(no subject)
Title: Violent Silence, Sequel to Endless Infatuation
Author: Noirissime
Genre: Drama
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Summary: When the world forbids you to be together irrational passion leads to irrational actions whenever a moment can be stolen. It continues...
Words: 4,462
Disclaimer: not mine.
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I wish I could tell you a passionate love story. I wish I could tell you I fell in love with him the very moment I looked into his bright green eyes. That it was romantic as hell when he first kissed me. That his love was like a bright light in these dark times, but it wasn’t. It still isn’t.
I learned to love him through hatred. I don’t know how the things changed. I didn’t even want them to change. To Love in these times is dangerous. It takes over your mind and leaves you incapable of thinking rationally.If you would have asked me what love was a year ago, I would have told you that it’s nothing but a mere fairytale. My theory was that, what people called love, started with a slight affection for someone, mixed with animalistic lust. Which is fine, unless you allow your mind to mess with you. Love wasn’t a thing or a feeling to me. It was for the weak minded who let their own fantasy in control of their ratio. They allowed their own mind to drug them into believing that what they felt was love.To say that I was forced to reconsider that theory is an understatement. It slapped me in the face and ran over me like a train. Now I know that I just didn’t know what love was, then and that’s probably why it took me so long to realize what was going on in my head, to finally acknowledge the fact that I am in love. But I might be too late, because I don’t know when, if, I’ll see him again.
I know exactly what my father would say if he ever reads this.
‘What am I going to tell our Dark Lord? That an illusion corrupted my son’s mind? Snap out of it, Dragon. We all know that the powerless made up the concept of loving to claim that their life has meaning after all.’
Or maybe he would just laugh at me, as if I told him one of those cruel jokes he likes so much.
The truth is, to be a Death Eater in love with ‘The Boy Who Lived’ is to be in constant danger. It’s a rollercoaster bound to crash and I can feel the speed increasing. I need to tell him, soon, before it’s too late and he’ll never know.
D.M.
---
“Pansy.” Draco closed his notebook slowly, when he saw her standing in the doorway.
She looked at him, leaning casually against the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. “Sometimes I wonder what you write in that,” she said, looking at the notebook beneath his hands.
“Thoughts,” Draco answered, smiling slightly. “Private thoughts.”
She nodded, obviously not satisfied with the answer he had given her. “The Dark Lord wants to talk to you about the failed attack on the ministry,” she said, pushing herself away from the doorpost and walking over to his desk. “He thinks there’s a spy in our higher ranks.”
“I came to the same conclusion.” Draco nodded, concealing the horror and fear he was feeling within. “Tell him I’ll be there in a minute.”
She nodded again and exited the room, but turned around before she exited the chamber. “Draco, can we talk tonight?” she asked.
“Of course, gorgeous.” He flashed her a smile before she disappeared out of view.
When he was sure she was gone he cast a reducio charm on the leather notebook and put it in his pocket, beside his wand. He then stood up and swept out of his room heading for the Dark Lord’s office. He didn’t have to walk far; his rooms were quite close to the Dark Lord’s on contrary to most of the other Death Eaters.
He took a moment in front of the massive wooden doors that would lead him into the snake’s pit of despair, as they all called it. Which wasn’t a bad description of the room, considering that the word ‘crucio’ was probably used as much as the word ‘I’.
When he was sure all his emotions were hidden properly and his memories and thoughts locked away, he knocked twice and opened the door.
“Ah, my young Malfoy,” the Dark Lord said, as he looked up and saw Draco standing in the doorway.
“My Lord.” Draco bowed, before entering the room. “You requested my presence?”
Voldemort nodded in response to his bow. “Yes,” he said. “I believe you’ve read the reports on our attack?”
“I have, my Lord,” Draco answered, walking over to Voldemort’s desk. He took a seat in one of the vacant chairs, knowing Voldemort he would be here quite a while.
“And what is your opinion?” Voldemort asked, entwining his fingers.
“It was a complete disaster. There’s a leak in our system. They couldn’t have defeated us, unless they knew the attack was going to be this massive,” Draco answered. “We were overpowered by them, because they were prepared.”
