October Rain, part 2
This is just a bit of self-indulgence, really, that crept up on me while my birthday was looming, a day after Tommy's . :) I should probably warn you that I'm not going to send Sauli packing - not really, anyway, and that there's a threesome ahead. One of these days I'll write something without. Again, thank you for the nice words about part 1.
He was in the middle of the second set of crunch-ups when his cell began to ring. For a second he flopped down, drawing deep, fast breaths. Then he turned onto his stomach and robbed to the shaggy carpet where the damn nuisance was lying.
“S’up,” he huffed, already annoyed. People who had his number knew what he was doing at this hour, and they damn-well knew not to disturb him while he was at it. As much as he loved being in shape, he hated getting there.
“Tommy’s gone,” Monte’s familiar voice rumbled.
“Gone where?” Adam asked stupidly, before he caught on. “You mean, he’s disappeared?” For a second, he was dumb-struck, but he recovered fast. As if Tommy would just run out on him! No way! “He’ll be away for the weekend,” he said to Monte. “Or jamming with a couple of guys, Dave or Ravi. Probably just forgot to tell somebody.”
“There’s a letter,” Monte said hesitantly. “Found it in his flat this morning. It was addressed to you, but I was worried, so I looked at it. He says he’s not coming back.”
“No,” Adam said, suddenly feeling as if somebody had pulled the rug from under his feet. “No, that’s not possible. You must have got that wrong.”
“He’s left, Adam. His things are gone. You need to start thinking about getting a new bass player, it’s only three weeks till the tour starts.”
“We won’t need a new bass player. We’re going to look for Tommy and we’re going to find him and get him back.” With that, Adam flipped his cell shut.
For a few minutes he remained lying on the carpet, still out of breath. After a while he got up, took a towel and wiped his face and arms dry. Only then did he really register the importance of Monte’s words, and with a yelled “Fuck!” he flung the wet towel on the tiles.
Sauli appeared in the open kitchen door. “Something wrong, Adam?”
“Tommy’s gone,” Adam said. His voice sounded strange in his own ears, flat and hollow.
Sauli blinked. Then he asked, “For good?”
Adam could only look at him quizzically. Sometimes Sauli’s English was a bit wonky.
Sauli tried again. “I mean, is he gone for good? Isn’t that the expression?”
Adam shook his head. “Yeah, that’s the expression, sure, but it kind of implies you’re happy to see him gone. I don’t think that’s what you wanted to say, right?”
Looking embarrassed, Sauli nodded. “What are you going to do now? This is a bad time for him to go, isn’t it, with the tour and all? You need a new bass player now. That won’t be easy.”
He stepped closer to Adam, about to hug him, but Adam pulled back, suddenly feeling unaccountably tetchy. “Why is that the first thing everybody thinks about - a new bass player? What about Tommy?”
Sauli crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively. “Tommy’s a grown-up. He makes his own decisions. You’re not responsible for him,” he remarked, sounding reasonable.
Sauli’s words only worked to make Adam’s irritation grow. “He’s my friend. Of course I am responsible for him. He wouldn’t have left like that if something wasn’t very, very wrong. I need to find him and see what’s going on.”
“But the tour…”
“Fuck the tour. There will be no tour without him. It wouldn’t be the same, and it wouldn’t work.”
Now Sauli looked upset, too. “It’s always about him, is it? Why is he so important? If you need someone to make out with on stage, you could always kiss me, you know.”
Adam stared at his lover, unable to believe he’d heard right. “Kiss you? On stage? I thought you wanted to be part of my life, Sauli. Not part of the show.”
Sauli swallowed, his eyes directed everywhere but at Adam. Adam saw a slight tremor run through him, and suddenly he had a rather bad feeling about where this was going.
Finally, Sauli looked back up at him. “How can I be part of your life when you’re thinking more about kissing Tommy than about kissing me,” he said quietly. His face was pale, his blue eyes shuttered, as he pushed past Adam and walked out of the kitchen.
“Sauli, no!” Adam exclaimed, reaching out to hold him back, but he only managed to knock over the Chinese vase Leila had given them when Sauli had moved in. And then he could only watch helplessly as it slowly tilted over and crashed to the floor where it shattered into a million pieces. He was still staring at them, emotions warring in his chest, when there was another crash as the front door slammed shut.
Not believing he’d heard right, Adam ran to the entrance hall, his feet crunching the shards to dust where he stepped on them, and tore the door open, just in time to see the tail end of Sauli’s rental disappear around the corner of his driveway. He took a few jogging steps after him, but soon realized the futility of it.
In a complete daze he walked back into the living room and slumped down on a chair. For a long time he sat there unmoving, his work-out clothes clinging to his clammy skin. The air condition was blowing down on him, mercilessly cold, but he was unable to drag as much as a blanket over his shivering body. Swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat, Adam closed his eyes. Tommy was gone. Tommy, who was like a brother to him… More than a brother, to be honest. And Sauli, his lover, had left him, too. Gone, both of them.
Two in one day--that’s a record, Lambert. Even for you.
