommate Carl is putting in a weight bench in our apartment too so perhaps I'll have even more motivation.
2) Spend less time on the internet: I am on the internet way too much, especially Gmail. I am trying to slowly cut back my time on the internet. It'll take awhile but as long as I keep it as a conscious thought I think I'll get much better at it.
3) Figure out my life: This has tangible goals to it. I want to find a location and a job that I'm going to work at for the next 3 years of my life. I figure that this will be one of the last times in my life where I'll have an opportunity free of attachments to go some place and do something that I want to do. I hope that I'll be on the marriage track by the time I'm 28 (if not before? lol) so at that point I'll have to make a joint decision. At this moment though, I can take a good look around the country at a lot of different opportunities
4) Take advantage of DC more: It's here and I always just assume that I'll get around to seeing everything one day. Well no more, I'm putting a 2 attractions per month rule in my book of rules. It helps that I have a lot of visitors but I need to start going places and doing things and see exhibits more, even if it's by myself.
So I like those resolutions and I think I can keep them. Well I know that I'll at least try. The goal really though is for me to start being more of an "adult" than the quasi man-child that I feel like I am now. I have been desperately clinging to the high school/undergrad life style that I've had for a long time now. I need to do a little bit of growing up. I'm not meaning that I'm going to change my personality or who I am, but mostly I'm going to start living a life that I've wanted to for awhile but have been strangely reluctant to embrace.
However now it's time to work on NYR2 (New Years Resolution #2)