Voldemort began to study his nails. “Yes, weren’t you caught just two weeks ago?”
Draco’s heart skipped a beat, but he managed to stay calm. “I was, my Lord.”
“It’s still a mystery to me how you managed to get yourself caught.” Voldemort continued, biting his nails casually.
“I was reckless, My Lord. It was a very foolish mistake, which I’m very ashamed of. I will assure you it won’t happen again,” Draco said, realizing that they suspected him.
“Draco, I put all my servants under veritaserum already, except for you and a few others,” Voldemort said calmly. “Now I trust that you will not be silent when it’s your turn tomorrow morning.” Voldemort stood suddenly, gesturing Draco to come closer.
Draco stood and walked over to Voldemorts desk, without shifting his gaze away from the blood-red eyes. “I have no secrets for you, My Lord.”
Voldemort smirked satisfied and reached out, sliding one of his cold fingers down Draco’s chin. “Tell me, what you would do to the traitor.”
Draco swallowed uncomfortably. “I would hunt the wizard down and make sure he regrets to have messed with me,” Draco answered.
“Gone on.” Voldemort urged. His cold fingers seemed to be reaching into Draco’s mind, leaving Draco unable to think clearly.
“I would torture him until he screams for salvation. Then I would make sure his salvation will never come.” Draco suddenly felt disgusted by himself, not because of what he was saying, but because of what he had done. He had betrayed his own kind, his own blood. There was no excuse good enough, no dept big enough, no spell strong enough to undo what he did. He had saved Harry, yes, but by doing so he’d dug his own grave.
A cruel smile played on Voldemort’s lips. “By taking away his salvation, I assume you’re talking about giving him the dark kiss.”
“Destination Darkness, My Lord.” He smirked, knowing this description would amuse Voldemort and it did. Normally he would swell up with pride whenever he managed to make the Dark Lord laugh, but now the image sickened him.
“I’ll make sure to remember that, my Draco.” Voldemort hissed, almost affectionately.
Draco felt the trapped feeling drip away slowly and knew that Voldemort had given up his attempts to get into his head, but he remained guarded. Voldemort was a snake after all.
“I know you’ll understand that you, too, have to stand before me laying your secrets bare. You are dismissed.” Voldemort said, sitting down again and waving his hand slightly.
Draco knew that the Dark Lord had either grown bored with his presence or had other things on his mind. He looked at the grayish hand and suddenly felt like blowing it off, to hurt the man who hurt so many. The aggressive thought startled him; never had he experienced such thoughts for the man he admired like a father before. Nor did he know where they came from. Did they not share the same values? Did they not fight side by side through every attack?
He walked to the door and almost forgot to bow before he left, but habit reminded him for the gesture. As he closed the door behind him he realized in how much trouble he was. He would not make it through tomorrow, if he decided to stay here. There were ways of course, to sabotage the veritaserum. He was quite the Potion genius himself.
Deep in thought he almost bumped into Pansy, who, without warning, dragged him into his chambers.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” she demanded, after casting a silencing spell.
“About what?” Draco asked, pulling his arm away from her.
Draco saw Pansy hesitated to imply such a big accusation, but hoping for her to let it go was (***hopeless) “Maybe you would like to tell me what you were doing in the ministry,” she said.
Draco walked over to a small table to pour some wine for them both, while his heart began to beat uncomfortably hard. He knew that keeping secrets from Pansy was as impossible as surviving the Death Curse, it only happened once in a century. “I was captured.” he tried.
But when he turned around he could see Pansy shaking her head and smiling slightly. “You’re far too smart to get caught that easily, besides you’ve got that ‘I-know-something-you-don’t-know’ look on your face and you’ve had it quite some time now.”
“I made a mistake,” he said.
“You don’t make mistakes. Good thing you brought that notebook with you. They searched your room while you were gone,” she said, taking her wine from him nodding her ‘thank you’.
Draco almost dropped his wine and wondered how Pansy could stay this calm. “They suspect…”
“Oh yes, and they’ll know for sure tomorrow morning. Won’t they?” Pansy took a big sip of her wine halfway through her sentence, letting Draco know she wasn’t all that comfortable with her knowledge.
