Sometimes Things Change
Sometimes things change, even when you don't want them to.
That's life. I've been recently having trouble about feelings changing about the way I feel about my best friend. I always knew this would happen. Especially once we moved in together. She and I have been friends since Jr. High and have had always been able to help the other see different sides of certain situations.
We are just at two very different points in our life right now and don't relate as well as we use to. She is recently single and dating. Exploring scenes that have interested her and meeting many new people. While part of me is jealous of this, it doesn't particularly bother me. What does bother me is that she has become so immersed that she doesn't care about anyone else but herself anymore. In that, she thinks that she does by buying things for me and my family due to the fact that she now has a job that provides her a wealth she has never had before and has no one to support but herself. It flashes me back to the way my parents handled everything. Money is a substitute for time, effort, and giving a damn.
I have two little kids now. A two year old little boy and a 6 month old little girl. I still try my damnedest to be there for her. She doesn't understand that I cannot just go out any time I want. I have to hire a sitter, be home at a certain time and have my phone on me at all times. Being slightly strapped for cash I can't throw money to host a party when I've already overdrawn my account to buy drinks, and spent almost $100 on x-mas presents for her. She doesn't understand that it takes me 3 hours to cook a meal from scratch because I have to stop and take a 2 year old to the potty or feed the baby and change butts. So when I do take time out of my day, instead of spending it with my children, to bake a cake or make a specific breakfast that is requested, after cleaning a kitchen that I've only cleaned all week, after running to the store to spend the last $20 I had from an overdraft from my checking most of which I had spent to take her out for her b-day (which wasn't enough because i couldn't afford to pay for a pool table for 3 hrs and drinks) to get supplies to bake a cake that was sarcastically mentioned (and then when I asked if she could run and get milk so I could make it because I had no car, declined) that I would really appreciate a little more appreciation with how difficult a seemingly meanial task is for her, which is tremendous task for me.
How do you tell your best friend, someone you consider a sister, who is in the process of "finding her true self" that if this is her "true self" that she is a selfish bitch and I really don't like it. I tend not to spend my time around people who act that way or treat other people's feelings as nothing, inturrupt people when they are talking and take no responsibility for their actions. If I do bring up that I don't appreciate how she is treating me, she throws it in my face that I am just jelous that I have kids and no life anymore. My children and husband are my life, and they drive me crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
So she keeps buying me things, out of guilt I suppose, but acting like I owe her in return (even after giving her money when I ask for something and her sticking it back in my pocket only to make a passive agressive comment about it later). I can't stand it. I want to scream. I already have enough to deal with then to give my energy to someone who doesn't appreciate it, who would rather talk to a mirror, and pretty much just uses me as a sounding board and I'm still not good enough.
Unfortunately, I have few other friends, and no one to vent to. I would almost rather spend time with my friend who started as my sitter, because we have more in common and actually listen to each other (but feel bad about it because my bestfriend and her do not get along). I don't know what to do. I suppose I just needed to vent.
.x.blessed be.x.
That's life. I've been recently having trouble about feelings changing about the way I feel about my best friend. I always knew this would happen. Especially once we moved in together. She and I have been friends since Jr. High and have had always been able to help the other see different sides of certain situations.
We are just at two very different points in our life right now and don't relate as well as we use to. She is recently single and dating. Exploring scenes that have interested her and meeting many new people. While part of me is jealous of this, it doesn't particularly bother me. What does bother me is that she has become so immersed that she doesn't care about anyone else but herself anymore. In that, she thinks that she does by buying things for me and my family due to the fact that she now has a job that provides her a wealth she has never had before and has no one to support but herself. It flashes me back to the way my parents handled everything. Money is a substitute for time, effort, and giving a damn.
I have two little kids now. A two year old little boy and a 6 month old little girl. I still try my damnedest to be there for her. She doesn't understand that I cannot just go out any time I want. I have to hire a sitter, be home at a certain time and have my phone on me at all times. Being slightly strapped for cash I can't throw money to host a party when I've already overdrawn my account to buy drinks, and spent almost $100 on x-mas presents for her. She doesn't understand that it takes me 3 hours to cook a meal from scratch because I have to stop and take a 2 year old to the potty or feed the baby and change butts. So when I do take time out of my day, instead of spending it with my children, to bake a cake or make a specific breakfast that is requested, after cleaning a kitchen that I've only cleaned all week, after running to the store to spend the last $20 I had from an overdraft from my checking most of which I had spent to take her out for her b-day (which wasn't enough because i couldn't afford to pay for a pool table for 3 hrs and drinks) to get supplies to bake a cake that was sarcastically mentioned (and then when I asked if she could run and get milk so I could make it because I had no car, declined) that I would really appreciate a little more appreciation with how difficult a seemingly meanial task is for her, which is tremendous task for me.
How do you tell your best friend, someone you consider a sister, who is in the process of "finding her true self" that if this is her "true self" that she is a selfish bitch and I really don't like it. I tend not to spend my time around people who act that way or treat other people's feelings as nothing, inturrupt people when they are talking and take no responsibility for their actions. If I do bring up that I don't appreciate how she is treating me, she throws it in my face that I am just jelous that I have kids and no life anymore. My children and husband are my life, and they drive me crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
So she keeps buying me things, out of guilt I suppose, but acting like I owe her in return (even after giving her money when I ask for something and her sticking it back in my pocket only to make a passive agressive comment about it later). I can't stand it. I want to scream. I already have enough to deal with then to give my energy to someone who doesn't appreciate it, who would rather talk to a mirror, and pretty much just uses me as a sounding board and I'm still not good enough.
Unfortunately, I have few other friends, and no one to vent to. I would almost rather spend time with my friend who started as my sitter, because we have more in common and actually listen to each other (but feel bad about it because my bestfriend and her do not get along). I don't know what to do. I suppose I just needed to vent.
.x.blessed be.x.