From the kitchen he heard the clock ring eleven times. A bitter laugh escaped his throat. How was it that his life had turned into this total mess in a matter of mere minutes? And why did he feel as if it all was his own damn fault?
He was in the middle of the second set of crunch-ups when his cell began to ring. For a second he flopped down, drawing deep, fast breaths. Then he turned onto his stomach and robbed to the shaggy carpet where the damn nuisance was lying.
“S’up,” he huffed, already annoyed. People who had his number knew what he was doing at this hour, and they damn-well knew not to disturb him while he was at it. As much as he loved being in shape, he hated getting there.
“Tommy’s gone,” Monte’s familiar voice rumbled.
“Gone where?” Adam asked stupidly, before he caught on. “You mean, he’s disappeared?” For a second, he was dumb-struck, but he recovered fast. As if Tommy would just run out on him! No way! “He’ll be away for the weekend,” he said to Monte. “Or jamming with a couple of guys, Dave or Ravi. Probably just forgot to tell somebody.”
“There’s a letter,” Monte said hesitantly. “Found it in his flat this morning. It was addressed to you, but I was worried, so I looked at it. He says he’s not coming back.”
“No,” Adam said, suddenly feeling as if somebody had pulled the rug from under his feet. “No, that’s not possible. You must have got that wrong.”
“He’s left, Adam. His things are gone. You need to start thinking about getting a new bass player, it’s only three weeks till the tour starts.”
“We won’t need a new bass player. We’re going to look for Tommy and we’re going to find him and get him back.” With that, Adam flipped his cell shut.
For a few minutes he remained lying on the carpet, still out of breath. After a while he got up, took a towel and wiped his face and arms dry. Only then did he really register the importance of Monte’s words, and with a yelled “Fuck!” he flung the wet towel on the tiles.
Sauli appeared in the open kitchen door. “Something wrong, Adam?”
“Tommy’s gone,” Adam said. His voice sounded strange in his own ears, flat and hollow.
Sauli blinked. Then he asked, “For good?”
Adam could only look at him quizzically. Sometimes Sauli’s English was a bit wonky.
Sauli tried again. “I mean, is he gone for good? Isn’t that the expression?”
Adam shook his head. “Yeah, that’s the expression, sure, but it kind of implies you’re happy to see him gone. I don’t think that’s what you wanted to say, right?”
Looking embarrassed, Sauli nodded. “What are you going to do now? This is a bad time for him to go, isn’t it, with the tour and all? You need a new bass player now. That won’t be easy.”
He stepped closer to Adam, about to hug him, but Adam pulled back, suddenly feeling unaccountably tetchy. “Why is that the first thing everybody thinks about - a new bass player? What about Tommy?”
Sauli crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively. “Tommy’s a grown-up. He makes his own decisions. You’re not responsible for him,” he remarked, sounding reasonable.
Sauli’s words only worked to make Adam’s irritation grow. “He’s my friend. Of course I am responsible for him. He wouldn’t have left like that if something wasn’t very, very wrong. I need to find him and see what’s going on.”
“But the tour…”
“Fuck the tour. There will be no tour without him. It wouldn’t be the same, and it wouldn’t work.”
Now Sauli looked upset, too. “It’s always about him, is it? Why is he so important? If you need someone to make out with on stage, you could always kiss me, you know.”
Adam stared at his lover, unable to believe he’d heard right. “Kiss you? On stage? I thought you wanted to be part of my life, Sauli. Not part of the show.”
Sauli swallowed, his eyes directed everywhere but at Adam. Adam saw a slight tremor run through him, and suddenly he had a rather bad feeling about where this was going.
Finally, Sauli looked back up at him. “How can I be part of your life when you’re thinking more about kissing Tommy than about kissing me,” he said quietly. His face was pale, his blue eyes shuttered, as he pushed past Adam and walked out of the kitchen.
“Sauli, no!” Adam exclaimed, reaching out to hold him back, but he only managed to knock over the Chinese vase Leila had given them when Sauli had moved in. And then he could only watch helplessly as it slowly tilted over and crashed to the floor where it shattered into a million pieces. He was still staring at them, emotions warring in his chest, when there was another crash as the front door slammed shut.
Not believing he’d heard right, Adam ran to the entrance hall, his feet crunching the shards to dust where he stepped on them, and tore the door open, just in time to see the tail end of Sauli’s rental disappear around the corner of his driveway. He took a few jogging steps after him, but soon realized the futility of it.
In a complete daze he walked back into the living room and slumped down on a chair. For a long time he sat there unmoving, his work-out clothes clinging to his clammy skin. The air condition was blowing down on him, mercilessly cold, but he was unable to drag as much as a blanket over his shivering body. Swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat, Adam closed his eyes. Tommy was gone. Tommy, who was like a brother to him… More than a brother, to be honest. And Sauli, his lover, had left him, too. Gone, both of them.
Two in one day--that’s a record, Lambert. Even for you.
From the kitchen he heard the clock ring eleven times. A bitter laugh escaped his throat. How was it that his life had turned into this total mess in a matter of mere minutes? And why did he feel as if it all was his own damn fault?