(no subject)
“Mr. Potter.”
“buggoff.” Harry groaned and turned around, pulling the covers over his head. He knew it was incredibly rude to do so, but he couldn’t stand the way his ‘lifeguards’ took over his life. He didn’t even need aurors to protect him and now here they were barging through his house as if they owned it.
“Mr. Potter, a parcel came for you. We’ve been unable to open it and inspect it,” the blonde haired auror said, pulling away the covers.
Harry looked up at him and suddenly despised his sand-like blond hair, even though it was not nearly as white as Draco’s hair, it kept reminding him of it. Harry looked away as soon as he realized he’d been staring, as memories overwhelmed his mind. Hopefully the auror would blame the awkward moment on the fact that he’d just awoken ‘the boy who lived’.
“I’m coming,” Harry said, forcing all thoughts of Draco out of his mind. He stepped out of bed and followed the auror without even bothering to get properly dressed, it was his house after all.
When Harry entered the kitchen and inhaled the addictive scent of fresh coffee, he saw the other three aurors sitting around the table eying him uncomfortably. As Harry walked through the kitchen to fetch himself a big mug of coffee, he saw a small parcel lying on the table. He didn’t quite know why the aurors bothered to wake him up for such a parcel. It wasn’t the first time he got a parcel, and it would certainly not be the last. Normally they’d just inspect it for spells and either destroy it or give it to him.
“Mr. Potter, were you expecting a parcel?” another auror, Clay, asked him.
“No,” Harry answered, sitting down on the only vacant chair around the table. “Why?”
“Well, we were about to destroy this package because we can’t open it. It’s heavily spelled, we can’t even look inside it, but then we read the note and decided it was up to you to decide whether or not to destroy it.” The auror explained, handing him a small piece of parchment.
Harry, who was just rubbing his eyes, sighed and took the parchment out of the aurors hands. He couldn’t believe they’d actually dragged him out of bed for something as ridicules as this. He opened the note, suddenly aware that all the eyes in the room were on him. He brought his mug up to his lips, but forgot to drink as he read the words on the parchment.
My most precious possession I give to the one I would give my life for instantly. Keep it safe, now that I cannot. Read it and know what I couldn’t tell you before.
Jusqu'à ce que nous rencontrons encore, mon amour.
Yours and yours I’ll forever be.
He reread the note several times, a lump blocking his throat. The eyes around him were staring at him expectantly, but he forgot that they were there. Without waiting another second he snatched the parcel from underneath their noses and marched out of the kitchen to find some privacy. But before he exited the kitchen he turned around and said:
“Not a word about this, to anyone.”
He continued his way to his bedroom, ignoring the loud complaints coming from the kitchen and slammed the door behind him, making sure they knew the room was off-limits for all of them.
Then he crawled back into bed and removed the wrappings eagerly. He’d known who had sent him the parcel from the moment he saw the note and recognized the handwriting. His stomach was twisting and turning nastily as his fingers touched the soft leather of what seemed to be some kind of diary. He opened it hesitantly and read the first page.
‘Property of D.A. Malfoy
“Oh god.” He muttered, taking in a deep breath.
He flipped through to the next page and the next. The tiny book was filled with curly words, only a few pages were blank at the end.
I’ll be your liquor
Bathing your soul in juice that’s pure
I’ll be your anchor
You’ll never leave these shores that cure
I’ve seen you suffer
I’ve seen you cry for days and days
So I’ll be your liquor
Demons will drown and float away
I’ll be your father
I’ll be your mother
I’ll be your lover
I’ll be yours
Harry covered his mouth with a trembling hand, while emotions washed over him like waves. He released a choked sob, as he read the words he’d longed to hear all these years. The curly words seemed to go on endlessly. Hurriedly Harry turned a few pages, searching for a reason Draco’d given this precious gift to him.
The inevitable is going to happen, at last. Foolishly I was hoping for it to never happen, so I wasn’t forced to make this decision. Only now I realize it was hopeless to begin with, now that I’m facing this dilemma.
You see, the Dark Lord is going after Harry again. We both remember what happened last time my Master decided to quit fooling around with muggles and plan a proper attack on the boy-who-has-more-luck-than-the-gods-above. Our attack failed due to a mysterious leak. I was lucky that time, for Harry was saved without much effort coming from me. All I had to do was pull a few strings and voila, Harry was safe.
It’s different now. Times have changed and I do not know whom to trust. There’s no one I will confide in, no one I trust enough to save Harry for me. Except for Pans, of course, but her loyalties lie with the Dark Lord. I cannot ask her to do this for me.
No, this time I’ll have to choose between the one I love and the one I swore my life to. The one who has my heart and soul and the one who owns my life and has my mind.
