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After I had begun doing meditation visualisations trying to interact with Loki on demi planes, I was told that I would be restricted from any other contact with Himself for a time. Loki also said that when the separation ended, we’d be closer to each other and have a stronger bond.
So, no more dream visits, or early morning cuddles and talks.
Since I can’t “hear”, “see”, “feel” or sense Loki’s presence when I’m awake*, this meant that the only contact I could have with Loki, was trying to do meditation visualisations. If I wanted to ask Him something, He wanted me to ask Him directly while being with Him on a demi plane, instead of asking via another Loki wife.
The first visualisation I did where I thought I was chatting with the Fool from the Tarot, but had actually chatted with Loki in disguise on a demi plane, went well.
The second visualisation was on Loki as the Magician from the Tarot. There was a shapeshifting that Loki did, suddenly changing from the Magician to feral!Loki, which seemed to come from Himself and not me. I wasn’t really able to manage to chat with Loki, though. I was hampered by the knowledge that it was actually Loki, and not just an imaginary person or character. How can I just imagine a conversation with a real god? I have no idea what He’d say!
Through a couple of other wives, Loki told me that I should just try to relax and have fun, and use my imagination to create places for us to meet.
I should just imagine chatting with Him and not care or worry if Loki’s part of the chat came from me or Him; the point was that it was an exercise that would strengthen my abilities and our bond.
So, I could talk with Loki about trivial and silly things, but not anything serious, which was very frustrating. I didn’t feel that I could yet trust what I “heard” enough, when I needed to really know something.
Now, mid-winter is never the best time of the year for me, mood-wise.
Being restricted to only have contact with Loki through meditations was wearing me down. It was very rare that the visualisations felt like anything more than daydreams. I couldn’t really see or hear, it was like trying to imagining what it would be like if I could. There were no other senses, like smell or taste or touch.
I could imagine Loki holding me, but I couldn’t feel it, like I can in hypnagogia.
So, I got really depressed, to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed on the worst day.
I begged Loki to come and hold me, just once, just for a little while.
After a week of being depressed, I awoke one morning and felt Loki snuggling with me. “Under the circumstances,” He said. It made me really happy, and made me relax on every level. He also said: “You need a break,” which I wondered about when I awoke.
Being held by Loki again helped a lot; it really helped lift my mood.
When Loki says something, it can often mean more than one thing.
I thought “you need a break” meant “break” as in “pause or rest”. I tried to do a rune reading, but I find it very difficult to do readings on myself. So I asked Bridget for help. She got “break” as in “breakthrough”, that is: breaking through the Big Block.
So, having the block in mind, “under the circumstances could both mean “since you’re depressed” and “before the shit hits the fan”.
*I have begun to be able to sense His presence as warmth, though.