And what, might I ask, is my problem?
I'f I knew I woulden't have just wandered around the house aimlessly for teh last three hours. I'm feeling so totally alone that I decided it would be best to try and sort out some of my feelings here, having been unable to make much sence of things when they're all jumbeled in my head
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feel however you want whenever you want FUCK everyone else since the world ends when you die, the world ends when i die. as i see it, in my perception, life comes down to, in essence, two absolutes: choice, and perception. if you choose to percieve things, that is how you will see them. if your perception tells you to choose one way, then that is your choice. in the end? only your true friends will truely love and trust you for who/what you are as long as YOU are truthful and loving with them. you never will know for sure until you step out of that realm of uncertainty give it that random chance, say that random thing that you aren't quite sure of and see their reaction. if they are TRUE friends, then they will do nothing more than simply love you more for being you. in many aspects, yes, this is a paradox, but all i got out of what you wrote was you being trapped in a circle which is in a box. the circle being your confusion, the box being what's holding you to the same circulary way of thinking.
in my own personal thinking/opinion, which may or may not affect how you think and feel (it truely is up to you, damn what i think and feel, it is up to you afterall anyways) is a bit betrayed and hurt at the feeling that you may not have always been truthful with me in what you truely think. so it makes me question whether or not the clayton i've known for so many years is the true clayton, or was he just a person he wanted to be for my sake? and if the latter is in fact true, then it is the clayton i wish i would have never known. all i have wanted from you, for i can only speak for myself, is for you to be true, and truthful to me, and more importantly yourself. i never will turn you away for how or what you think about. ...you need to call me sometime, im me...something. i never know when you're up....as you and luke are on no set schedule....i on the other hand am always on a schedule. i have off every monday and wed. i work third shift so if you gonna call me, call before 2pm. anytime after 7:30am you can call. and i get up around 11-12 on mon/wed nights.(so technically from midnight-when i go to bed it's tues/thurs morning). i really do hope to hear from you soon....mayhaps you'll even respond to this very long comment.....me hopes
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