October Rain, part 1
I haven't posted anything in so long I've forgotten how it works.
Tommy's birthday's looming, and he sits down and takes stock. (Unbeta'd, AU, of course, part 1 of 3)
October Rain
Part 1
17th of October. The new Justin Bieber CD came out today. Does that kid even need to work anymore? Probably not, and he isn’t yet twenty. And I? I’m going to be thirty tomorrow, and ten years from now I’m going to be forty, and people will remember me as the straight guy that got kissed by Adam Lambert. If they remember me at all.
So I’ve been a bit depressed lately. Adam says it’s normal, a reaction to turning thirty, but what does he know? He’s only twenty-nine. I’ve been listening to him whining about how he’s going to be fat, wrinkly, jaded and what-not for two years straight now, can’t he listen to me for once without throwing condescending, overbearing shit at me?
This? Is not normal. I know myself. I mean, okay, I worry about my looks, but I’m not the kind of guy to go looking for the first grey hair or shit, right? I don’t mind growing older, cause what’s the alternative? Yeah, exactly.
It’s just, beginning a new decade is something like New Year’s Eve - you look back, take stock, and you look ahead and try to gauge where you’re going. And that’s the problem. I feel like I’ve been on a roller-coaster for two years, and I’ve got all the loopings and crazy turns behind me, and the only thing left is just maybe a ride through a tunnel, and then the slow petering-out of the wagon.
Which is strange, ‘cause it’s not as if I got a lull ahead of me. The next tour’s about to start in a couple of weeks, and really, we’re busy like hell practicing moves and choreo. Adam’s voice is top and the array of songs covers everything from down and dirty rock to heart-breaking ballads. The expectations were so high, it was a bit daunting, I thought, and so much depended on this album. As it is, I was worried for nothing. Of course it was a success.
It was exhilarating to see the weights tumble from Adam’s chest during the first two weeks after the release when it very fast became obvious how much of a success this was going to be. Everybody is being dragged along with that maelstrom, spirits are flying high.
Adam’s so damn excited about the oncoming tour, which songs we’re going to perform, what we’re going to do on stage…
Do you know where this is heading? Yeah, I think you do. The damned kiss.
Monte thinks it’s funny. He keeps humming that Casablanca song at me. …You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss… Just a kiss. Yeah, right. Asshole. There’s no such thing as just a kiss. Not in my book. If it doesn’t mean a thing, it’s not a kiss, it’s gymnastics. And it’s no big secret that I’m so not into sports.
So, okay. I’ll admit it. It was more than fan service, on both our parts. I’ve enjoyed every second of our kisses, and more often than not they’ve left me breathless and with my knees weak and shaking. And it was pretty much obvious to me and everyone with eyes in their heads that Adam was affected, too. Looking back, it’s strange that we never went further. But Adam never asked, and I was too much of a ninny to ever offer, okay?
Now that Sauli’s in the picture it’s a moot point anyway. At least that’s what I thought. Turns out, there’s a considerable number of fans who, like, insist on Adam and I kissing. On the other hand, there’s a smaller number who want to have Sauli on stage for a kiss. How crazy is that? Sure, he’s a major part of Adam’s life, but he’s got nothing to do with all things music. Why don’t they just ask Adam to put a vid of him and Sauli fucking on fucking YouTube?
Adam, considerate guy that he is, has asked me, of course. About my opinion, and if I’d mind kissing him again. I think I gaped at him like my brain was AWOL or something. And when I’d gotten over the shock I told him it was his decision, and that I’d go along with everything.
*deep breath*
That was about a month ago. He hasn’t said anything yet and the waiting is slowly killing me. Sometimes I imagine what would have happened if I had told him the truth. Sure, Adam, of course you can kiss me. Anytime, love. I live and breathe for it. I dream about your kisses. When you touch me you set me on fire. I want your kisses, I want your hands grabbing my hair, yanking me toward you. I want to feel your hard cock pressed against mine. God, I want to fall on my knees before you and tongue you through the denim of your pants. I want to--
I sob and bury my face in my hands. Nothing like this is going to happen. Never ever again. It’s a lose/lose situation for me. The wagon’s going through a tunnel all right, but there’s no light at the end of it. Not for me.
