Don't mind me, I'm just stupid sometimes
I need to take this moment to make a public apology to all the people, especially my family and close friends, that I've been short and bitchy to recently. I don't mean to be. I don't intend to snipe or lash out, and I don't realize I'm going to until I've already done it, and when that happens I'm usually too embarrassed and ashamed of myself to apologize on the spot. Be assured that it's got nothing to do with you, anything you've said or done. It's just something going on inside of me that I'm trying to get under control and haven't been too successful at yet. I'm sorry.
I've just had so much shit to deal with the past couple months, and even though I'm trying to deal and trying to stay positive, inside I can't help still feeling really angry and sad and all sorts of other negative things that are just consistantly pullling me down. There are things in my head that scare me sometimes; I feel like I've hardly slept in a month, and even when I do I just keep having nightmares or at least disturbing dreams that keep bringing back what's bothering me. And even though the last thing I want to do is go to bed and be faced with everything when it's dark and quiet and that's all there is to think of, all I want to do is sleep. Only when I go to bed and am practically begging whoever's listening to let me go to sleep, everything comes at me in a rush and all I want to do is bury my head under the covers and cry, or just not have to get up in the morning ever again.
And I don't know what's wrong with me. I've felt this way before but not like this. I always knew when I felt this way before that it would get better but I don't seem to know that this time. So I'm sorry to everyone for everything and I hope you'll just be patient while I deal with myself.
I've just had so much shit to deal with the past couple months, and even though I'm trying to deal and trying to stay positive, inside I can't help still feeling really angry and sad and all sorts of other negative things that are just consistantly pullling me down. There are things in my head that scare me sometimes; I feel like I've hardly slept in a month, and even when I do I just keep having nightmares or at least disturbing dreams that keep bringing back what's bothering me. And even though the last thing I want to do is go to bed and be faced with everything when it's dark and quiet and that's all there is to think of, all I want to do is sleep. Only when I go to bed and am practically begging whoever's listening to let me go to sleep, everything comes at me in a rush and all I want to do is bury my head under the covers and cry, or just not have to get up in the morning ever again.
And I don't know what's wrong with me. I've felt this way before but not like this. I always knew when I felt this way before that it would get better but I don't seem to know that this time. So I'm sorry to everyone for everything and I hope you'll just be patient while I deal with myself.