(no subject)
Creative Writing story back: 67% :DD
The first thing I notice in the comments is that she corrects my contractions - and she commented on 'slippy'. Whoops? I think I'm too used to third person limited-so-much-it-may-as-well-be-first-person, which is making me wonder if I can use colloquialisms in the twelve-year-old kid. Need to ask her about that.
She, er, thought the guy was a guy who was escaping after getting tortured, so he shouldn't have a bed. ^ ^; And she thought his little sister was his daughter. Eek.
Ahaha. XD 'If it hadn't rained for for weeks, how was the ground slippery (not 'slippy')?'
It's too dry so it doesn't keep together? Maybe?
I also tried to shove as many things as I could in my little word count, so, there's a lot of questions asked by the readers, with no way of being able to give them any answers - probably explains why I went on for another thousand words, doesn't it?
So, the rewrite of it'll be interesting to see once it's done.
My boyfriend read over To Dream with me and just... omg, to how much stuff I have to change, especially after knowing about the colloquialisms and stuff. ;___; He also said that the 'I'm gonna be an apprentice!' was a bit out of the blue, but I agree with him, and I wanted to have her actually use magic somehow, but the word cooouuuunnnnt. DD:
And he said that I used 'but' far, far too much. XD;;
The first thing I notice in the comments is that she corrects my contractions - and she commented on 'slippy'. Whoops? I think I'm too used to third person limited-so-much-it-may-as-well-be-first-person, which is making me wonder if I can use colloquialisms in the twelve-year-old kid. Need to ask her about that.
She, er, thought the guy was a guy who was escaping after getting tortured, so he shouldn't have a bed. ^ ^; And she thought his little sister was his daughter. Eek.
Ahaha. XD 'If it hadn't rained for for weeks, how was the ground slippery (not 'slippy')?'
It's too dry so it doesn't keep together? Maybe?
I also tried to shove as many things as I could in my little word count, so, there's a lot of questions asked by the readers, with no way of being able to give them any answers - probably explains why I went on for another thousand words, doesn't it?
So, the rewrite of it'll be interesting to see once it's done.
My boyfriend read over To Dream with me and just... omg, to how much stuff I have to change, especially after knowing about the colloquialisms and stuff. ;___; He also said that the 'I'm gonna be an apprentice!' was a bit out of the blue, but I agree with him, and I wanted to have her actually use magic somehow, but the word cooouuuunnnnt. DD:
And he said that I used 'but' far, far too much. XD;;