Tommy's birthday's looming, and he sits down and takes stock. (Unbeta'd, AU, of course, part 1 of 3)
October Rain
Part 1
17th of October. The new Justin Bieber CD came out today. Does that kid even need to work anymore? Probably not, and he isn’t yet twenty. And I? I’m going to be thirty tomorrow, and ten years from now I’m going to be forty, and people will remember me as the straight guy that got kissed by Adam Lambert. If they remember me at all.
So I’ve been a bit depressed lately. Adam says it’s normal, a reaction to turning thirty, but what does he know? He’s only twenty-nine. I’ve been listening to him whining about how he’s going to be fat, wrinkly, jaded and what-not for two years straight now, can’t he listen to me for once without throwing condescending, overbearing shit at me?
This? Is not normal. I know myself. I mean, okay, I worry about my looks, but I’m not the kind of guy to go looking for the first grey hair or shit, right? I don’t mind growing older, cause what’s the alternative? Yeah, exactly.
It’s just, beginning a new decade is something like New Year’s Eve - you look back, take stock, and you look ahead and try to gauge where you’re going. And that’s the problem. I feel like I’ve been on a roller-coaster for two years, and I’ve got all the loopings and crazy turns behind me, and the only thing left is just maybe a ride through a tunnel, and then the slow petering-out of the wagon.
Which is strange, ‘cause it’s not as if I got a lull ahead of me. The next tour’s about to start in a couple of weeks, and really, we’re busy like hell practicing moves and choreo. Adam’s voice is top and the array of songs covers everything from down and dirty rock to heart-breaking ballads. The expectations were so high, it was a bit daunting, I thought, and so much depended on this album. As it is, I was worried for nothing. Of course it was a success.
It was exhilarating to see the weights tumble from Adam’s chest during the first two weeks after the release when it very fast became obvious how much of a success this was going to be. Everybody is being dragged along with that maelstrom, spirits are flying high.
Adam’s so damn excited about the oncoming tour, which songs we’re going to perform, what we’re going to do on stage…
Do you know where this is heading? Yeah, I think you do. The damned kiss.
Monte thinks it’s funny. He keeps humming that Casablanca song at me. …You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss… Just a kiss. Yeah, right. Asshole. There’s no such thing as just a kiss. Not in my book. If it doesn’t mean a thing, it’s not a kiss, it’s gymnastics. And it’s no big secret that I’m so not into sports.
So, okay. I’ll admit it. It was more than fan service, on both our parts. I’ve enjoyed every second of our kisses, and more often than not they’ve left me breathless and with my knees weak and shaking. And it was pretty much obvious to me and everyone with eyes in their heads that Adam was affected, too. Looking back, it’s strange that we never went further. But Adam never asked, and I was too much of a ninny to ever offer, okay?
Now that Sauli’s in the picture it’s a moot point anyway. At least that’s what I thought. Turns out, there’s a considerable number of fans who, like, insist on Adam and I kissing. On the other hand, there’s a smaller number who want to have Sauli on stage for a kiss. How crazy is that? Sure, he’s a major part of Adam’s life, but he’s got nothing to do with all things music. Why don’t they just ask Adam to put a vid of him and Sauli fucking on fucking YouTube?
Adam, considerate guy that he is, has asked me, of course. About my opinion, and if I’d mind kissing him again. I think I gaped at him like my brain was AWOL or something. And when I’d gotten over the shock I told him it was his decision, and that I’d go along with everything.
*deep breath*
That was about a month ago. He hasn’t said anything yet and the waiting is slowly killing me. Sometimes I imagine what would have happened if I had told him the truth. Sure, Adam, of course you can kiss me. Anytime, love. I live and breathe for it. I dream about your kisses. When you touch me you set me on fire. I want your kisses, I want your hands grabbing my hair, yanking me toward you. I want to feel your hard cock pressed against mine. God, I want to fall on my knees before you and tongue you through the denim of your pants. I want to--
I sob and bury my face in my hands. Nothing like this is going to happen. Never ever again. It’s a lose/lose situation for me. The wagon’s going through a tunnel all right, but there’s no light at the end of it. Not for me.