Why must I worry...
I haven't updated in quite sometime 3 months I think it has been. Yesterday was my 5 month anniversary with my baby Gatlin God knows I love him and never want to lose him and he knows this but there is one thing I worry about that I know I shouldnt and I feel so wrong for it but he says I can talk to him about everything but what if I do and what if I fuck things up so unless he reads it here I refuse to mention it to him. When we were together *the first time* we broke up and he was with someone else whom he loved more than me. I don't try to worry but the what if's always go over and over in my mind. What if she wants him back? what if he falls for her again? what if Im lost and alone?..I guess if it did happen I would only find myself being happy for him simply because what we have has changed me. You know I sound so fucking stupid right now but you know if this all did happen sure I would be heart broken and would have to move on but I know I would be happy for him how do you explain that? aren't you supposed to hate them if that happens?..God..I love him so much he's so far away and I know he would NEVER do anything to hurt me but..what if I just dont make him happy like she does or..*tears up*..I don't want to tell him whats wrong because I trust him and all I would be doing is breaking that barrier and making him think I dont trust him, WHAT AM I THINKING RIGHT NOW?!..I just know that things could change and its a possibility..but HE is who I want to marry HE is who I want to make the most beautiful baby with HE is who I want to hold me when Im broken and hurt..HE is who I want to love me..this is what causes problems me being a total and completely fucking stupid freaking out of my mind retard and ruining things..hey thats all Im good for according to some people..*sighs*..Im gone..