Dear Diary
This entry is dedicated to my charm bracelet. I have been working at putting together one. I want it to be about memories. Even though I worked hard at finding all the charms and putting them on the bracelet no one at the house asked me about the bracelet, even though they saw me working on it. I wanted to thus write about each of the charms on the bracelet and what they mean to me.
Chinese Coin When I was an infant an old woman lived next door. Her house burned to the ground and everything in it save for a button box that was a metal tin. The firefighter gave the button box to the Martyr. In the button box were these Chinese coins. I would sit for hours as a tot marveling at the magic of the Chinese coins and what a treasure they meant to me.
Happy Face I was not very happy as a child the Hallow Man was always angry. When I was moved to the San Francisco Bay area at a very early age I saw the bright yellow happy faces, and they made me smile. Every time I see that happy face smile I feel a little bit warmer inside.
Four Leaf Clover There was a man who had a boat across from my families yacht. He had a girlfriend she was pretty and blond and liked to do drugs a lot. One night she died of a drug overdose. The man was upset and gave me her bracelet. It was a four leaf clover. A little while later this older girl in her teens stole the bracelet. I saw her steal it. I told on her. I got the bracelet back. She beat me up for telling.
Ballerina I spent time learning ballet. I even rode my bike late at night to take extra ballet classes. I was so excited about the upcoming recital. I had worked really hard for years in learning to dance. The Martyr cancelled my performance because she decided to take a computer class the night of my recital. She would have only missed one night of the class, but it was too much for me to ask of her.
Rocking Horse There was this wooden horse ornament. I liked the wooden ornaments they gave me hope of an era when family meant something. When the Martyr left to be with a new husband and his family there was one ornament left behind. It was a rocking horse. It had lost it's mane and was a bit beat up, but I kept it with me. It reminded me of the wonder and hope of childhood dreams.
Key I found an old skeleton key. I am hoping that one day I can find the key out of this world and into something more then real. A key to secrets untold, and worlds unknown, and hope for a better future.
Humming Bird It was a curse by Legion;
Nightsoul tells a terrible tale
A dance in the garden where shadows
A humming bird swoops to sip the nectar
From the throats of pale flowers.
A corvine croaks his call
"Ruby red, Sapphire blue,
Memories Never Die,
They Die Anew"
It has been a long night
Eiffel Tower I had the money and I was going to live my dream of going to Paris. The Martyr who I was living with again, told me that I was foolish to go. That a single person alone traveling the world was stupid and foolish and that I should wait. A few years later the Martyr took off to Paris and brought me back a small Eiffel Tower. I no longer had the money to go to Paris.
Fleur De Lis I needed to get away. I took off to city of vampires. I took off to New Orleans. I loved that city for all its filth, and madness, and for all its glory. I made friends. I got a life. No one judged me. No one told me how to live. Then Hurricane Katrina took my world away on Monday, August 29 2005, My world ended. I was separated from friends I have never seen again. My relationship that I thought was a life long commitment slowly dissolved into nothingness. One of my closest friends betrayed me to a point that I will never forgive them. I have forgiven a lot of people for a lot of things that most people would never forgive for I thought I could forgive anything. I found out that I can't.
Seashell Back in Florida with the Martyr, and the Demon, and the Angel. I wanted to move out, restart my life, get on with my world. The Martyr bought a bigger house insisted we all stay there, I owe her as she bought the house for me. She made me stop law school, because when I missed the bus late at night once, she refused to ever get me from school again. I owe so much in college loans, I will never be able to pay them. I never wanted the bigger house. I just wanted to get on with my life. Now I am stuck in hell. I am stuck in Florida.
There is space for two more charms on my bracelet. This gives my hope that two things might still happen in my life to make me smile.