Tea
So ever since I moved. I have this tradition of going to tea with everyone.
Mainly Codie... lol
Codie calls me late at night and wants to go for tea, so of course I drive to Burnaby to go for tea with her only to be harassed by two men(boys) and ignored by the one who wants to "talk" She completely ignores the fact I have to work at 7 and doesnt talk, Thats fine maybe she just needed company but it still was annoying and she didnt even listen to a word I had to say, What ever.
Lately she has been oversharing everything. She will tell people about my personal life that i dont tell anyone and not even notice that she is doing it. It is way too much for my heart. Even people in Nanaimo don't know half the stuff she tells random people. She told Curtis that I would never go out with him because he is an alcoholic... True but he didn't have to know that is why or that I have a history of alcoholism in my family. She told Dan about me reduction and she told him about my dad. THANK YOU CODIE. Wow.
So back to last night. I feel completely shitty because these men decide they want to belittle me and im all alone with nothing to say and not knowing how to defend myself. Finally sinks in as i drive home that yes I am inadequate. Codie says these things that seem like nothing in passing but they get to you. Soo hard for my heart to handle.
When I get home I feel like I should die. I burn over and over until there is no more. Still the feeling doesnt fade. Until I talk to Brian.
Am I bad as sex, Honestly?
-No I very much enjoy it with you... Then again I am pretty sure our sex life is different than yours with other guys... What brought this on?
Lack of confidence, Lack of sex life.
-Ah... No no!! You are very good in bed, then again youare comfortable with me in ways you aren't with others!
Very True
-Needing sex or something?
No just feeling down
-Why?
Social Anxieties are back
- Oh... Shouldnt be... You were getting or are so much more confident then you once were!
Some days yea, but I thinkmy depression is back. Its such an easy trigger lately. Just gets to me that I can't snap out of it
-Ah, I understand! But look at it this was... Your body is the way you want it! You have friends, you are living the way you want and not controlled by anyone. You are sexy and have an amazing personality, you shouldnt letsocial anxiety get to you cause you have so much to offer!
I guess it seems like that but all those things are my major problems as of late. I hate my body, I have 1 neurotic friend and never enough money for bills. I just can'twait to move and hope it all gets better.
The reason I ask about the sex is cause of my body and also i guess my confidence goes hand in hand with it.
-What about your body?
My stomach is not nice and my arms are big,
-Okay? I am a bit of an ass when it comes to bad arms.. and you do not have bad arms.. The stomach, noone is ever happy with how that looks. But I find you attractive thinking about you gets me a little excited!
I think im just frustrated. Like not being about to be with you, who I want and am comfortable with and not wanting to sleep with or am comfortable sleeping with anyone new.
-Thats fine, I dont; suggest you go running offinto others beds! But what you need to do is just look yourself in the mirror, accept noone is perfect and that you have it pretty good and just put yourself out there and try dating someone for a while before sleeping with them. Get as comfortable with them as you are with me. Who knows what the future holds for either you or I. Just need to embrace it and go with what you got!
I know, that wasnt meant to make you feel weird. I just like how I am with you.
-Oh I know! im not feeling weird just that was what came to mind after. I just want you to have the best so I am suggesting things to get you there! I'm always going to help push you.
After him telling me things about his life (which I wont disclose) I tell him I feel I should disappear for a while.
-Never do that! You are too amazing to go through that! Wait until your in Van and living closer to a lifestyle that suits youas opposed to off somewhere plus moving means I can visit more easily until imreplaced.
You wont ever be replaced! You will always have a special place in my heart.
-I know! I meant sexually and as your basis of support cause i hope a guy moreamazing comes along and gives you all you deserve!or girl.
That man is the most amazing man I have yet to meet. He has opened me up to be someone I could never have imagined. I would not be who I am without him. A lot of first and a lot of taking chances happened because of my trust in him. I will never meet a man like you who has my heart the way you do. I hope I find another who I can trust half as much as you.
