(no subject)
I want to document this here before the feeling goes away, but after a year or so, I finally am starting to feel like myself again. The pre-surgery, pre-stress, pre-uncertain self that was happy, confident, quirky, silly, and just content to be myself. Today was the day I told my therapist I am ready to stop coming in weekly and it felt really good. Not that I disliked therapy, but that I'm ready to go forward on my own.
I remember when I started attending and not really feeling sure that this was the right thing, and that week after week I wasn't sure I was doing any more than just blabbering about my stresses and insecurities once a week. But I guess after months of it, some of the lessons stuck. Rather than consciously telling myself to stop, breathe, think, relax, I just do that naturally now as if it was engrained or planted in my head, Inception style. I have also found myself thinking more critically about the language in which I use to describe my feelings. Instead of proclaiming that I am sad, depressed, or low, I tell myself I feel down. That subtle difference between a statement of permanence and a temporary emotion makes all the difference in how I perceive myself.
I think I will miss going to therapy weekly as a place to vent, but I look forward to also having my Tuesday nights back and seeing how I hopefully use it productively, be it with a hobby or new weekly commitment to better myself. I'm glad summer seems to be starting on a high note. It took this long to get here.
I remember when I started attending and not really feeling sure that this was the right thing, and that week after week I wasn't sure I was doing any more than just blabbering about my stresses and insecurities once a week. But I guess after months of it, some of the lessons stuck. Rather than consciously telling myself to stop, breathe, think, relax, I just do that naturally now as if it was engrained or planted in my head, Inception style. I have also found myself thinking more critically about the language in which I use to describe my feelings. Instead of proclaiming that I am sad, depressed, or low, I tell myself I feel down. That subtle difference between a statement of permanence and a temporary emotion makes all the difference in how I perceive myself.
I think I will miss going to therapy weekly as a place to vent, but I look forward to also having my Tuesday nights back and seeing how I hopefully use it productively, be it with a hobby or new weekly commitment to better myself. I'm glad summer seems to be starting on a high note. It took this long to get here.