havent updated in a while
well im updating, isnt it great. why is it when im acctually having fun,people automaticly think im high. do they think im incapable of being able to laugh if im not high. well your wrong. cause i can. and i did. has anyone ever made a list of things they want to get accompished before they turn a certain age. is it a good idea or will it just make you feel worse if you dont get them done. is it bad that i cling to things more than people. when i thought i was going to get an appartment with trishia, i clung to that. i wanted nothing but that. but now that i know im not going to get one with her im not clinging to that. amanda asked me if i wanted to get one with her, well i do, and now im clinging to that. i dont wanna start my life out alone. im to scared to do it. i want someone whos going through the same thing i am. i dont wanna be in it all by myself. is that a bad thing. does that mean im not as strong as i let on. i want to be strong but i know im not. i dont want to be out on my own and end up failing, then i'll be stuck there with no one. i dont know if that makes sense, but thats why im so scared. thats why i cling to people. and amanda thats why im clinging to you now. and if you change your mind just tell me. i'll get over it.
now lets talk about an asshole. i dont know why im gonna talk about it but i am. maybe its cause i find it funny or cause it upsets me i dont really know how it makes me feel but i guess thats a good thing. well he is apparently going out with the same bitch he cheated on me with. either that or she just thinks they are, she is crazy. but i wouldnt put it past him to do that. i think he is the kind of person who cant be alone. he found some one once that was the best person but he ruined that with dumbassness. now he keeps trying to make himself feel better and he keeps failing. yeah i still care about him for some stupid reason. i care alot, but i love to see him fail and get hurt. is that evil, i've been told that im evil. but anyway, he just keeps getting more behind in life. and i keep getting farther. sooner or later i wont even be able to hear him i'll be so far ahead of him, nothing he could do or say will be able to reach. i long for the day i can part from the feelings i have for him. i want it so much. my brain is getting stronger than my heart. my heart is saying "come on you love him" and my brain is saying " are you stupid, he's a fucking asshole, he ruined you. your just getting back on your feet and you wanna take that chance agian. no i wont let you, im stronger than i used to be. i couldnt stop you last time but i will this time." im starting to like my brian, its smart. i dont think i will stoop low enough to get back at that bitch. but i could always just use him to get things i want. that wouldnt be that bad.it could be good. thats if he had any money. poor bastard. but i dont even know if i will stoop that low. we shale see what path i choose. till another time. brittany
now lets talk about an asshole. i dont know why im gonna talk about it but i am. maybe its cause i find it funny or cause it upsets me i dont really know how it makes me feel but i guess thats a good thing. well he is apparently going out with the same bitch he cheated on me with. either that or she just thinks they are, she is crazy. but i wouldnt put it past him to do that. i think he is the kind of person who cant be alone. he found some one once that was the best person but he ruined that with dumbassness. now he keeps trying to make himself feel better and he keeps failing. yeah i still care about him for some stupid reason. i care alot, but i love to see him fail and get hurt. is that evil, i've been told that im evil. but anyway, he just keeps getting more behind in life. and i keep getting farther. sooner or later i wont even be able to hear him i'll be so far ahead of him, nothing he could do or say will be able to reach. i long for the day i can part from the feelings i have for him. i want it so much. my brain is getting stronger than my heart. my heart is saying "come on you love him" and my brain is saying " are you stupid, he's a fucking asshole, he ruined you. your just getting back on your feet and you wanna take that chance agian. no i wont let you, im stronger than i used to be. i couldnt stop you last time but i will this time." im starting to like my brian, its smart. i dont think i will stoop low enough to get back at that bitch. but i could always just use him to get things i want. that wouldnt be that bad.it could be good. thats if he had any money. poor bastard. but i dont even know if i will stoop that low. we shale see what path i choose. till another time. brittany