Mainly Codie... lol
Codie calls me late at night and wants to go for tea, so of course I drive to Burnaby to go for tea with her only to be harassed by two men(boys) and ignored by the one who wants to "talk" She completely ignores the fact I have to work at 7 and doesnt talk, Thats fine maybe she just needed company but it still was annoying and she didnt even listen to a word I had to say, What ever.
Lately she has been oversharing everything. She will tell people about my personal life that i dont tell anyone and not even notice that she is doing it. It is way too much for my heart. Even people in Nanaimo don't know half the stuff she tells random people. She told Curtis that I would never go out with him because he is an alcoholic... True but he didn't have to know that is why or that I have a history of alcoholism in my family. She told Dan about me reduction and she told him about my dad. THANK YOU CODIE. Wow.
So back to last night. I feel completely shitty because these men decide they want to belittle me and im all alone with nothing to say and not knowing how to defend myself. Finally sinks in as i drive home that yes I am inadequate. Codie says these things that seem like nothing in passing but they get to you. Soo hard for my heart to handle.
When I get home I feel like I should die. I burn over and over until there is no more. Still the feeling doesnt fade. Until I talk to Brian.
Am I bad as sex, Honestly?
-No I very much enjoy it with you... Then again I am pretty sure our sex life is different than yours with other guys... What brought this on?
Lack of confidence, Lack of sex life.
-Ah... No no!! You are very good in bed, then again youare comfortable with me in ways you aren't with others!
Very True
-Needing sex or something?
No just feeling down
-Why?
Social Anxieties are back
- Oh... Shouldnt be... You were getting or are so much more confident then you once were!
Some days yea, but I thinkmy depression is back. Its such an easy trigger lately. Just gets to me that I can't snap out of it
-Ah, I understand! But look at it this was... Your body is the way you want it! You have friends, you are living the way you want and not controlled by anyone. You are sexy and have an amazing personality, you shouldnt letsocial anxiety get to you cause you have so much to offer!
I guess it seems like that but all those things are my major problems as of late. I hate my body, I have 1 neurotic friend and never enough money for bills. I just can'twait to move and hope it all gets better.
The reason I ask about the sex is cause of my body and also i guess my confidence goes hand in hand with it.
-What about your body?
My stomach is not nice and my arms are big,
-Okay? I am a bit of an ass when it comes to bad arms.. and you do not have bad arms.. The stomach, noone is ever happy with how that looks. But I find you attractive thinking about you gets me a little excited!
I think im just frustrated. Like not being about to be with you, who I want and am comfortable with and not wanting to sleep with or am comfortable sleeping with anyone new.
-Thats fine, I dont; suggest you go running offinto others beds! But what you need to do is just look yourself in the mirror, accept noone is perfect and that you have it pretty good and just put yourself out there and try dating someone for a while before sleeping with them. Get as comfortable with them as you are with me. Who knows what the future holds for either you or I. Just need to embrace it and go with what you got!
I know, that wasnt meant to make you feel weird. I just like how I am with you.
-Oh I know! im not feeling weird just that was what came to mind after. I just want you to have the best so I am suggesting things to get you there! I'm always going to help push you.
After him telling me things about his life (which I wont disclose) I tell him I feel I should disappear for a while.
-Never do that! You are too amazing to go through that! Wait until your in Van and living closer to a lifestyle that suits youas opposed to off somewhere plus moving means I can visit more easily until imreplaced.
You wont ever be replaced! You will always have a special place in my heart.
-I know! I meant sexually and as your basis of support cause i hope a guy moreamazing comes along and gives you all you deserve!or girl.
That man is the most amazing man I have yet to meet. He has opened me up to be someone I could never have imagined. I would not be who I am without him. A lot of first and a lot of taking chances happened because of my trust in him. I will never meet a man like you who has my heart the way you do. I hope I find another who I can trust half as much as you.