And what, might I ask, is my problem?
I'f I knew I woulden't have just wandered around the house aimlessly for teh last three hours. I'm feeling so totally alone that I decided it would be best to try and sort out some of my feelings here, having been unable to make much sence of things when they're all jumbeled in my head.
IF this dosen't make sence to you, that means you're not me.
I've been going about things in the entirely wrong way. I've been looking for some kind of soulmate, and worse yet i've been siting around waiting for said soulmate to come to me. So desperatly do I seek to be understood, in fact, that I no longer say what's on my mind, as do I say the thing that "should" be on my mind. I fear that I have become emotionally dead, not in all aspects mind you, but probally in the ones that matter. I just want to find someone that I can feel comfortable enough with that I won't have to reserve myself when speaking about me, what I think and what I feel. Can any of you think of a time where I was asked an opinion of some serious nature where I didn't avoid the querry? IF I did respond my stance was probally tempered by what I felt i should say rather then what I would say. I realise this sounds selfish to the extreme, but how am I supposed to feel? being the only one whos very extince I am sure of? I am the only I that I know of, the rest of you are, well, you. The people I see. The people who could love or hate me, depending on a series of questions and responces and/or actions and reactions. No one person in the world would set eyes on me and think to themselfs "what makes him work? what string of morals or ethics does he run his life by? Is he a good person doing good things? Or is he a waste, a drain on society as we know it?" I will tell you that I myself cannot honestly answer those questions, nor would I like to know.
But I must know. it eats at me every day. seeing other people miserable and happy and sad and content, perhaps singualarly or in unison, and I weap that I do not know where i belong, that every thing I do if probally subconsiousily inhibeted by "better judgement" or whatever you might call it. The last thing I want is to become persona non grata with you who are my friends, but at times I wonder what that means. Being friends that is. Its a kind of love, isn't it? feelings of affection and good will (usally) to your fellow whathaveyou and all that? Sometimes it boggles my mind how one thing can make perfect sence in one instant but seem absoultly no sence the next. I worry about what will become of me and if I can live up to what the world decides to toss at me. but mostly I'd enjoy feeling less alone. The problem isn't not aving people around, it's having people around that arn't listening to me as I try to stammer out what I'm feeling..
-rereads-
well thats certainly enough of that.
P.S. probally better if ya dun look into this to much but i saw everyone else had done one sooo..
You fit in with:
Spiritualism
Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.
40% spiritual.
60% reason-oriented.
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
IF this dosen't make sence to you, that means you're not me.
I've been going about things in the entirely wrong way. I've been looking for some kind of soulmate, and worse yet i've been siting around waiting for said soulmate to come to me. So desperatly do I seek to be understood, in fact, that I no longer say what's on my mind, as do I say the thing that "should" be on my mind. I fear that I have become emotionally dead, not in all aspects mind you, but probally in the ones that matter. I just want to find someone that I can feel comfortable enough with that I won't have to reserve myself when speaking about me, what I think and what I feel. Can any of you think of a time where I was asked an opinion of some serious nature where I didn't avoid the querry? IF I did respond my stance was probally tempered by what I felt i should say rather then what I would say. I realise this sounds selfish to the extreme, but how am I supposed to feel? being the only one whos very extince I am sure of? I am the only I that I know of, the rest of you are, well, you. The people I see. The people who could love or hate me, depending on a series of questions and responces and/or actions and reactions. No one person in the world would set eyes on me and think to themselfs "what makes him work? what string of morals or ethics does he run his life by? Is he a good person doing good things? Or is he a waste, a drain on society as we know it?" I will tell you that I myself cannot honestly answer those questions, nor would I like to know.
But I must know. it eats at me every day. seeing other people miserable and happy and sad and content, perhaps singualarly or in unison, and I weap that I do not know where i belong, that every thing I do if probally subconsiousily inhibeted by "better judgement" or whatever you might call it. The last thing I want is to become persona non grata with you who are my friends, but at times I wonder what that means. Being friends that is. Its a kind of love, isn't it? feelings of affection and good will (usally) to your fellow whathaveyou and all that? Sometimes it boggles my mind how one thing can make perfect sence in one instant but seem absoultly no sence the next. I worry about what will become of me and if I can live up to what the world decides to toss at me. but mostly I'd enjoy feeling less alone. The problem isn't not aving people around, it's having people around that arn't listening to me as I try to stammer out what I'm feeling..
-rereads-
well thats certainly enough of that.
P.S. probally better if ya dun look into this to much but i saw everyone else had done one sooo..
You fit in with:
Spiritualism
Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.
40% spiritual.
60% reason-oriented.
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com