goodness
so I guess I figured that with 4 jobs i would be too busy to be lonely. guess i wasn't thinkin straight.
i just don't know what it is. i feel lost again. for a while it was all fun and games and shit. i suppose i figured that part would last longer. it just feels like time is flying past and it isnt waitin on me. and i still have no idea what i want to do with this so-called life of mine. i get so ansty/ itchy when i think about livin a small town life though. i couldnt do it. buti dont know where to go from here.
it's not bad when whit's around - cuz we're completely open with each other - it just sucks being here alone with nothing to do. and we love it when ppl just stop over and hang out, but even when theres tons of ppl here i just wanna curl up in a ball and be invisble.
and i thought makin personal changes would make me feel better too - but i got a perm, hair cut, (highlights are next) and even a tattoo - and for some reason i thought those things would kinda help me maybe get motoviated or sumthin - i dont know. but they didnt. the tat's awesome, i love it - and im starting to be able to control the fro, but something is still missing. i've said i'm not into the whole college thing cuz the whole "lets go to a party and get shitfaced and do really stupid shit" just doesnt appeal to me - but now i feel like im missing out on all that.
i dont know - i just hate feeling hopeless - and thats all i've been lately.
fuck - off to another job - bart's this mornin stapling papers for four hours straight - now larry's - at least maybe i'll have a good laugh there. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
'alwayz
i just don't know what it is. i feel lost again. for a while it was all fun and games and shit. i suppose i figured that part would last longer. it just feels like time is flying past and it isnt waitin on me. and i still have no idea what i want to do with this so-called life of mine. i get so ansty/ itchy when i think about livin a small town life though. i couldnt do it. buti dont know where to go from here.
it's not bad when whit's around - cuz we're completely open with each other - it just sucks being here alone with nothing to do. and we love it when ppl just stop over and hang out, but even when theres tons of ppl here i just wanna curl up in a ball and be invisble.
and i thought makin personal changes would make me feel better too - but i got a perm, hair cut, (highlights are next) and even a tattoo - and for some reason i thought those things would kinda help me maybe get motoviated or sumthin - i dont know. but they didnt. the tat's awesome, i love it - and im starting to be able to control the fro, but something is still missing. i've said i'm not into the whole college thing cuz the whole "lets go to a party and get shitfaced and do really stupid shit" just doesnt appeal to me - but now i feel like im missing out on all that.
i dont know - i just hate feeling hopeless - and thats all i've been lately.
fuck - off to another job - bart's this mornin stapling papers for four hours straight - now larry's - at least maybe i'll have a good laugh there. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
'alwayz