“What will you do?” Draco asked, knowing there was nothing left to tell. Pansy already knew it was him and he’d confirmed it long ago.
“What any good friend would do. Help you to get out of this mess and obliviate myself afterwards, so the Dark Lord won’t blame me when he slips into my mind and discovers I helped his precious, but bad bad dragon to escape his claws.” Pansy answered lightly, but Draco didn’t miss her slight quivering.
“Are you saying I should run?” Draco asked, sitting down across from the girl.
“Err. No, I’m going to force you to run, love.” Pansy corrected him with a pained smile.
“You can’t, I’m sure there are other ways-“
“No, Draco. That would be too dangerous for the both of us, besides I might be your best friend, but I’m also a Death Eater. You’re not only a danger to yourself, but also to us. I can’t hide my thoughts from the Dark Lord like you can. Even if I obliviate myself over and over again, your secrets aren’t safe with me. You’re not safe here,” Pansy said, dropping her gaze to her lap.
“Where should I go then?” Draco asked angrily.
“Anywhere but here for now. As long as you don’t join the light side.” Pansy smiled ignoring Draco’s anger, tracing the edge of her glass with her finger.
“You know damn well that I’ll never join the light side. They don’t share my views. They’re complete fools, those muggle suckers.” Draco spat angrily.
But Pansy was shaking her head again. “Draco,” she smirked and walked over to where he was sitting. As she kneeled in front of him and took his head in her hands she continued: “How many times do I have to tell you. In war you should fight for the ones you love. If you fight only for what you believe you will never find the same willpower from within to make it through the darker days.”
Draco rolled his eyes. “You’re far too dreamy to be a Death Eater. Who are you fighting for then?”
“I was fighting for you, Blaise and my parents, but well… There’s not much left to fight for now, is there?” Draco saw the pained look she was trying to hide and felt a pang of guilt. He’d been so swallowed up by the love he felt for Harry that he completely forgot about Pansy. Pansy needed him too; Pansy had been there beside him long before Harry had.
“Why are you still fighting?” Draco asked.
“For them I guess and to take revenge.” She answered, her hands falling from his face into her lap.
“Won’t you come with me? You don’t belong in an army.”
He had no idea why he was asking her this. He would never be able to give her what she deserved. She’d always been a valuable friend, but that was all she would ever be.
“Nor do I belong at your side, Draco.” She smiled. Draco could see she appreciated the gesture. “I’m a big girl now. I can take care of myself.”
“I know.” Draco answered, sipping his wine while the wineglass trembled in his fingers.
“But you, you Draco don’t belong here anymore.” Pansy said, somewhat harshly.
Draco’s eyes snapped down to hers. “I do belong here, Pansy.”
“No, you don’t. Damn it, Draco! I’ve felt you slowly slipping away from us for almost a year now. Who is it that did this to you? Who took you from us? Who won’t give you back?” she was almost crying no, shoving his knee painfully in frustration.
“I can’t tell you.”
Pansy looked at him defeated and heartbroken. “Then go. Go to her and be happy.”
“I can’t go to him.” Draco answered; she was clutching his arms as if she were afraid he might actually listen to her. “I can’t get in contact with him, besides it’s too dangerous for the both of us.”
Pansy’s eyes widened slightly. “How long has this been going on?”
“Almost two years.”
At this Pansy frowned. “That long? But that’s before you left school, is it someone from school?”
“Yes.” He confessed, feeling as if he had betrayed her.
There was a long silence. Draco knew Pansy was trying to figure out who it was; he could practically hear her think.
“I used to have endless fantasies about sleeping with the enemy. I imagine it to be very exciting, maybe a bit too exciting for me,” she suddenly said, smiling slightly.
“It is. It gives you the biggest kick you can imagine.” Draco answered honestly.
She shoved him away playfully. “Don’t tempt me. I don’t want to be falling in the same mess.”
They both laughed, knowing it would be the last time. Knowing that it would be a very long time before they saw each other again, if not ever again.
“I will miss you, Draco,” Pansy said, when their laughter had faded away.
“I will miss you too.”
“Now go and pack your bags.”
--
Run off to part two