Life is good till you stop and think about it.
Yay for late night rants. I'm so pathetic.
Its spring break and I've been pretty much absorbing myself in Gaia Online, doing pet shop business and hosting events, as well as finally getting to do some art. My DA stalkers are happy atleast.
I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to sit and think.. if I'm not doing anything on Gaia I'm reading crappy Yugioh fanfiction or something of the like. Just so I won't have time to think, because when I do it always goes back to the same depressing subject... it always goes back to him and dammit... why won't it go away? Even when I read the stupid Seto Kaiba x Anzu fics, which I don't know why I even bother with, it still goes in that direction. Stupid.
Its crap like this that actually gets me to start writing in my lifejournal again. And hoping that I would see him write something that might explain some things to me. So far I've been disappointed. I don't want to talk to him, I can't. A part of me wants to and yet I just can't bring myself to. I'm even avoiding everything Zelda, because its just another reminder. When am I gonna get over this? (He's probably going to read this sooner or later also since he is on my friends list. Bah)
I've been avoiding writing about this because I've been afraid I'd come across as a whiner because I'm not even sure how to lock my posts anymore.. its been too long and I don't have the patience to figure it out or ask someone. Also, I'm afaid it might make him feel guilty, and that's not right... even though a deep dark part of me wants him to feel guilty.. horribly guilty. The Darkfeather part of me that's bent on vengance and would have incinerated him with a hyperbeam without a second thought. Scary.
So here I am.. spring break with nothing to do.. nowhere to go. Actually.. I could go see Hibbary... she offered to let me stay at her place and we'd go to the zoo. But she lives 7 hours away.. that's 7 hours of time with my own thoughts and I think I might just go insane considering where my mind has been going lately. So I'm not sure if I'm going to go or not. Hence why I need stuff to bury myself in for the next week. I have papers and junk that I can start if I really start to come up short.
Of course I am PMSing at the moment. Hm. Although I know that's not the only reason for my rant. Oh well. Deal with it. Screw the rules. I'd say 'I have money' but I don't.. so.
Mom tells me to trust in God... everyone tells me that there's other fish in the sea. I want to trust God.. I'm trying. As for other fish... I don't think anyone fully realizes my situation. Meeting guys doesn't exactly come easily for me. Am I so ugly and pathetic that I can only attract online men? *snort* So much for those fairytales of a prince coming along to sweep me off my feet. Or as I'd like to think.. my Seto Kaiba. HAR. I'll probably just end up like my favorite RP character, Nikki.
Its spring break and I've been pretty much absorbing myself in Gaia Online, doing pet shop business and hosting events, as well as finally getting to do some art. My DA stalkers are happy atleast.
I'm trying to keep myself busy so I don't have to sit and think.. if I'm not doing anything on Gaia I'm reading crappy Yugioh fanfiction or something of the like. Just so I won't have time to think, because when I do it always goes back to the same depressing subject... it always goes back to him and dammit... why won't it go away? Even when I read the stupid Seto Kaiba x Anzu fics, which I don't know why I even bother with, it still goes in that direction. Stupid.
Its crap like this that actually gets me to start writing in my lifejournal again. And hoping that I would see him write something that might explain some things to me. So far I've been disappointed. I don't want to talk to him, I can't. A part of me wants to and yet I just can't bring myself to. I'm even avoiding everything Zelda, because its just another reminder. When am I gonna get over this? (He's probably going to read this sooner or later also since he is on my friends list. Bah)
I've been avoiding writing about this because I've been afraid I'd come across as a whiner because I'm not even sure how to lock my posts anymore.. its been too long and I don't have the patience to figure it out or ask someone. Also, I'm afaid it might make him feel guilty, and that's not right... even though a deep dark part of me wants him to feel guilty.. horribly guilty. The Darkfeather part of me that's bent on vengance and would have incinerated him with a hyperbeam without a second thought. Scary.
So here I am.. spring break with nothing to do.. nowhere to go. Actually.. I could go see Hibbary... she offered to let me stay at her place and we'd go to the zoo. But she lives 7 hours away.. that's 7 hours of time with my own thoughts and I think I might just go insane considering where my mind has been going lately. So I'm not sure if I'm going to go or not. Hence why I need stuff to bury myself in for the next week. I have papers and junk that I can start if I really start to come up short.
Of course I am PMSing at the moment. Hm. Although I know that's not the only reason for my rant. Oh well. Deal with it. Screw the rules. I'd say 'I have money' but I don't.. so.
Mom tells me to trust in God... everyone tells me that there's other fish in the sea. I want to trust God.. I'm trying. As for other fish... I don't think anyone fully realizes my situation. Meeting guys doesn't exactly come easily for me. Am I so ugly and pathetic that I can only attract online men? *snort* So much for those fairytales of a prince coming along to sweep me off my feet. Or as I'd like to think.. my Seto Kaiba. HAR. I'll probably just end up like my favorite RP character, Nikki.