About the Big Block
Loki sent me some awful dreams back in October.
The dreams hinted at sexual abuse, but were symbolic, as far as I know.
The setting where my childhood in this life, and a relative I loved very much.
The dreams made me do some major flailing and angsting, because I was afraid at first that they were literal, and that I had repressed memories.
Bridget did a couple of rune readings for me, and she thought the dreams were symbolic and past life related.
Unfortunately I was panicky and not clear-headed, so I kept angsting until Loki found it necessary to jump Bridget, take her over and talk to me directly.
He told me that the dreams drew a block up from my subconscious, so He could start working on it.
He said the dreams were symbolic and past life related.
It just didn’t make any sense that it could have happened in this one, without even my mum noticing anything different about me, and me having absolutely no memory of it.
So I guess the important part about the dreams where the emotions they created, which were quite intense.
I’ve just read through some old chats and journal notes, and I see that I thought the Big Block was gone. Not so. It’s still there, over three months later, but it’s close to being broken through. I realised that my misunderstanding was due to having misread what Loki said about the block; I thought He had said that "It is a big one. It had to go.", while He had said "It has to go".
So, I know that the core of the Big Block is traumatic memories of sexual abuse of some kind.
I don’t know all that much about how things work with past life memories, but I thought that if there was something really traumatic that it would affect you in this life somehow?
I asked how I would remember these memories, and Loki said it would be through dreams.
I had some really grotesque dreams last night.
There were several rather disgusting scenes where I kept pulling some kind of incredibly long organic ropes out of my mouth, with lumps on them, and they all had a large black lump at the end with tendrils/roots in them. These “ropes” became more and more grotesque, too, until they were strings of small, alive, misshapen entities, with teeth and claws and thorns. And it hurt pulling them out; I could clearly feel dozens of stabbing pains inside my torso as I pulled them out.
Very bizarre - I’m not quite sure how to interpret it.