I know it’ll be hard to live with myself once my decision is made. No matter what my decision may be I will betray a part of myself either way. The question is; what do I value more. My believes or love. My blood or love. My promises or love. My life or love.
And yet the decision seems so simple. Save my soul, if my mind is corrupted by the false security of this insecure love I share with ‘the-boy-who-lived-to-mess-me-up’.
Let’s hope he’ll keep me safe when the Dark Lord finds me and closes his hands around my throat in cold fury, while his red eyes penetrate my mind and erase every memory Harry and I ever made. When he’ll slowly force life out of me, until I hang on one single thread. Then he’ll give me the kiss I fear so much and destroy every chance I have on an afterlife with Harry. Keep me safe then.
“Oh God,” Harry whispered again, realizing he never knew just how much Draco was giving up for him. The fact that he got the notebook was a bad sign. Keep me safe then. The words repeated themselves in his head endlessly. He turned another page, in search of more information.
He told me he loved me, finally! Now I know it was worth betraying every soul I betrayed. I was beginning to worry it was to him what I always tried to tell myself it was; just bottled up lust and the urge to posses that what one cannot have.
The words stopped there, the pages were blank. Harry traced the words with his fingers, slowly closing the little book. He put it in his pocket, saving what he hadn’t read for later and quickly grabbed some clean clothes out of his closet. Not bothering to comb his hair or brush his teeth he raced down the stairs, escaping his house and lifeguards.
--
Not much later he knocked on the wooden door in front of him, knowing it was extremely dangerous to come here, knowing his lifeguards would probably lock him up in his room on his return, but he didn’t care.
“Good morning, Severus.” he greeted the surprised man in the door opening.
“Potter, get in here.” Severus snarled as soon as the man had recovered from the shock. He grabbed Harry’s sweater and pulling him inside. “Are you out of your mind?”
“It’s important.” Harry explained, as Severus let go of his sweater and closed the door behind them.
“I don’t care how important it may be. You cannot come here! Write me a bloody note next time, for heaven’s sake!” Severus snapped grumpily.
“It’s about Dr-Malfoy.” Harry raised his voice slightly, knowing Severus would ignore him and continue his rage-rambling if he didn’t.
“What about him?” Severus asked suspiciously.
“Is he… alright?” Harry asked hesitantly.
“Potter, why would you care whether or not Mr. Malfoy is alright?”
Harry could see his old potion professor was getting annoyed with him. After he left school, he swore to kill the man, but then Severus saved him from Voldemort and things changed. Even now he sometimes wondered who the greasy haired man was truly loyal to.
“I need to know whether or not I should be concerned about his welfare.” Harry answered, fully realizing how utterly ridicules his answer was.
Severus rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Potter, I specifically remember that last time I checked you and Mr. Malfoy were enemies and wanted nothing but to see each other dead.”
“Well, we haven’t been quite the enemies we were for quite some time now. The thing is… I’m worried about him. I need to know if he’s in danger or not and I know you have full access to information like that.” Harry explained.
“Oh, don’t tell me it was really him who tainted the last attack on the ministry.” Severus groaned.
“I didn’t-“
“Potter, do I look like a fool?”
Harry shook his head frantically at this.
“He was a suspect, but from what I know he disappeared last night. I assume he has fled, now that I know he’s guilty,” Severus said, his dark eyes penetrating Harry’s to the point a shiver ran over Harry’s spine.
“Do you know where he could be?” Harry asked, despite the fact that he was getting very uncomfortable in the dark house.
“I haven’t been on a friendly basis with the Malfoy family since the last time I was accused of giving the light side information.” Severus answered.
“Alright, well. I’ll be going then.” Harry said, speeding towards the door.
But Severus stopped him. “Not that way, you utter fool. Through the fireplace.”
“Fireplaces are inspected every few seconds, Severus.” Harry argued.
“Not mine.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’m talking about my illegal one, upstairs.” Severus snapped, pointing to the stairway.
“Oh. Alright.” Harry mumbled, hastening to the stairs.
Severus followed him in a slower pace.
“You better be worth it.”
Harry heard Severus sneer softly behind him, but whether he was talking about him being worthy of Draco or the fireplace he didn’t know.
They made their way upstairs to an old, dusty little fireplace in the dark attic. Chills ran over Harry’s arms as he looked around. He wouldn’t be surprised if the place was home to a few ghosts or bats. A distant sound of dripping water formed a continuous flow of music in the room.
Harry walked up to the fireplace in search for the floo powder when he heard a large gasp behind him. He turned around in a swift move. Severus was still standing in the doorway with an uncharacteristic soft grin on his face, next to him pale hair radiated in the darkness.
~TBC~
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