I'm Sad
Yes I'm sad indeed. Everyday I am home I'm sad. I think about my sister and her future or my mother and her present. It all makes me so very very sad. Then there is the house itself. Well no matter what I do I know I won't be happy. This year school is too much fr me to be able to keep the house upkept and especially cook meals every night. I have never done that but it is obvious that I need to because nobody else eiether will or can or has time. Sigh, Yeah everything about this current state of affairs is disgusting. It's saddening for me that whenever I am having fun I feel like I am shanking responsibility at school or at home.
I'm just thinking and my sister has no role models to look up to. Her mother, ha thats a joke. Her father, not the best at all. Then there is me. I work in school and come home and am lazy. I can't run my siblings and it is hard enough for me to pay tribute persay to my friends and to have any time for myself. It's all just splendid in a sense. A saddenings sense. Maybe I should give up everything to do more work. Keep the house decebtly clean. Keep the dishes all washed. Keep all of the clothes clean and folded. That would take alot of work and might be too much for me. I would also have to do the one thing taht I do the least which is cook dinner form scratch. Sigh, I feel like there is no way I can do everything that needs to be done and have any time for anything and at that I nwould need to work on the weekends too instead of taking that time off for fun like I've been doing. Hahahaha, who needs friends, who needs fun, who needs free time, who needs a self , who needs anything? We all do buit I guess now is the timer for me to start running without all of that. Everything seems lost all around me. Crumbling and chaos. There is no way out now. It's time for me to stop worrying about myself and start acting selfless at home. If I don't we may as well call it all a loist cause and I will survive only because of a selfishish attitude to help myself.
I'm just thinking and my sister has no role models to look up to. Her mother, ha thats a joke. Her father, not the best at all. Then there is me. I work in school and come home and am lazy. I can't run my siblings and it is hard enough for me to pay tribute persay to my friends and to have any time for myself. It's all just splendid in a sense. A saddenings sense. Maybe I should give up everything to do more work. Keep the house decebtly clean. Keep the dishes all washed. Keep all of the clothes clean and folded. That would take alot of work and might be too much for me. I would also have to do the one thing taht I do the least which is cook dinner form scratch. Sigh, I feel like there is no way I can do everything that needs to be done and have any time for anything and at that I nwould need to work on the weekends too instead of taking that time off for fun like I've been doing. Hahahaha, who needs friends, who needs fun, who needs free time, who needs a self , who needs anything? We all do buit I guess now is the timer for me to start running without all of that. Everything seems lost all around me. Crumbling and chaos. There is no way out now. It's time for me to stop worrying about myself and start acting selfless at home. If I don't we may as well call it all a loist cause and I will survive only because of a selfishish attitude to help myself.